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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think that nursery staff should not kiss children?

143 replies

BigBlueBubble · 07/09/2018 23:04

www.itv.com/news/2018-09-07/majority-of-staff-not-allowed-to-kiss-nursery-children/

“Sue Learner, editor of daynurseries.co.uk, said: It is very sad so many nursery staff feel unable to show affection to children by kissing them”

AIBU to think it’s totally correct and not allowed all sad that nursery staff dont kiss children? It’s unhygienic! Literally yesterday it was in the news about a baby who almost died due to contracting herpes.

OP posts:
Original poster
BigBlueBubble · 07/09/2018 23:05

Trying clicky link again!

www.itv.com/news/2018-09-07/majority-of-staff-not-allowed-to-kiss-nursery-children/

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 07/09/2018 23:08

Blimey, I absolutely agree, I hate being told to kiss snotty nosed kids of friends and relatives let alone kids of strangers or clients. Why do it? Imagine if a teacher kissed a child

Smellybean · 07/09/2018 23:10

One of dds nursery staff does. Don’t bother me. She absolutely adores dd and I see her kiss some of the other children too. Never seen anyone complain. Actually Children catch all sorts from other children in nursery. Obviously if I do spot anything I’m not comfortable with I will telll them.

ginswinger · 07/09/2018 23:14

I think that children denied physical contact with their caregivers is sadder.

one2three4five · 07/09/2018 23:20

I completely disagree. I would much rather that my child received physical affection from his nursery worker than not. I think the herpes thing is huge scaremongering, and that hygiene surrounding nursery staff giving little children a kiss (let's face it, they are hardly covering them in kisses like parents do!), is a laughable issue considering the germs and stuff that little kids undoubtedly carry around and pick up every day. I find the idea of small children being denied physical affection from those caring for them so closely, MUCH worse than the idea of them being kissed occasionally.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 07/09/2018 23:22

Agree with ginswinger. I’ve seen children go up to their nursery teacher/key worker at homemade time for a kiss and cuddle. They are small children they spend a lot of time with these people they develop a bond. When my dc were nursery age I’d rather know that if they fell or were upset that they could go to someone and get a hug and bit of affection from someone than be turned away. I was glad my dc went to nurseries where they got that affection.

Slimtimeagain · 07/09/2018 23:22

Nanny here who kisses the children! I think it's important in a child's development to feel loved. I obviously know that I don't have herpes!

TheHollowLeggedGoat · 07/09/2018 23:23

Professionally, they probably shouldn't. Too open to misinterpretation.
But to the OP and all those say they shouldn't, I must ask this: What are we doing to our kids, to deny them the right to a warm and loving relationship with someone who is, in some cases, their main caregiver for most of the week?

Rednaxela · 07/09/2018 23:26

Little children need physical affection to develop into healthy adults.

Heck most adults need physical affection to stay emotionally healthy!

RochelleGoyle · 07/09/2018 23:28

Our childminder gives our two year old lots of cuddles and affection. He is incredibly comfortable with her and she clearly cares about him a lot. I would far rather that than the opposite scenario.

villainousbroodmare · 07/09/2018 23:30

Lots of cuddles and a few kisses too in DS's pre-school. I'm happy about that.

Enidblyton1 · 07/09/2018 23:31

I can see why your gut reaction would be one of horror, OP, but I have to disagree with you. I might have said the same if it were not for the experience my younger DD had at nursery.

DD went to a small nursery (10-15 children) and 5 lovely staff members. It was more like a large family than a typical nursery and the staff often kissed and cuddled the children. My DD loved it there so much and I’ve never seen such a bunch of happy, confident kids. I think it’s such a shame that physical contact is seen as unprofessional.

WyfOfBathe · 07/09/2018 23:38

I think that cuddling, hand holding and sitting on laps is great. Physical affection and reassurance is great for little ones. My DDs both go to wonderful affectionate childminders.

I wouldn't be happy with kissing though. The only children I kiss are my own DC. The only adults who kiss them in the UK are me, DH, and occasionally grandparents. Kissing seems quite intimate to me, but I can't articulate why, especially as I grew up in France where everybody kisses everybody (hence the "in the UK" caveat)

shirleyschmidt · 07/09/2018 23:38

We chose our nursery because we noticed the staff seemed more affectionate with the children. I witnessed my DD being given a little peck on the head one morning and was just pleased that clearly that staff member feels warmly towards my daughter. I think it's a shame anyone would view it any more harshly, anything they might catch from a carer is ten times more likely to come from one of the other kids anyway.

