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AIBU?

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Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
themuttsnutts · 10/09/2018 20:43

Yes. She may have put herself in that position but i stand by the fact that asking her to move there and then was compromising hwr dignity

themuttsnutts · 10/09/2018 20:44

How silly

WizzbangWallopWot · 10/09/2018 20:46

@themuttsnutts and I'll stand by the fa t that you've accused, ignored and been blatantly stupid in your argument!

So why did you accuse me of not answering your question? I did but like OP you either ignored it because you were breastfeeding, so the most natural thing in the world is an HUGE issue, or you think that as a breastfeeding mother the need to feel a child trumps a bottle feeding mother. Which is total bollocks!!!

PortiaCastis · 10/09/2018 20:47

Oh what absolute bollocks, talk about over dramatising and being entitled.
If a notice says adults only it means adults only and being professionally offended will not change that.

Momo27 · 10/09/2018 20:47

Compromising her dignity ffs! If she’s such a precious petal that she can’t cope with being asked to move across the room to the family friendly area to continue feeding there, then maybe she should time travel back to an era when women really did have to shut themselves away when performing the perfectly natural act of feeding a child .

WizzbangWallopWot · 10/09/2018 20:51

@themuttsnutts I presume that you've run off now, just like OP!

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 10/09/2018 20:51

Is it right to ask a woman to get up in the middle of feeding with her breast out? If you think that, she was right to be asked to move

There is no problem with moving whilst feeding. A sensible mother won’t have “her breast out” if she’s feeding. I often stood up and moved around while breastfeeding without losing any dignity and even held a conversation with someone who thought I was simply cradling a sleeping baby rather than feeding.

The OP was wrong to take a baby into the adult only area. The law does say she is allowed into an adult area just so she can breastfeed. I defend every woman’s right to breastfeed their child in any place where they and their child are allowed AND food and/or drink are allowed. So a restaurant yes, a park yes, a shopping mall yes; in a swimming pool no, in an adult only area no.

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 10/09/2018 21:06

Not that it matters at all, but OP has said her breasts were covered anyway.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 10/09/2018 21:09

common sense and consideration for another person not behaving disruptively

What about consideration for those of us who a) don't have children, b) tried very hard to have children but only ever experienced loss c) struggle to be around children and sometimes for our peace of mind, want an area of a room where there are no children.

I wouldn't have asked the OP to move, because I don't like confrontation and people like the OP tend to be rather vociferous in their demands and entitlements, but I would, absolutely have gone to report this to a me,bermof staff.

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/09/2018 21:28

I answered your question @themuttsnutts - I said if I were the staff member who'd been asked to ask her to move, I'd really hate to have to do it. But - I'd be annoyed with her for opting to BF in an adults only section, and for putting me in the position of having to ask.

You didn't answer my question.

When you were breastfeeding, would you have chosen to go into an adults only section to do it?

themuttsnutts · 10/09/2018 21:31

No but my point was it was reasonable for the man to wait for her to finish since she'd started and baby wasn't disturbing anyone and it would've been reasonable for the waiter to ask her to move when she'd finished, which sounds as if she was going to do anyway

Momo27 · 10/09/2018 21:36

Waiting for her to finish (which could take 10 mins, 30 mins, an hour....) would have been placing more importance on the OP (who was in the wrong) than on other people who might have been using, or wanting to use, the adult only area for any one of the many reasons described on this thread

Tiredtomybones · 10/09/2018 21:45

Yabu

bluemoonchances · 10/09/2018 21:46

But the baby was disturbing someone by its very presence in an area it shouldn't have been. He seem why the person asked a member of staff for it to be taken out of that area. As had been pointed out numerous times by many people, the meat presence of it in an area that is adults only would be disturbing for many different reasons.

bluemoonchances · 10/09/2018 21:47
  • hence not he seem ... bloody autocorrect!
bluemoonchances · 10/09/2018 21:51

Combination of bloody autocorrect and selfish entitlement of a select few... I give up!!

I'm just glad the majority see the issue for what it is.

BigChocFrenzy · 10/09/2018 21:57

During that 10 / 20 / 30 / 60 minutes of feeding,
the staff would have to remain there to discourage all the other parents who might bring their kids into the area

maybe a bloke bottle-feeding his baby
or a parent changing a smelly nappy
or noisy toddlers tearing around
or a 12-year old sitting quietly with their parents
....

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/09/2018 22:03

If the OP doesn't think she should be disturbed mid-feed (which is entirely reasonable), she could've selected somewhere more appropriate to feed, so as to ensure this didn't happen.

This really isn't difficult. Aaaallllll the power lies with the OP. Every last bit of it.

Cool, huh?

TrashPanda · 10/09/2018 22:57

Some of the more recent posts on this thread are proving my point from my previous post.

Stories like this give people who have issues with breastfeeding ammunition to say breastfeeding mum's are attention seeking and look at me.

I breastfeed my child because it's cheaper and easier for me to do than formula feeding. I don't want praise or attention for that, I just want to be left the fuck alone to feed my child. I will do so anywhere and everywhere as required by my child. I will not do it somewhere I or my child have no right to be because I'm not up for being asked to move half way through.

The OP's child was not allowed where she was sitting therefore she was asked to move, she caused this by sitting somewhere her child was not allowed.

Saying she was discriminated against because she was breastfeeding perpetuates the bullshit that mothers who breastfeed are entitled attention seeking morons.

MNsplaining · 11/09/2018 05:14

You can see how things get exaggerated so easily when some posters are saying the OP was shouted at and forced to move with her breast out.

She wasn't.

Gushpanka · 11/09/2018 06:50

Oh please. I dont get all the yabu's.

You just say 'oh. I'll move once the baby's done eating, it'll be a few minutes'.

Moving a baby mid feed is the far more disruptive option and a little consideration goes a long way.

SoupDragon · 11/09/2018 06:59

Oh please. I dont get all the yabu's.

It’s quite straightforward: a baby is not an adult.

a little consideration goes a long way.

Yes, so show some by not taking a baby into clearly labelled adult only space.

MNsplaining · 11/09/2018 07:05

Moving a baby mid feed is the far more disruptive option and a little consideration goes a long way.

Not sitting in the only space you shouldn't, when there are plenty of places where you can would have led to zero disruption.

SuperCargo · 11/09/2018 07:07

Why does the expected consideration only go one way?

Gushpanka · 11/09/2018 07:17

Mistakes happen, the world's not a perfect place. Baby finishes and leaves the sanctity of the adult only space (such a charmingly british notion)