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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that nursery staff should not kiss children?

143 replies

BigBlueBubble · 07/09/2018 23:04

www.itv.com/news/2018-09-07/majority-of-staff-not-allowed-to-kiss-nursery-children/

“Sue Learner, editor of daynurseries.co.uk, said: It is very sad so many nursery staff feel unable to show affection to children by kissing them”

AIBU to think it’s totally correct and not allowed all sad that nursery staff dont kiss children? It’s unhygienic! Literally yesterday it was in the news about a baby who almost died due to contracting herpes.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 08/09/2018 06:59

People are being a bit dramatic Re not kissing. It isn't kiss them or cold shoulder them is it? My 3 yo DS gets lots of cuddles, the kids get picked up and comforted. I've never seen them kiss him. He still gets ample physical warmth from them.

I had heard tales of staff being told in nurseries to not touch kids so was very relieved when he cried day 1 to leave him snuggled on the lap and into the bosom of his 121

I don’t think little children enjoy being kissed by people. Kids don't like being made to kiss people but most kids are happy kissing people they love.

mygrandchildrenrock · 08/09/2018 07:01

Shock horror, yesterday at my nursery school, a new little boy fell over and hurt his hand and I kissed it better! I am a teacher, work in a school and I kiss.

Aftereights91 · 08/09/2018 07:01

My little boy has just started nursery this week and I specifically asked if they kiss the kids when they ask for it. My little boy likes a kiss better when he's hurt, and I would much rather his carer give him a kiss better than have him upset and hurt when I'm not there.

MrsPworkingmummy · 08/09/2018 07:06

@Aftereights91 us too! We specifically found childminders who were happy to lovr and nurture our children, showing this through hugs, kisses and cuddles as that's what are children are used to. It's a sad state of affairs that we're even discussing this. The world would be a much nicer, happier place if we all touched each other more.

LuvSmallDogs · 08/09/2018 07:07

I think kissing on the lips from non-family would be odd, but otherwise my DS2’s play school ladies kissing him wouldn’t bother me.

I’ve don’t believe I’ve seen them do it, but they are very cuddly with the children so it wouldn’t seem odd at all for them to peck them on top of the heads while cuddling the IYSWIM.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 08/09/2018 07:10

I don't understand how you can't see that the needs of a child at school and one at nursery are hugely different. Very little children need affection in a way that school children are starting to perhaps not to.

QueenJane · 08/09/2018 07:10

DS has a close bond with his key worker in nursery. She cuddles and kisses him and I think it would be odd if she didn’t...

Children need love and affection. If he wants a cuddle and kiss at nursery I don’t see what the problem is. It’s about having consent from the child, in the right context. That’s a bigger issue. He doesn’t want a kiss from his great aunt fanny, who he has only met once since birth. I certainly wouldn’t force him, although this seems to be regarded as acceptable??

SuperGlowBug · 08/09/2018 07:12

I think that children denied physical contact with their caregivers is sadder.

^ this

I find your attitude sad and a bit odd tbh.

Gersemi · 08/09/2018 07:31

If you're this squeamish about kissing a child's cheek, OP, I'm amazed you've managed to conceive at all.

CripsSandwiches · 08/09/2018 07:33

Nursery staff are dealing with very young children who need physical affection during the day. They don't necessarily need to be kissed but certainly hugged, cuddled, picked up etc. I think it's lovely if staff are affectionate with the kids.

HopeGarden · 08/09/2018 07:39

I think that children denied physical contact with their caregivers is sadder.

Absolutely this. The children in day nurseries are so little, they need love and affection from their caregivers. Hugs, cuddles, and yes, kisses on the head and cheek.

I’d have reservations about sending my DC to a nursery where staff were banned from this.

OddBoots · 08/09/2018 07:43

I work in an early years setting for children aged 2+ and I try not to kiss the children but in the 15 years I have been doing it there have been times when I have caught myself by reflex giving a little kiss on the top of the head to a child when they have cuddled in for a story or similar.

When children ask for something kissed better I teach them to kiss their own finger then touch that to their hurting part. I don't cuddle or pick up children unless they instigate it. I am trying to do the right thing and here is absolutely nothing sexual there but there is an instinct to show care and affection. I hope I am never fired for that.

