To find a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl creepy?

[NatVoll]

I am aware of the fact that "this is none of my business and yada yada", but come on!

Family friend, aged 49, just announced he has a new girlfriend. She is 19. I am horrified, but my sister thinks there is nothing weird about it.

AIBU to think that a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl is absolutely creepy?

LDNH knows the score (if true)

It's all cyclical, when young some guys struggle as women their own age hook up with older men, often to the call of women maturing faster than men and they are more established, mature etc.

Well when those guys grow up, how are they gonna act?

As for pissing away your 20s, how many men are pinned down in their 20s into marriage, having kids. They may want them, may not but the number ofcthreads here where women are complaining that DH doesn't want anymore but they do is huge! Half of my 20s and my 30s was spent earning, working on the house, raising children. Men want sex, women want security.

The chances are a relationship with that age gap will fail, but it would be a shame if the young lady in question pisses away her 20s before she realises that she is better off dating someone closer to her own age

Even if she is happy? Her twenties will be pissed away?

Yeah LDNH is exactly the type of man I'm thinking of, and not in a complimentary way. Shagging someone young enough to be your daughter "makes you feel alive like you never have before" charming.

She means 'not churning out babies' by pissed away. Remember the only metric of success and a life well lived is producing kids.

What a load!

There was a 28 year age gap between Lord and Lady Baden-Powell (of Scouting fame). It probably raised a few eyebrows at the time, but they appear to have been very happy

Wasn't he suspected of abusing young boys?

Utterly grim. Makes me shudder. What on earth can they POSSIBLY have in common?

And is she going to be OK being a carer for an infirm, elderly man, when she is only in her late 30's?

Fuck that.

She means 'not churning out babies'

How nice!

At 19, you can find older people attractive. Would a 19 year old girl not fancy Jose Mourinho for example then, just because he is the age he is?.

And, as taboo as this may sound, you don't stop fancying 19/20/21 year olds just because your own age is going up.

They might have shared interests, they might have a connection where age isn't relevant. She might just fancy his wallet.

Either way, it is not 'creepy'..there is no ' grooming ' going on ( She's 19 not 9 ) . It's perfectly acceptable. They are consenting responsible adults.

Very creepy. Follow the formula - half your age plus 7

And that's the law, is it?

@waltflannigan don't put words in my mouth.
By "pissing away" I meant wasting the opportunity to travel, party and develop her own life and friends instead of tagging along with some past-it old bloke.

You can do both, you know.

bingbongnoise utterly grim? Because YOU can't imagine what they might have in common? Perhaps your judgey pants are strangling your imagination.

It is a bit as she is still so young, but if she was say 5 years older it woulden't be an issue.

I agree, there is a huge emotional maturity gap between an 18/19 year old and a young to mid twenties year old. The idea that a late teenager can really engage and hold their own against someone three decades older is daft. Sure, there will be a few savvy enough to know it is just a fun fling, for many others they will lap up the cynical attention the older bloke is providing thinking it is 'love'.

What on earth can they POSSIBLY have in common?

Seriously? I find it baffling people think younger and older people have no common interests

I would have found someone that age attractive at 19, when I was 17/18 I dated a 42 year old. I must say though, now I am older I do wonder what an earth the 42 yo was doing, it seems wrong but most certainly not usual.

Being in a relationship stops all of that? If anything the older guy is probably happy to see her maybe once a week.

And, as taboo as this may sound, you don't stop fancying 19/20/21 year olds just because your own age is going up

That must be why so many 50 year old women are dating 19 year old boys then? Oh except they don’t. I’m in my 30s and the thought of a boy that age, well I just see them as kids, and so yes I find it creepy that many men look at girls that age and think with their cocks.

ChiaraRimini

"By "pissing away" I meant wasting the opportunity to travel, party and develop her own life and friends instead of tagging along with some past-it old bloke."

Oh, well that's SO much more reasonable.

How do you know that she's not doing all those things anyway? My mum did - both with my dad and encouraged by him.

What if you substituted racial difference for age gap? Then would it be ok to say any of these things? No, it wouldn't. Have a word with yourselves.

Nonce

What a charmer you are!!

Live and let live. I’d find the woman in this situation more creepier to be honest.
^you're weird.

YANBU OP. it's super creepy. Sorry.

What on earth can they POSSIBLY have in common?

Plenty. Just as I do with the much younger men I associate with. I've already been called 'odd' and 'creepy' so I can save some people the trouble.

I like younger men. I mix with those who like me. I really fail to see why anyone can even be bothered to have an opinion about it

Oh and we had loads in common, I was quite mature, he was pretty immature. We went out clubbing and to bars. He wasn't a normal settled down 42 yo.

I did have quite a few age gap relationships at around that age. All over 20 years. Some were more settled me but in high profile jobs so attracted younger women (yes yes wrong I know but that's life). I guess it was a mutually convenient relationship, going out for dinner, cinema, sex. It worked from both sides but I still now think it is not quite right from the man's point of view but at least over 18 is not a huge issue.

I know several people who were with men who were nearly 40 when they were 16, that seems massively wrong now as an adult.

A very good friend was 15 and her partner was 40. She told him she was 17 and he told her he was 28. After a few month they both confessed, stayed together and had a baby when she was 16. They were together years. Knowing her well she was a very mature head strong girl, always went out to get older men. She was an equal in the relationship (as odd as that sounds) but I think that is probably very rare. They split up many many years later but have a good friendly relationship still.

@whycantwegoonasthree the racial comparison is not valid at all, we stay one race but we all get older, and you can't wind the clock back.

As for pissing away your 20s, how many men are pinned down in their 20s into marriage, having kids. They may want them, may not but the number ofcthreads here where women are complaining that DH doesn't want anymore but they do is huge! Half of my 20s and my 30s was spent earning, working on the house, raising children. Men want sex, women want securit

How many men? Precisely as many women I suppose. Why do you have sex with women if you think they don't actually want it and only want security? Are you legitimately admitting to be a rapist? I fucking love sex but my husband knows where everything goes and wouldn't use the word "snatch" because he's not an idiot or 14

I have lots of older and younger friends now, we all have lots in common, quite often it depends on how you meet. You could share a hobby or interest which means you have lots in common.

I have never found 19/20 year old men attractive, even at 15 or 16. I still don't but know many people who do. I think it is rarer for women to go out with much younger men because often they are immature whereas younger women can be quite mature (generalisation I know but just my experience)