AIBU to think that nursery staff should not kiss children?

[BigBlueBubble]

www.itv.com/news/2018-09-07/majority-of-staff-not-allowed-to-kiss-nursery-children/

“Sue Learner, editor of daynurseries.co.uk, said: It is very sad so many nursery staff feel unable to show affection to children by kissing them”

AIBU to think it’s totally correct and not allowed all sad that nursery staff dont kiss children? It’s unhygienic! Literally yesterday it was in the news about a baby who almost died due to contracting herpes.

I work in a nursery. I wouldn’t kiss a child but if they came to me for a kiss I would offer my cheek and not push them away. I do give lots of cuddles though and have seen other staff kissing children (mostly on top of their head after a cuddle). I’m not really a ‘kissing’ person though, other than with DH or DS. DS’s childminder always kisses him on top of his head or his cheek when he goes to her for a cuddle and I don’t mind at all, he goes to her house 5 days a week and plays with her children at weekends so she’s practically extended family. I can see both sides of the argument, some people are naturally more affectionate but I can also see why some parents may feel uncomfortable with it.

I work in a nursery. I kiss the children on the head or cheek. If a child goes to kiss me on the lips I will turn my head so they kiss my cheek. Never had any complaints of any parents.
I think it will be a sad day and a day that I will leave childcare if we are unable to cuddle and show the child affection. As a mother of 2 myself I would hate to think my child was kept at arm's length by staff.

If you're this squeamish about kissing a child's cheek, OP, I'm amazed you've managed to conceive at all
It’s fine for family members to kiss. I just don’t like strangers kissing my DC. Adults don’t kiss other adults, even if they spend a lot of time with them eg a work colleague, and especially not in a professional context such as a carer or teacher. People would find it odd if a carer was kissing the adult they care for, so I don’t see why children are any different. Carers can offer comfort and affection without putting their mouth on the child.

Do you not have wider family who see your DC?
They have aunts, uncles and grandparents. They hug them and have physical contact but don’t put their mouths on them. I don’t kiss my nephews and we adults don’t kiss each other either. My parents kissed me when I was a child but not since I’ve grown up. Kissing is a very intimate thing between husband and wife and our DC. Certainly not something that strangers should be doing to an unrelated child imo.

That sounds very cold bigblue
Adults and children aren't the same. Children enjoy being cuddled and kissed in order to feel safe and secure, adults have grown out of needing this level of reassurance. If my DD hurts herself then kissing it better absolutely works. I have friends that I will cuddle and kiss on the cheek when I meet or leave them and I think that's not unusual.

I can see how kids benefit from being cuddled but don’t see what additional benefit they would get from also being kissed. Having lips pressed on you isn’t any more comforting than arms. It’s not like they never get kissed - they get kissed by family at home. IMO it’s more that nursery staff want to indulge their own urge to kiss, rather than it actually being beneficial for the child.

I think it is beneficial, that's why it feels like such a natural thing to do. But even if you don't, what harm will it do?

If you don't trust them then why send your child there.

You sound very cold op.

But even if you don't, what harm will it do?
I don’t want my DC infected with an incurable disease such as herpes.

Didn’t read the whole thread but this really is a nation of icicles.

Have a bit of warmth ffs. Hug a kid!

You, OP, are paranoid.

I work in a preschool, I would never kiss the children but I am affectionate as in ruffle of
their hair and lots of cuddles! I adore them all and I think to never have contact is a step too far. Often the children request cuddles imagine how they would feel if I said no!

OP you have a very specific set of internal family rules, with low levels of physical displays of affection, even for the UK they are low levels. Other cultures as have been discussed and other families in the UK have very different rules around levels of physical affection. Dc require different care to adult due to their development needs so aren't comparable. You are perfectly entitled to your family views on this but they have no more intrinsic virtue than others who feel differently.

