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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think she was a self a self righteous interfering busybody?

257 replies

NutElla5x · 08/09/2018 09:19

Probably get flamed by all the 'rules is rules' people here but here goes.So me and my mum are in Morrison's underground car park yesterday looking for a parking space.My mum,who has a blue badge, due to the fact she has terminal cancer, is driving.She drives past the disabled parking bay(space for less than a dozen cars) which is full,so stops directly at the end of this bay which happens to be a parent and child bay and says 'I'll stop here'.This bay used to be a disabled bay and has has room for about a dozen cars and has only one car in it-a people carrier with a man in the driving seat and a kid/kids in the back.I tell my mum she can't really as it's for parents with kids now and she's like 'Well I've always parked here' LOL and I'm like 'Well you can't now,but if you want to risk a fine it's up to you'.Anyhoo as we're merrily bickering away-engine not even switched off- yet a woman approaches the car that the bloke and kids are in and shouts at my mum 'It's for people with kids!' then shouts the same again before we've even had the chance to respond.Well excuse me but no-one shouts at my mum like that,so I lost it a bit and a full on argument ensued,where I pointed out to her that there were so many mother and child spaces free(just behind us,in the lane next to the full disabled bay there was another double bay for them with lots of spaces free too),and that my mum was disabled and her parking there wouldn't affect anyone and if she wanted to risk a fine what the hell did it have to do with her! I did call her a couple of names-an interfering cow (which she is)being one of them,and it wasn't my finest moment but I don't understand why she would start shouting at an elderly person in such an aggressive manner for,in my mind,such a trivial thing.AIBU?

OP posts:
MagnaDoodle · 08/09/2018 10:19

Meh. I don’t think you were unreasonable.

If you’re going to be a horrible petty busybody, you need to accept that one day, someone is going to shout at you.

MagnaDoodle · 08/09/2018 10:20

Just because it used to be the disabled bay doesn't mean she's entitled to park there now, and having terminal cancer doesn't give special privileges to flout parking rules

Wow.

lovetherisingsun · 08/09/2018 10:20

Some people in this world are just not very nice. Just ignore it. And you can park in the space, you won't get fined :)

lovetherisingsun · 08/09/2018 10:23

Just because it used to be the disabled bay doesn't mean she's entitled to park there now, and having terminal cancer doesn't give special privileges to flout parking rules

@Anxious2niteaaah....I'm gobsmacked by your callousness. Also, it does give them special privileges.

5SecondsFromWilding · 08/09/2018 10:23

Would it not get your back up then 5seconds? If not,please share your secret of how to remain calm and composed at all times.

Already did. I'd react the way I outlined in my first comment. Strangers can be unpleasant at times. Getting lairy isn't most people's way of dealing with that.

Original poster
NutElla5x · 08/09/2018 10:24

If the parent and child bay was next to the disable bay why didn't your mother just park in the disabled bay
It was full like I said.
Just because it used to be the disabled bay doesn't mean she's entitled to park there now, and having terminal cancer doesn't give special privileges to flout parking rules
I know.
The mother and baby parking spaces are there for a reason for parents who have to travel with babies, toddlers, prams/careers, baby change bags and all the other crap they need to carry so the closer spaces make it easier for them..
I know.I'm not stupid Hmm

OP posts:
GreenMeerkat · 08/09/2018 10:25

YANBU. It winds me up when people without kids park in those spaces BUT not when they are disabled. If there are not enough disabled spaces and they have a blue badge I wouldn't begrudge that at all. I certainly wouldn't start shouting at them.

Returnofthesmileybar · 08/09/2018 10:25

Anxious2 don't be such a twat. Terminal cancer total trumps a parent with a lot a things to manage, diddums, people have been doing in for many years before you. In fact it's the entitled "i gave birth to the Messiah and however will I manage with my bugaboo and my baby* attitude that fucks people off about these spaces. They really need to get rid so parents might tone back the precious

Havaina · 08/09/2018 10:26

YANBU OP, I had this. Took my mum shopping, disabled bays all full, no normal spaces nearby so parked in a P&C bay, displayed mum's blue badge.

We walked past a couple with a baby and the woman made a passive aggressive comment about P&C bays being taken by people without kids. I responsed politely and said 'my mum can't walk very much which is why we have parked in a P&C bay but she has a blue badge.' She then became silent and hid behind her husband and car. I just finished with 'So there's no need for your comments.' Her husband responded 'alright, alright' as if I was being aggressive 🙄.

