Why do parents of year 7 children do this?

[GuavaPalava]

So my DS has started secondary school this week. Prior to starting, we of course had parents evening, literature, uniform rules - it was made very clear what was acceptable and what wasn't

I was added to a 'new starters in year 7' FB group for my area a few months back and it's been used to ask the usual questions you may expect - apart from this week. It's all kicked off with the following ..

A parent in a fury as in day 1 she received a call saying her son's hair was not acceptable. Cue obligatory pic and he's got a half shaved head and tramlines

Another parent going mad as he DD had pink hair over the summer which she 'bleached out apart from the back' - she can't believe she's been told it needs to be sorted

And another moaning because she received a call about her DD wearing make up

All saying what you'd expect - it doesn't have any bearing on their ability to learn. And yeah, they're right - I get that

But why would you do this? You know the guidelines as a parent and they're very clear . AIBU to say that, knowing these rules, it's your child you immediately single out in a new school by sending him/her in with tram lines hair, pink hair and make up?

The trouble is there is no choice. All the schools in my local authority have uniforms and most parents I've spoken to (who themselves have no experience of schools without uniforms) think they are great and the government think they are great as well. So if you think uniforms are bullshit then where can you send your children to be educated?

@deepsea another spectacular point miss.

Do you have an opinion on the actual matter being debated?

I personally think that the uniform rules are generally too strict as by themselves they won’t effect a child’s learning.

But it’s not really about that, it’s about learning to abide by rules and regulations, have respect for yourself and those around you and toe the line. It’s about teaching the children how to live as an adult and fit into the community. As a nurse, I couldn’t turn up to work with pink hair, false nails or sandals on just because I felt like it.

It is a sad state of affairs when the parents will side with their dc encouraging them to flaunt the rules of the school. I do wonder what these kids are like out of school and if they have rules or boundaries to abide to at home and what happens when they don’t. The ones that I know are more of a problem out of school than they are in....

Whoops.... wrong thread!

As a nurse, I couldn’t turn up to work with pink hair, false nails or sandals on just because I felt like it.

Do you think if you had gone to a non-uniform school, you'd have had some major issue following the uniform instructions when you later got a job as a nurse?

Because there are entire countries where almost nobody wears a uniform to school, yet their nurses, police officers, pilots, etc. seem to have no problem with it later in life.

A secondary school near me ( relatives dc attend which is how I see this) has brought in a new shoe policy. They informed all parents last June and have even worked with a couple of local shoe shops to have an X school approved range. The shoes seem affordable and reasonable to me BUT loads of parents on FB are acting as if the school have demanded they hammer nails into the kids feet. The amount of outrage and abuse is incredible

maybe they don't see any reason to teach their children to follow blindly rules about their own bodies regarding things that don't affect anyone but themselves?

Just a thought.

the rest of Europe, Canada, America managed to get their children to learn without destroying all of the child's personality/.

Oh, I love those type of groups so I can read them with some popcorn

You always get some utter muppets who kick off as they've been told that the school shoes aren't accceptable as they've got a tiny red tag on or something, and going "but they're black! What's the problem?"
Just buy the right sodding things in the first place, you know the rules, it's not rocket science!
Or car parking wars near school.
It's not necessarily a Year 7 thing, any school year can do them.

Thesearepearls speaks truth. Uniforms get more subtle after you leave school. But if you don't understand and get it and play the game, success is likely to pass you by. Because you didn't get the message or thought it didn't apply to you.

If you couldn't be bothered to wear your school uniform correctly, and your parents allowed you to get away with it, you are unlikely to make a great hit in the adult world either. Sorry to all the "individuals".

@TooMuchPenis it's not a great thought though is it? When you mark your kid out as ' oh, him/her. The 'one to watch'

@rainbowsandsmiles agreed

Yanbu. One of the biggest problems in schools is low level disruption - kids not respecting teachers by talking, not paying attention, mucking about in class. If the message they are getting from parents is that they can break 'small & petty' rules about uniform then how can a teacher enforce 'small & petty' rules in the classroom. And yes it makes life difficult for parents who have paid attention to the rules and enforce them with their child.

whyisntgeorge That is why I don’t post on here much as somebody always takes part of my writing without reading the rest!

It’s not really about the uniform, it’s about following rules and regulations and learning to fit in with society. Most schools around the world have rules that the children have to follow, not just uniform ones.