Pretty saddened at the thought they don't get shown affection tbh

Once when looking after my niece, maybe 20 years ago, I was putting her to bed and she asked for a kiss goodnight and I did and she said "no a french kiss" and I'm like "hey wut"? And she explained that her nursery teacher french kissed her all the time

I'm basically on the phone to my sister by this point when she clarifies she means a kiss on each cheek, euro style greeting

Oh dear, I didn't get the memo about not kissing work colleagues (who are also friends!) on the cheek. And I'm a teacher... My toddler DD loves kissing and cuddling familiar adults. We chose our nursery because there are tons of cuddles and kisses on the head in the baby room; reduced to cuddles and kissing bumps better in the toddler room and presumably cuddles only when need to comfort in pre school. Nice transitional steps from home to school environment.

Herpes?!! Op you need to seek help.

I just find it unprofessional for a paid carer to put their mouth on my child. DH and I are the only ones who kiss our DC but even we don’t do lip kisses. I don’t want to put my mouth on a cheek where someone else’s mouth has been. I wouldn’t find it appropriate for a school teacher to kiss my child so don’t see why nursery staff should be any different.

Jesus. I'm so glad my parents weren't like this. How cold. Poor kids.

I think it's lovely that Nursery staff kiss my children. It shows affection would rather that then not show affection. My little one loves kissing and cuddling people x

People would find it odd if a carer was kissing the adult they care for

I've got incurable cancer so I have all sorts of wonderful medical professionals involved in my care. Some of them kiss and hug me.

When I was in hospital none of the drugs were helping and one nurse just climbed onto my bed and held me for a while. It helped me through one of the hardest night's of my life.

There is so much comfort to be had from human contact (all issues of consent, infection etc. aside).

I'm confused at all of the posters saying things like I would feel very sad if we were asked not to show affection. or I think that children denied physical contact with their caregivers is sadder.

Nobody wants to stop affection and physical contact. There are many ways to show affection physically without kissing eg hugs, snuggles, carrying, piggy backs, holding hands, sitting on laps, stroking hair/back.

It’s fine for family members to kiss.

But they're just as likely to pass on an infection as anyone else. And how many mass outbreaks of herpes in nurseries have you come across?

You are perfectly entitled to your family views on this but they have no more intrinsic virtue than others who feel differently.
On the contrary, I feel I have every right to say that unrelated adults and paid employees must not kiss my child.

But they're just as likely to pass on an infection as anyone else
My child came out of my body. I kiss and have sex with my DH. As a family we have that unavoidable level of intimacy. But I don’t want that level of intimacy with others outside my family.

I’m not saying that a carer should never hug or comfort a child. So I’m not sure why people are even mentioning that. My post was about kissing being inappropriate. Clearly a lot of people agree as the article I posted says that 2/3 of nursery staff say they aren’t allowed to kiss children.

@WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo

Channel your inner Chris Traeger

I wouldn’t want anyone kissing my ds on the lips but on the cheek/ head etc would be fine.

In fact I chose DS nursery years ago because while we got pricing he’d been playing in the baby room and the lady who bought him back to us carried him in with a big smile he was snuggled in to her (9 months old) and she kissed him on the side of the head to say goodbye.

She genuinely loved each and every child and never crossed a line but showed affection and DS loved her and even though he’s in year 3 now he always runs to her for a hug when we bump in to her.

I work in a babyroom. I might kiss the children on the top of the head, I've cared for children in the past who love to be kissed in a playful way on their neck as the tickling makes them giggle. And I've done the whole 'kiss it better' if they've had a bump. Some of them will come and pucker up for a kiss, and I'll offer my cheek- I've never kissed on the lips. I wouldn't judge if another staff member didn't offer kisses though, it's personal choice, as long as they're affectionate in other ways.

Our main focus is to provide an environment where the babies can feel at home, safe, secure and happy. Building relationships with staff is really important and 'physical contact' is part of that.

I wouldn't judge if another staff member didn't offer kisses though, it's personal choice
IMO it shouldn’t be personal choice though. A line should be drawn by nursery policy to say what is permissible. 2/3 of nurseries have decided that kissing should not be permitted. The article claims this is sad but I actually think it’s appropriate.