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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 11/09/2018 07:22

Mistakes happen

They do. However, this wasn’t a mistake, it was “oh, that doesn’t apply to me”

RossPoldarksFloozie · 11/09/2018 07:22

This reminds me of my holiday this year in an adult only hotel in Mexico. 2 parents and a baby rocked up from a sister hotel and were asked to leave a restaurant (before ordering) after slipping past reception. I've never seen such a hoohah in my life from the mother. "she's a TINY baby, a BABY" she screamed at the Manager as the child started screaming. She then went into reception, sat down and started feeding while still arguing with the Manager. Her final statement was "you cant stop me feeding my child" as she was asked to get into a waiting car to take them back to their own child friendly resort. Some people don't know the meaning of adult only 🙄

Momo27 · 11/09/2018 08:21

You call it a ‘charmingly British notion’ if you want Gudhpanka.

For women and men who might be feeling the heartbreak of infertility, child bereavement, it is probably much more than a charming notion.

For other people (me included) an adult only space was a wonderful oasis when I wanted a break from bf my babies.

LyndorCake · 11/09/2018 08:33

Tbf, I always chose the adult only options when I wasn't with DS as other children set my tits off and I would be mopping up milk every time they cried or giggled.

rainbowsandsmiles · 11/09/2018 08:39

Moving a baby mid feed is the far more disruptive option and a little consideration goes a long way.

Which is presumably why such entitled people do it in the first place, as they think no-one will dare to pull them up on it. It's how cheeky twat people get away with being cheeky twats.
If OP knew it was an adult only place, it's her own daft fault for setting up the one place she wasn't supposed to be.
It's not like there was nowhere else in the building to go, she said she just didn't want to sit on a sofa with other people.

themuttsnutts · 11/09/2018 09:14

Im sure it wasn't that calculated. I gather from her posts she is a first time mum trying to get breastfeeding established and wanted somewhere quiet where she would feel less self conscious. If you are tense, sometimes the let down doesn't work.

Since there was only 1 person there, I'd imagine she thought she might get away with it. Not the crime of the century since the baby was quiet anyway (a toddler is another thing entirely) and certainly not worth the huffing and puffing from the customer or member of staff

Gushpanka · 11/09/2018 09:15

I highly doubt adult only spaces were designed for people dealing with infertility or bereavement.

Anyway, shame that this gym created an adults only space without creating a quiet space for parents to feed babies.

ShatnersWig · 11/09/2018 09:18

I highly doubt adult only spaces were designed for people dealing with infertility or bereavement.

No, but they WERE designed for people who want some time away from children and babies. What's so hard to understand about that?

rainbowsandsmiles · 11/09/2018 09:19

Since there was only 1 person there, I'd imagine she thought she might get away with it.

And there you go, "thought she might get away with it." That'd mean full well you'd run the risk of being moved on if she had have known damn well she shouldn't have been there.

Anyway, shame that this gym created an adults only space without creating a quiet space for parents to feed babies
There were sofas there though for feeding babies though, apparently! She just didn't want to use them.

Lethaldrizzle · 11/09/2018 09:20

I'd be happy for a bf woman to share the quiet sanctity of adult only area with me. But then I'm not a jobs worth pedantic whinger

Hoppinggreen · 11/09/2018 09:22

Although I did have a Mc some time ago I now have 2 dc that I love dearly and I’m happy to spend time around children and babies ( including ones being breast fed)
However, sometimes I would rather be in an adult only environment so it’s nice that some places say no children, which should apply to any age
I shouldn’t need to be bereaved or going through IVF or anything else previously mentioned to want that and if an establishment offers that facility then I would expect them to enforce the rule. If not then I would complain

ShatnersWig · 11/09/2018 09:23

@Lethal That's fine, you would be. Others would not. It's not about being a jobsworth, it's about respecting other people's wishes. Not everyone is a parent or enjoys being around children. And sometimes, one person doing something results in lots of people doing something. "Oh look, we can take our children over there..."

I wouldn't dream of walking into a nursery without a child, sit down, eat my lunch, and walk out again. Because it's not an area for me.

SoupDragon · 11/09/2018 09:25

I'd be happy for a bf woman to share the quiet sanctity of adult only area with me.

As it happens, so would I. However, I would never have breastfed in an adult’s only area because I wasn’t an entitled special snowflake of a breastfeeder.

Momo27 · 11/09/2018 09:28

You sound just like the OP lethaldrizzle. You decide what you want at that particular moment in time and anyone who disagrees is a ‘jobsworth pedantic whinged.’

It must be very limiting to view life like that. Unable to get your head around the fact that other people might not occupy the exact same mind set as you.

Also interesting that even those trying to defend the OP are resorting to ‘well she probably thought she could get away with it.’ Its pretty damn obvious to anyone with more than one brain cell that she was in the wrong.

If she was an anxious new mum trying to get bf established she could have chosen her car, the changing room (though why should she feel the need to hide away while bf?) If she didn’t have the need for that level of privacy then she could have sat on a sofa in the family area. She chose the one place that she couldn’t take a child. Fuck knows why some people are so unbelievably self centred.

Hollyjollybells · 11/09/2018 09:32

And if your baby had started to make noise, would you have moved then?

ShatnersWig · 11/09/2018 09:33

I know, next time I'm in hospital I'll ask to be taken to the maternity ward. The fact that I'm a man who isn't about to give birth is irrelevant. "I want to recuperate from my operation in there because that ward looks nicer than the men's ward".

Why shouldn't I have a bed in there if I want one? Discrimination! Disgrace!

themuttsnutts · 11/09/2018 09:36

sigh another straw man. Very lame. Of course you wouldn't go into a maternity ward, you would not get the right care there because the staff are specialised in treating babies and new mothers.

ShatnersWig · 11/09/2018 09:39

@themutts Sigh. I'm being deliberately stupid, clearly! It's as equally stupid as the OP (who posted her one bit and disappeared off, never to be seen again so it's probably all bollocks anyway) because when women ARE genuinely discriminated against for breastfeeding it SHOULD be called out. What the OP is talking about is not discrimination against breastfeeding and should be laughed off the page, rightly. It does more harm against the genuine cause.

rainbowsandsmiles · 11/09/2018 09:39

Shatner might want to sit and have his cup of tea in there as the sofas look squishier and comfier than the ones outside.
Doesn't matter what it's use is meant for, stop being a pedantic jobsworth.
That's how yours and the others arguments goes, isn't it?

themuttsnutts · 11/09/2018 09:41

I resign. I think you are all men.

Lethaldrizzle · 11/09/2018 09:42

Of course the op shouldn't have been there but I would not have made a fuss. Life is too short.

rainbowsandsmiles · 11/09/2018 09:42

I resign. I think you are all men.

genuine lolz Grin

Checks self - nope, still female.

PrimalLass · 11/09/2018 09:43

Anyway, shame that this gym created an adults only space without creating a quiet space for parents to feed babies.

Why shouldn't it create an adults only space? They pay membership too. At the weekend as David Lloyd restaurant bit looks like a soft play centre. (The tend to have actual soft place areas.) Kids everywhere, chips on the floor, buggies talking up all the space. I love it when our kids were small but didn't in any way resent that the adult members would want peace and quiet.

ShatnersWig · 11/09/2018 09:43

@rainsbows The maternity ward sofas do look comfier. And the seats in that nursery I mentioned earlier where I'd like to eat my lunch even though I don't have a child definitely are much softer than the hard benches in the park where it's also raining.

PrimalLass · 11/09/2018 09:43

Excuse stupid phone typing

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