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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I made a massive mistake

242 replies

Florenceblondie · 09/09/2018 17:14

I'm married. I got a crush on a man at work. I'm 99% the feeling was mutual. We used to stare at each other, catch each others eyes. We were very awkward and nervous around each other. It got to the point my heart was pounding when I saw him and rather than being a lovely fantasy in my head it became upsetting and hard to deal with.
I was very upset one day and I stupidly, very stupidly sent him a message telling him about the crush and I said I would never act on it and I respect both our marriages and families. I also said it will pass but I had to get it out my head by being honest.
I felt like sending the message would be like ripping off a plaster. I could then deal with it and move on.
He didn't reply and I felt mortified. I then apologised face to face. I think he may think I was trying to start something up but I really wasn't. I wanted it out of my head.

I told dh about it all and the message. He trusts me and although he was hurt that my eyes had wandered he appreciated my honesty. We have been fine since.
At work however, the man is still gazing at me. I do avoid him and we don't speak but I can still see him gazing. He's a nice person and not the sort to go blabbing and he's not sleazy with it.
I guess what I wanted him to say was that he feels the same but he loves his wife and then agree to avoid each other...but he said nothing.
It was a pathetic, stupid thing to do and I didn't want to act on it but I just wanted closure.
I know I've made a tit of myself, i just feel upset at myself for doing something do stupid.
I feel like if I didn't admit to him then the crush would go on and on and on and I would be looking out for him at work....now I just get on with things and avoid him.

OP posts:
Kisskiss · 09/09/2018 19:49

I know you think you’re not deluded, but the most plausible explanation for him ignoring your message was that it embarrassed him ( and highly likely too that he had no idea at all it was coming).
Just leave it be and get on with your life.

Move2WY · 09/09/2018 19:53

@Florenceblondie you’re focusing on the wrong replies on this thread. Focus on the one’s who have been there and are offering advice, not the ones attacking you.

I am genuinely interested in why you thought telling the other guy would give you closure? What if he had replied saying yes I’ll leave my wife for you?

I understand you telling your husband as that takes away the thrill of the secret, but twlling the crush does come accross like you wanted him to tell you he has a crush too - but why if it doesn’t change anything?

BrendasUmbrella · 09/09/2018 19:54

Presuming everything you have said from your perspective is accurate, you must be starting to find the guy quite irritating by now? Maybe he did feel the same but it was just a workplace distraction and he got a shock when you dragged it out into the open? If he is still staring at you he is either a) nervous about the whole situation (and there is an outside chance he could keep that message for HR so bear that in mind going forward), or b) he is still considering you as an option which you should find insulting by this point.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 09/09/2018 19:57

I wanted to hear some straight talking opinions. I think some people are a bit ott with their responses

Confused You want people to give it to you straight, but at the same time you don't like what you're hearing?

Yogagirl123 · 09/09/2018 19:57

I feel for your DH tbh OP, how would you feel if it was the other way round? Understanding - because you know he loves you?

You sound very immature, how can you say you love your husband and then do something so silly that could potentially destroy your marriage.

I hope this doesn’t come back to haunt you at some stage, I really do.

Lougle · 09/09/2018 20:02

"When I apologised to the guy at work he put his hand on my shoulder and said I've not to feel embarrassed but he is married. He was clearly very embarrassed. I told him I was very embarrassed and shouldn't have sent it. That was it. It's done."

If that's what he said, he was very kind and respectful of you. He wasn't saying he had feelings for you, he was simply telling you that he is committed to his wife. Move on.

timetodothis · 09/09/2018 20:02

I sympathies with you OP. Crushes start off as a bit of fun but can easily tip over into feelings of anxiety and feeling sick and they can happen to anyone , at any age and for or the record, sometimes crushes are reciprocated. How else do people think workplace affairs start?

I do think a little part of you was hoping something would happen. Yes? Be honest with yourself.

sobloodyitchy · 09/09/2018 20:02

When depressed I became massively obsessed with things. It's like I'd get stuck on something and over think it to the point of it taking over my life. I would google frantically and browse MN, looking for answers. And I'd post on here hoping someone could tell me what I wanted to hear. Admittedly not about other men, more health anxiety stuff but the scenario is similar I feel.

It sounds as though that's what you're doing. The other post Bluntness has referred to and OP has linked to is clearly written by you. All of the phrasing is the same.

Both posts have no real purpose or question. But you seem to want people to say he clearly likes you. People (myself included) have been harsh, likely because this involves others who can be hurt by it.

Honestly, you need to stop posting about this. Stop obsessing about it. And 'ban' yourself from dedicating thought to it. If you feel your mind wandering onto the topic, try and distract yourself.

If you had any interest in stopping this, you telling your DH should have been enough of a nightmare to end it. Or the man's lack of a response. Where is this going to end? What do you want out of this, if not an affair?

If you truly felt embarrassed I think you would be finding it hard to go over and desperately trying to move on. Not writing about it online.

The man's response should be a moot point. You say you know it's wrong, so much so you told your DH and yet you continue to think about it. What's more important? The relationship between you and a man you say you barely see in work, or you and your DH?