Booboostwo · 08/09/2018 07:47

Don’t move on France, you’ll have conniptions over the number of people who will kiss you and your child.

But seriously you attitude is really disturbing. Don’t you think emotional and psychological development are important?

PhilomenaButterfly · 08/09/2018 07:52

*immunocompromised

user1471426142 · 08/09/2018 07:55

One of the reasons I like my nursery is the cuddles and affection the staff show. I’d hate an environment where that wasn’t allowed. When my little girl moved rooms, it took her a little while to transition but there was a lady she loved in the baby room who met her in the morning in the big room and gave her a massive cuddle and looked after her until she settled down. She absolutely needed that affection from staff to feel secure and happy. I want nursery staff to feel able to give children a cuddle and kiss if they’re upset, hurt or feeling poorly.

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 08/09/2018 08:07

I don't think nursery is the place for your child if you don't want them to be kissed, the babies and toddlers are always hugging and kissing each other, imagine the germs you'll pick up from them.
I can't believe you don't allow anyone to kiss your child, what about grandparents or aunts and uncles, how very very sad

Starlight345 · 08/09/2018 08:11

As a childminder all children are different . I have had some that would like to be cuddled all day , some that are much better been distracted when they are upset but all are welcome to have a kiss and cuddle . Mostly kisses on the head . I don’t kiss them on the lips . I also don’t have herpes.

Whoever said children don’t like kisses if a child didn’t want a kiss or cuddle it’s not forced. Who doesn’t kiss their children at bedtime . I still kiss my high school child if I refused to kiss he he would be devestated.

Nodancingshoes · 08/09/2018 08:13

I have been a nursery nurse for 20 years. I wouldn't generally kiss the children but sometimes children want a kiss goodbye and I wouldn't say no to them - we are a big part of these children's lives and we actually do care very deeply about the children in our care.

SoyDora · 08/09/2018 08:17

DD1 is at school now but she adored her key worker at nursery. On her last day she was sobbing as she was leaving, and her key worker gave her a huge cuddle and kiss (on the head). No idea if she did those things on a day to day basis, but I hope she did. DD loves physical affection and a cuddle/kiss every now and then would have made her day much happier.
Incidentally, what do you think is going to happen to you if someone kisses your child’s cheek at nursery and then a few hours later you kiss that same spot?
DD2 in the other hand is a hard hearted beast and would wipe kisses away!

1981fishgut · 08/09/2018 08:38

I was on the safeguarding board and we had a hard time encouraging staff to have physical contact with the children

it you must have your children in childcare from 8 till 6 it’s vital for there development and well being some children spend more time in childcare than with their parents were not running g a gulag

MrsJayy · 08/09/2018 08:44

I have worked with little children for decades I have never kissed a child never occured to me you can bond with and care for other peoples children without kissing them .

Sisgal · 08/09/2018 08:48

Cuddle yeah but kiss? Not on

Goldenbug · 08/09/2018 09:02

I give cuddles, hugs, huggles, snuggles, but avoid kisses. You can give affection without kissing and it's safer for the staff in terms of protecting themselves from accusations of abuse. I have to bear in mind that a proportion of the public (and Mumsnet) think I'm probably a paedophile already because I'm a man in childcare. Don't want to give them any extra ammunition to use against me.

Noboozeforme · 08/09/2018 09:11

I work with teenagers (in care) so obviously a very different role. We are lead by what the child needs/wants. Some (if not all) of our teens have been starved of love and affection. It's usually a hug and kiss on the top/side of the face but one female teen always kissed on the lips when she was saying goodbye - she would only do it with a few of the female staff so we didn't feel she had boundary issues .. it was just her wanting to. Sometime, when appropriate we may hug a child uninvited because they are clearly in distress and unable to ask directly for what they want/need but thos is judged by the relationship each staff member has with that child.

I would have hated seeing my child at nursery wanting a kiss and being denied one .. but I wouldn't like to have seen a caregiver asking for one. It needs to be led by the child.

mavismcruet · 08/09/2018 09:14

I’m glad this issue has been raised because when DS goes to nursery I’ll choose one that doesn’t permit kissing.

We are polar opposites OP. I couldn’t leave my dc in a nursery that wasn’t full of kisses, cuddles and hugs.

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