Nootka · 08/09/2018 10:27

Anxious are you for real? A disabled person can never grow a leg back, in the case of i
OPs mum recover from cancer and you are comparing this with getting a pram out of a car and a changing bag? Having had 2 boys 18 months apart and also dealing with a very disabled mother in a wheelchair i would prefer to deal with kids any day. Get over yourself!

I don't think the OP was being unreasonable. I would have nothing to say if someone shouted at me other than ask them not to shout. Shout at my mum however and I would see red. She is very physically disabled and has dementia and I know I would lose my rag at the sort of person who would shout at her.

lifechangesforever · 08/09/2018 10:27

I'm just surprised that there were more parent and child than disabled.. I can NEVER get a parent and child space, but there is always loads of disabled spaces free.

Flyme21 · 08/09/2018 10:28

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Original poster
NutElla5x · 08/09/2018 10:29

*Meh. I don’t think you were unreasonable.

If you’re going to be a horrible petty busybody, you need to accept that one day, someone is going to shout at you.*

Thank you.I do wish I could be robotically programmed to be calm and serene at all times, but I can't so will have to put up with being human I suppose.

OP posts:
Knowivedonewrong · 08/09/2018 10:29

Nutella I'm totally in agreement with you on this one. No one would be talking to my mum like that, either. But then I can be extremely unreasonable at times and quite frankly I don't give a shiny shite what anyone else thinks. 😁

lovetherisingsun · 08/09/2018 10:29

@5SecondsFromWilding, if my mum had terminal cancer, I think I'd be a bit more prone to getting angry about people treating her like shit too. But then, I guess that's just me. You might be made of stone, but not everyone is. Anyway, it occurs to me, that sometimes some people need a good shouting at. Maybe it'll make them think before being dicks next time.

Orchiddingme · 08/09/2018 10:31

OP I would not dwell on this any longer. You shouted because of all kinds of reasons, mainly because your lovely mum has terminal cancer and you are in protective mode and couldn't believe some twat was questioning you when you are all so stressed and there were plenty of spaces and you have a blinking blue badge anyway.

This lady didn't know what you were going through and probably wishes she hadn't said anything.

It would require you to be almost super-human not to shout in this situation, probably mixed in with a bit of suppressed anger from the shitness of it all, and this lady unfortunately stood in your line of fire at the wrong time.

She wasn't to know but if you go round policing parking spaces, it's pretty inevitable one time you will piss someone off. Also very much doubt she polices those of groups of men or big looking guys with their families. Don't feel sorry for her.

Hugs for you and your mum, life is stressful enough without this crap!

Bluelady · 08/09/2018 10:31

Anxious2, did those words actually pass through your brain before you posted them? How completely vile.

OP, I applaud you for defending your mum. I'd have done exactly the same.

BrokenWing · 08/09/2018 10:31

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Havaina · 08/09/2018 10:32

@Anxious2nightaaah

Just because it used to be the disabled bay doesn't mean she's entitled to park there now, and having terminal cancer doesn't give special privileges to flout parking rules

Have you RTFT? Blue badge holders are allowed to park in P&C bays.

Havaina · 08/09/2018 10:32

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RedHelenB · 08/09/2018 10:33

they were probably shoutimg as you were in the car and they were outside so you could hear. it was a total overreaction and probably embarassed your mum!
Having said all that I wish all the gery best to you and your muk xx

Rebecca36 · 08/09/2018 10:34

Your mother was in the right to want to park there, no reason why she shouldn't but shouting back at that rude person put you on the same level. There was no need to say anything and if you felt you had to you could have done it quietly instead of being a fish wife like her.

Original poster
NutElla5x · 08/09/2018 10:34

I'm just surprised that there were more parent and child than disabled.. I can NEVER get a parent and child space, but there is always loads of disabled spaces free.
Me too actually.I've never noticed how many they had before.Then again I've not been to Morrison's for ages, and don't really look out for parent and child spaces anymore anyway as my kids aren't little anymore.

OP posts:
tillytrotter1 · 08/09/2018 10:35

The people carrier had no right to be there if the children were being left in the car, I thought they were to allow people to get their sherman tank-like prams, or whatever, out?

MagnaDoodle · 08/09/2018 10:36

Honestly. I have two kids under four. Getting them in and out of the car is difficult and the extra space makes my life so much easier.

I’d more than happily give the space up for the OPs Mum. Or any disabled person. Anyone who wouldn’t is a fucking twat. Anxious.