AIBU to think she was a self a self righteous interfering busybody?

[NutElla5x]

Probably get flamed by all the 'rules is rules' people here but here goes.So me and my mum are in Morrison's underground car park yesterday looking for a parking space.My mum,who has a blue badge, due to the fact she has terminal cancer, is driving.She drives past the disabled parking bay(space for less than a dozen cars) which is full,so stops directly at the end of this bay which happens to be a parent and child bay and says 'I'll stop here'.This bay used to be a disabled bay and has has room for about a dozen cars and has only one car in it-a people carrier with a man in the driving seat and a kid/kids in the back.I tell my mum she can't really as it's for parents with kids now and she's like 'Well I've always parked here' LOL and I'm like 'Well you can't now,but if you want to risk a fine it's up to you'.Anyhoo as we're merrily bickering away-engine not even switched off- yet a woman approaches the car that the bloke and kids are in and shouts at my mum 'It's for people with kids!' then shouts the same again before we've even had the chance to respond.Well excuse me but no-one shouts at my mum like that,so I lost it a bit and a full on argument ensued,where I pointed out to her that there were so many mother and child spaces free(just behind us,in the lane next to the full disabled bay there was another double bay for them with lots of spaces free too),and that my mum was disabled and her parking there wouldn't affect anyone and if she wanted to risk a fine what the hell did it have to do with her! I did call her a couple of names-an interfering cow (which she is)being one of them,and it wasn't my finest moment but I don't understand why she would start shouting at an elderly person in such an aggressive manner for,in my mind,such a trivial thing.AIBU?

- I can’t and won’t park in disabled spaces even though I actually need the space!

I should hope not given your not disabled!

P and C spaces and disabled spaces are not in any way comparable. One is essential, one is a marketing ploy

YWNBU. And for the people saying you over reacted, I don't think anyone else has the insight to judge you on here. I don't know how I'd react in that situation, but I'm fairly sure I wouldn't have been calm about it. I bet your emotions are close to the edge anyway (understandable!), and she tipped you over.

Like that cheesy saying goes "be kind, everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about". That woman was being anything but kind, you called her out on it and gave her a taste of her own medicine.

@YeTalkShiteHen and @Sirzy great posts 👍🏻
Hopefully this thread will educate some ignorant people

@maxthemartian I missed the bit where it said the disabled bays were full, sorry.

overnightangel I hope so!

OP one event which sticks in my mind is a woman bawling and shouting abuse at my Mum for using the disabled toilet (happened more than once ) to change her bags (I can’t remember the names, but she referred to them as stomas). She absolutely devastated my very private, very quiet and timid Mum and I could quite happily have shredded the poisonous woman on the spot.

Just because it used to be the disabled bay doesn't mean she's entitled to park there now, and having terminal cancer doesn't give special privileges to flout parking rules
Anxious2 Wow. Just no compassion. What a truly revolting attitude. I feel quite sickened by that.

Haven’t rtft, and going against the grain here
How do you know you’re going against the grain if you haven’t read the fucking thread?

I would recommend at least reading the OP properly before telling them they ABU

“Different scenario due to your Mum having a disabled badge, but it would’ve been better if she’d parked in a disabled bay, so people who need the parent and child spaces could’ve parked there instead - I can’t and won’t park in disabled spaces even though I actually need the space!”
You kind of seem like you might have a disability

You kind of seem like you might have a disability

How so? Because it reads as being really fucking cheeky.

Honestly even if the disabled bays weren't full if the P & C spaces were more convenient for a disabled driver I would have no problem with them using them. P & C places are a courtesy (one which parents existed without for decades).

It really gets my goat when people without kids use up the parent and child bays. There never seem to be enough spaces to me. So I would probably be that interfering busy body who said something. However, if there were loads of spaces as you said, and you told me about your mums illness, I would have gone very red and been most contrite! I think there are times when the rules can be bent and allowances made.Your mum sounds a lovely lady, please pass on my well wishes to her :) xxx

Just gutted that you think so. njpo

I really wish that once, just once in my whole life I could really stick up for myself like the OP and have a right go back at some horrible shouting person. I have spent a lifetime cringing and apologising for things that are clearly the fault of the person shouting at me.

This is not a useful post, but the OP's post just makes me admire people who are feisty enough to defend themselves.

Anxious the disabled bays were full - also yeah, I think disabled with ablue badge and terminal fucking cancer does give someone the right to flout petty restrictive rules if they like. Bloody hell.

Look, I missed the bit where the disabled bays were full. I’m sorry for this. I read the first page (25 comments) and stuck my bit in.

Disabled badge parks wherever, it’s the Law, I’ve no problem with it. I read it as she chose to park in p&c not because of lack of disabled spaces. Obvs if I’d read it properly first my response would’ve been different.

My comment of being pissed off was more a general musing of people who don’t even have kids parking in them, I appreciate I wasn’t clear and didn’t word it well. I apologise again.

Should have calmly said this is my mum and I am her kid and then put the blue badge on the dash board.

So I would probably be that interfering busy body who said something

Why though? P&C aren’t legally enforceable and if people without kids park in them that’s up to them.

I would probably be that interfering busy body who said something. However, if there were loads of spaces as you said, and you told me about your mums illness, I would have gone very red and been most contrite!

Shame on you @MiddleAgedMe, why should anyone have to justify themselves and explain their diagnosis to you?

MiddleAged no rules were being bent and no allowances necessary, she was quite entitled to be there.

Fair enough, @Iwantaunicorn I wish other posters could be as gracious when they’ve talked shite.

Even if she had chosen to park in the p and c spaces with disabled spaces free she is more than allowed.

Some places suffer from serious piss poor planning meaning the p and c spaces may be more suitable than the disabled spaces - if that is the case too right I will use p and c instead of disabled!

I lost my temper at really small things when my dad was dying. Grief is hard, be gentle to yourself. You don't need to be your best at the moment.

We physically couldn't get our newborn twins out of the car in normal width spaces, so for the first 6 months if we couldn't get a p&c space we couldn't shop. Minor inconvenience. Cannot be compared either to a disability or a terminal illness

Some pretty shitty responses on here OP but thankfully the majority of posters on this thread have empathy and understand the law!!
What kind of person thinks that their need as a parent trumps a disabled person's needs? It's absurd and selfish. P and C spaces are often empty at the supermarkets I go to and I see plenty of parents who don't bother with them at all. People managed years ago before they were created. The struggles of a parent going shopping cannot be compared with the struggles of those who are disabled. And the law is on your mum's side.
Best wishes to your mum, you and your family

Once there was a link here on mumsnet to a website which explained that blue bagde holders are not allowed to park on p+c spaces. In fact it said that you can park there as long as your youngest is up to 11y.o.

Having said that, we see lots of people without badge parking on p+c spaces, sometimes racing in the supermarket's car park just to get the last space there! It's mostly people with big and cars who do not want any scratches, but so is ours and DH can perfectly park on a normal parking space without a problem and so could they!

So I think it's either not enforcable or the car park owners don't check unless somebody complains which hardly ever happens.

If all the disabled spaces are full I wouldn’t be able to get my dsis out of the car and into her wheelchair in a normal space. So I would use a p&c space and display her blue badge. And if a busybody objected they would likely get a food old fashioned northern ena sharples ear bashing.