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Original poster

I made a massive mistake

242 replies

Florenceblondie · 09/09/2018 17:14

I'm married. I got a crush on a man at work. I'm 99% the feeling was mutual. We used to stare at each other, catch each others eyes. We were very awkward and nervous around each other. It got to the point my heart was pounding when I saw him and rather than being a lovely fantasy in my head it became upsetting and hard to deal with.
I was very upset one day and I stupidly, very stupidly sent him a message telling him about the crush and I said I would never act on it and I respect both our marriages and families. I also said it will pass but I had to get it out my head by being honest.
I felt like sending the message would be like ripping off a plaster. I could then deal with it and move on.
He didn't reply and I felt mortified. I then apologised face to face. I think he may think I was trying to start something up but I really wasn't. I wanted it out of my head.

I told dh about it all and the message. He trusts me and although he was hurt that my eyes had wandered he appreciated my honesty. We have been fine since.
At work however, the man is still gazing at me. I do avoid him and we don't speak but I can still see him gazing. He's a nice person and not the sort to go blabbing and he's not sleazy with it.
I guess what I wanted him to say was that he feels the same but he loves his wife and then agree to avoid each other...but he said nothing.
It was a pathetic, stupid thing to do and I didn't want to act on it but I just wanted closure.
I know I've made a tit of myself, i just feel upset at myself for doing something do stupid.
I feel like if I didn't admit to him then the crush would go on and on and on and I would be looking out for him at work....now I just get on with things and avoid him.

OP posts:
KC225 · 10/09/2018 12:29

The one thing you can do which would have a massive impact on this situation OP - resign. I appreciate you may not be in a financial position to do so but surely, it would be worth it in order to save your sanity and marriage. I am surprised your DH didn't insist on it.

OftenHangry · 10/09/2018 13:46

@passwordfailure that is the cutest cutecreepy story😂

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2018 16:28

MenaMecca

"It was in response to a previous poster."

Apologies.

OftenHangry I agree this will probably not end well. I hope @Florenceblondie will see this and will now disengage totally from this man.

I just feel some replies have been a bit OTT!

Mushroomsarehorrible · 10/09/2018 17:16

OP it's clear that you fancy this bloke and you wanted him to fancy you back.

Your ego clearly couldn't take the fact that he doesn't want to know and you feel rejected, hence cornering him and making the situation even more awkward.

WTF did you tell you poor DH? I would never get over something like that. I would see it for what it is. You trying to start something with a work colleague Hmm

Good job the guy ignored you, at least he has some morals.

Thatsfuckingshit · 10/09/2018 18:32

bluebell34567 really? Confused

Blahdeblah123 · 10/09/2018 18:57

Op i think your getting an unnecessary hard time here. Try put it behind you and move on. Head down, work hard and put your heart into your home life x

Bluntness100 · 10/09/2018 18:59

I do think the fundamental issue here is that despite all this man does to the contrary the op has convinced her self he's in love with her and is only not telling her out of respect to his wife. She's also deeply obsessed as I think this has been going on now for awhile.

It's really unhealthy and I would really think she needs to see a doctor and explain her behaviour as I strongly suspect she needs help to work her way through this.

If this is real, then it's someone who is struggling mentally and needs help and should be urged to seek it before this obsession/delusion moves to something more sinister and damaging.

MudCity · 10/09/2018 21:38

I am getting really tired of hearing about women who create some kind of different reality to make themselves feel better.

As I said in my previous post, I have a male friend who is experiencing this kind of unwanted attention from a female colleague. It is creepy, weird and unhealthy. No doubt she is finding ways to justify it and convince herself that he really is attracted to her but can’t act on it because he is a married man. He has tried to save her from humiliation but eventually it might get to the stage where humiliation will be the only thing that will stop the behaviour.

Stop now OP. Find other ways to make yourself feel better about your life which do not involve other people.

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/09/2018 22:08

Every weirdo stalker thinks the feelings are reciprocated. That's why they persist.

Clearly, the feeling are not reciprocated.

The judgment of someone who has no idea about boundaries and social mores is best taken with a grain of salt.

Jacerraces · 11/09/2018 06:00

I've had this..it's limerance..your fixated on this man. There's nothing wrong in this as you are not stalking this man and all we really have in our existence is human interaction..hes laid down his cards and said he's with someone so this is clearly a lesson..maybe to appreciate your husband more or you need more fulfilment in terms of love or job..just do your routine stuff and this will pass. Everything is temporary..but I totally know how it feels and the craziness of these emotions

Zoflorabore · 11/09/2018 06:17

Dear god woman you need some help.
I am never nasty on here or in real life but this is one of the weirdest things I've read.

You pretty much offered yourself to him on a plate. And he said no. Actually he said nothing. I'm embarrassed for you.

This man is decent. He's a married man who is rightly loyal to his wife. He isn't interested. At all.

There are sadly men out there who would have replied to you in order to have a quick shag behind their partners backs and would have made all of the right noises, pretending to feel the same etc.

Do you actually believe all of this shit you're posting again?

Reverse the situation. A woman sends your dh the same message. Is that ok?

The only reason you sent the message is because you wanted him to feel the same and start something up.

You need help. And a new job.

Rudgie47 · 11/09/2018 08:17

How are things today OP?
If I were you I'd definitely go to the G.P and discuss your issues, you may be depressed or have OCD or something like that. When people are depressed they can get very fixated on certain things.

If you go wishing you all the best with it.

louise5754 · 11/09/2018 20:50

My god we have to worry about our men going to work now incase a colleague tries it on.

( My husband works with all men but you know what I mean - incase people call me out on other threads)

gamerwidow · 12/09/2018 07:13

My god we have to worry about our men going to work now incase a colleague tries it on.
Only if you don’t trust your husband.
Nothing here to suggest this man has done anything wrong at all.

louise5754 · 12/09/2018 07:33

No I do still not nice having this done to your husband.

gamerwidow · 12/09/2018 07:55

Well yes but my husband is a big boy who doesn’t need me to fret about him at work any more then he needs to worry about me at work getting chatted up.

JustBecauseYouAreUniqueDoesNot · 12/09/2018 09:14

OP, I get the impression you are really insecure and looking for external validation constantly.

First, that this man fancies you. But you need him to say it. He won't (he may well not).
Second, you tell your husband. So he can tell you how sad he is.
Now, you post on here looking for us to say oh, he keeps looking at you? Yes he is desperately in love with you. Because it makes you feel good to think that.

This may seem harsh but in another life I was you. Trust me when I say that this kind of self esteem boost is very short lived. You have to find less damaging ways to make yourself feel good about yourself. Good luck to you.

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