The 'What's On' and 'Spotted' groups around me have this regularly, usually around shoes. There have been so many posts on trainers and whether or not schools should allow them or how hard it is to get kids to wear formal shoes and it all feels like a lot of drama-static I try to ignore.

I did feel for the parents at one local secondary who had 3 or 4 HT in a short space and all of them made uniform policy changes, even the one who entered mid-year. That seemed like unneeded costs and crap on parents for superficial improvements. Also, I recall one that put very short haircuts under 'extreme cuts' and I'm not sure how a parent is supposed to correct that if that was a fine haircut under the last HT last month.

So, sometimes I think it's ridiculous especially when it's a basic expected thing, but sometimes I think it gets a bit ridiculous and there is reason to complain if not the sad-face newspaper articles. I also think there has to be a better way of dealing with it than in-school suspensions or sending kids home. I really don't see how that's helping anyone and it seems odd that the punishment for that can be the same for being violent.

Hi OP, can I ask what the rules are on hair? I haven't come across them before (as a pupil or parent) and I'm fascinated!

@WhyIsntGeorgeCalledPeterOrPaul and @TooMuchPenis

This is the reason I'm not a fan of uniforms. My Primary school didn't have a uniform and it was fine. My secondary did however and we all managed to pretty much stay within the rules. If we didn't, we knew the consequences.

The discussion however isn't whether there should be a school uniform, but whether you should follow it to the letter, or whether you should disregard it and let your child take the consequences and then moan about it on social media.

Whenever a uniform or rules related post appears on my DC’s school Facebook page, I stop whatever I’m doing, stick the kettle on and settle back to watch it all unfold. It’s phenomenally entertaining!

Someone up thread hit the nail on the head when they we have now have a generation of entitled parents encouraging their kids to behave in the same way.

the rest of Europe, Canada, America managed to get their children to learn without destroying all of the child's personality/.

As I said, I don't care if there is a uniform or not, but if there is one and it's clearly defined and communicated, then it should be followed or campaigned to change. Not just decided that one little cherub should be except becasue he or she wants to be the cool kid (or their parents want them to be).

Wearing a uniform doesn't destroy your personality. As a HM once said, 11 football players on a pitch all wearing the same, can you tell them apart? It's surely better to teach your DC that they aren't defined by their clothes? They are just something that covers your body. i get more annoyed at the things that define how they look when they are not in school such as hairstyles. I don't agree with school having power over how someone looks in the 138 hours a week that they aren't in school. To me that's a far more effective argument than trying to insist that black trainers are black shoes.

Whyisnt

Most adults don’t know the difference.

I’m not a fan of school uniforms. You see kids in Europe without then an they are smart casual - jeans, leggings, tshirts.

I’d love that here but I dont think we could achieve that.

If you couldn't be bothered to wear your school uniform correctly, and your parents allowed you to get away with it, you are unlikely to make a great hit in the adult world either. Sorry to all the "individuals"

This is such nonsense. I had a very relaxed approach to uniform then became a corporate lawyer and wore a suit for years.

So, why are parents doing this? It's your child who gets the embarrassment of being 'told off

In my case I do it because my child suffers depression and anxiety and, as stupid as it may seem to some, coloring her hair genuinely makes her feel happier and more confident and in her words 'more like me and less like I'm trying to be what everyone else wants me to be.'

I won't lie and say colouring her hair cures her depression and stops her self-harming, it doesn't but it does make her happier.

Sadly, fashion colours are hard to shift from bleached hair. We managed it this time but it was more by luck than anything else.

I would put her in a school where there is no uniform as I do feel she would be happier in an environment where she was allowed to be herself but there are none.

And yes, I have tried teaching her that her self worth is not linked to her appearance and there are other ways she can express herself.

If you don't agree with the school's rules, the way to tackle it is to try and get them changed, not to break them (and then complain that they were rubbish).

Surely that's a much better lesson to teach children of how to change things if they don't like the rules.

I never understand that whole "Freddie has his head shaved and has been suspended until it grows back" local paper stories. What did the parent think would happen? I don't agree with hair style rule so my son will break it and the school will change the rule? Isn't breaking the rules = punishment something very logical and basic that even a toddler knows?

I thought you would be talking about the ones who insist on accompanying their child to the classroom.

In countries where school uniform doesn't exist, the students know very precisely who has money and who doesn't. School uniform, enforced, makes everyone equal.

@rainbowsandsmiles agreed

And it's also a great indicator to know who is one of "those" parents and also those who are common sense, normal people you might like to get to know more