I think it's likely this is escapism and you're more obsessed with the fantasy than the reality. I'd have a think about why that might be and focus my energy on that, not anything to do with this bloke. Which could end your marriage and job.

MudCity · 09/09/2018 20:04

I have a married male friend who has been on the receiving end of very unwanted attention from a female colleague. She disclosed she had “feelings”, he told her he was a married man and walked away from her. He has tried to be kind when he has contact with her because he knows she has a lot of emotional / mental health issues, therefore remains civil and when their paths cross to maintain a decent working relationship. He doesn’t want to be cruel. However, it isn’t clear she ‘gets’ it and keeps texting him, finding any random excuse at all to make contact. He does not respond. She is bloody lucky this hasn’t ended up in the hands of HR.

LanguidLobster · 09/09/2018 20:04

@Yogaandsandals me too

LanguidLobster · 09/09/2018 20:06

Oops @Togaandsandals me too :)

Autocorrect and one wayward finger...

You really need to move on op, it's getting starkerish :(

Branleuse · 09/09/2018 20:06

id pretend it didnt happen, dont speak to him, accept its a little crush and a fantasy, and dont let it go further. Itll pass.

BlancheM · 09/09/2018 20:13

I remember this as well but I think reliving the scenario here to process it is better than the alternative, which is making another excuse to approach the guy again.
He doesn't want a pseudo affair, leave it, pretend it didn't happen or the only thing you'll be longing for is your job back.

iamyourequal · 09/09/2018 20:20

If you really wanted an innocent ‘closure’ in this crush you should have just stayed out his way and taken enough control over your emotions to stop thinking about him. I think telling your husband was a bad idea. It might have made your conscience feel better but it was probably crushingly hurtful for your DH to hear it.

Haireverywhere · 09/09/2018 20:29

You can't assume he felt the same.

I can't believe you are posting on here about your embarrassment instead of "how can I rebuild my husband's trust because I let a crush turn into action and really hurt him?"

Haireverywhere · 09/09/2018 20:30

I am glad you told your husband though because hopefully that'll protect your marriage in future if you learn to be accountable.

Valanice1989 · 09/09/2018 20:31

OP, there was a woman who used to post on MN years ago (under a variety of different names) about men she'd become completely obsessed with. Her tendency for over-analysis was very similar to the stuff you've posted here: insisting that he felt the same way, purely because he smiled or even looked at her; mentioning trivial details like "he put his hand on my shoulder"; claiming that he was always staring at her even though she rarely looked at him (which makes no sense - how would she know where he was looking?).

Long story short, one of the men in question ended up calling the police on her when she turned up at his house and refused to leave. She was mortified and the whole thing impacted on her kids. You don't want to end up like that! If you carry on this obsessive behaviour, it could get out of hand.

TheLionRoars1110 · 09/09/2018 20:36

Tbh your account of his response sounds like he's not interested AT ALL. The whole hand on shoulder 'I'm committed to my wife' think really wouldn't come from someone remotely interested.
Just move on. It was a mistake and you misunderstood the situation. Focus on how your DH might be feeling not your need for 'closure'. You have closure. He doesn't want you. Move on!

Togaandsandals · 09/09/2018 20:40

@Languidlobster, no problem, I like the yogaandsandals version :)

SecretWitch · 09/09/2018 20:44

I feel terrible for your husband, op. Why on earth would you burden him with this information?

It sounds like your work colleague has excellent boundaries and no plans to engage in any sort of flirtatious behavior with you. Please leave him alone, if you can’t, the responsibility is on you to find a new job. Self control is called for here.

Benjaminbuttonschild · 09/09/2018 20:47

"When I apologised to the guy at work he put his hand on my shoulder and said I've not to feel embarrassed but he is married. He was clearly very embarrassed. I told him I was very embarrassed and shouldn't have sent it. That was it. It's done."

This is the epitome of closure to me. He has basically and very respectfully spelled out that nothing will ever happen between the two of you!

Why on earth does he need to profess feelings for you??? He doesn't. He has given you the only correct response in this situation. That he is married and plans to stay that way. End of.

Rudgie47 · 09/09/2018 21:07

Was the man in question Boris Johnson?

Bluntness100 · 09/09/2018 21:19

Was the man in question Boris Johnson?

I'm not sure he'd have said no,...🤣

Italiangreyhound · 09/09/2018 21:20

Florenceblondie I've had crushes at work. I have fancied people and I have told dh. I'd never act on it and he knows it, and it was actually a long time ago.

Move on, forget this. I'd just act normal around this colleague. Don't avert your eyes, but don't be alone with him either.

Forget it and move on. No idea why some posters are so rude, but then some posters just are.

Move on OP or you will make this one silly mistake, worse.

CrystalMazing · 09/09/2018 21:24

You sound like you are in love with the stolen glances and the drama. Real or imagined.
Did you marry young and without many previous relationships? This is so schoolgirl it just smacks of a desperate need for someone to find you attractive. Yes we all like to think we are fanciable but most of us are confident enough in our own or our husband's opinions without seeking reassurance elsewhere. Your husband sounds beyond patient.

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