HugeGlassofMalbec · 07/09/2018 23:54

I think that children denied physical contact with their caregivers is sadder.

^ this

My children go to a nursery that places security, attachment, and emotional development above all other areas of development. They spend a lot of waking hours at nursery and I chose the nursery because they'll be cuddled and kissed when me and their Dad aren't with them.

AfterSchoolWorry · 07/09/2018 23:56

I work with children. I've never wanted to kiss them on the lips. To me that's their parents thing. My own daughter likes to give a kiss on the lips and that's lovely. But it's the child's choice. I wouldn't be happy if a childcare practitioner was asking for kisses.

I'll definitely hug and snuggle and comfort children, be very gentle and kind to them.

A couple of times children have kissed me on the lips by surprise.

If they ask for a kiss I usually make a smooch noise while hugging cheek to cheek and children love that.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/09/2018 23:57

It is sad, these are young children who spend most of their day with the nursery staff, some might be sad, or lonely. What is this world coming to when a caregiver cannot show comfort to a child.

ErictheGuineaPig · 08/09/2018 00:00

I kiss my mindees. Only the littler ones and usually because they ask me to by putting their arms up and puckering up or verbally asking. Sometimes a spontaneous kiss on the cheek or top of the head when we're having a cwtch. I would find it very hard not to - especially when they initiate it. Especially as my own kids are here being kissed! Never kiss the older kids though but always cwtch back when they initiate it.

Basically as long as kids boundaries are respected and it's something they are happy with I don't see why not...

Thehop · 08/09/2018 00:00

I can’t imag not kissing the children I look after that I’m close to. I don’t ever kiss their lips obviously but when they come for a cuddle, a little kiss on the head is just reaffirming that they’re cared for, and important.

44PumpLane · 08/09/2018 00:07

Aw I would love to think my kids were receiving that level of affection from the wonderful nursery staff at their nursery!

Original poster
BigBlueBubble · 08/09/2018 00:08

I’m glad this issue has been raised because when DS goes to nursery I’ll choose one that doesn’t permit kissing. It wouldn’t previously have occurred to me to ask about that.

I just find it unprofessional for a paid carer to put their mouth on my child. DH and I are the only ones who kiss our DC but even we don’t do lip kisses. I don’t want to put my mouth on a cheek where someone else’s mouth has been. I wouldn’t find it appropriate for a school teacher to kiss my child so don’t see why nursery staff should be any different.

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 08/09/2018 00:13

I don’t think little children enjoy being kissed by people, affection can be shown without kissing.

MaryShelley1818 · 08/09/2018 00:22

Oh OP I find that so incredibly sad.
Our DS starts nursery soon and I’d be over the moon to see him receiving love and affection from someone who he’ll grow very close to over the years (after all he’ll see them more often than any family members apart from me and DP). He’s a baby, a little cuddle and a kiss on the cheek/head will make my cuddly affectionate little boy feel so much more secure.

Helendee · 08/09/2018 00:22

I'm a childminder and work with my DH and we often kiss our little ones, usually on top of their heads and give them loads of cuddles, we are genuinely fond of them and while they are with us we treat them the same as our own grandchildren; the parents love it and I would feel very sad if we were asked not to show affection.

KoshaMangsho · 08/09/2018 00:33

I am horrified by this. Of course a caregiver should kiss a child. Not on the lips. But when snuggling to read a book a kiss on the head is entirely appropriate. My kids have been looked after two nannies in the last 7 years and both have been hugely affectionate. My 7 year old who wouldn’t be caught dead kissing anyone, met his old nanny the other day and ran up to her and showered her in kisses and she hugged and kissed him back. They are NOT teachers in a school. They are caregivers for very small, often non verbal children.

Also yes I have kissed children who aren’t mine. My niece whom I have looked after since she was a baby. (And my sister has kissed and cuddled my babies from pretty much the time they were born- she was their first visitor both times). And a few friends’ children and they have kissed mine too. In fact one of my oldest friends was over yesterday (now lives in a different country) and my kids were all over her and she hugged and kissed both. How utterly bizarre to say no to this. It was so lovely to see, and I don’t know when we shall see her again.