Why do parents of year 7 children do this?

[GuavaPalava]

So my DS has started secondary school this week. Prior to starting, we of course had parents evening, literature, uniform rules - it was made very clear what was acceptable and what wasn't

I was added to a 'new starters in year 7' FB group for my area a few months back and it's been used to ask the usual questions you may expect - apart from this week. It's all kicked off with the following ..

A parent in a fury as in day 1 she received a call saying her son's hair was not acceptable. Cue obligatory pic and he's got a half shaved head and tramlines

Another parent going mad as he DD had pink hair over the summer which she 'bleached out apart from the back' - she can't believe she's been told it needs to be sorted

And another moaning because she received a call about her DD wearing make up

All saying what you'd expect - it doesn't have any bearing on their ability to learn. And yeah, they're right - I get that

But why would you do this? You know the guidelines as a parent and they're very clear . AIBU to say that, knowing these rules, it's your child you immediately single out in a new school by sending him/her in with tram lines hair, pink hair and make up?

Uniform and hairstyle rules are for the most part a form of subjugation and control. All power games.

School DD went to was very very strict about uniform, but parents were given a clear message when choosing the School. It’s an academically focused school with strict uniform and behaviour policies with nearly 90% of pupils getting 5 A-C GCSEs (in old money).

It’s officially a community school, but uses the uniform to exclude the wrong sort of pupils —and parents— so is basically a grammar in all but name.

As Bill Clinton didn’t quite say, it’s the economic status of parents innit.

Another classic and amazing point-miss there @ThinkingAllowed85

Whoosh!

It’s the same every year stupid parents showing their kids that rules don’t matter. Well Janet don’t come complaining when Jarred can’t hold down a job as an adult because he can’t follow simple ducking rules you moron.

It’s not about if the rule is good or not it’s a set uniform if you don’t like it don’t go there simple otherwise follow it (SN adjustments aside).

@TheDowagerCuntess heh heh

Some people aren't organised/educated/competent enough to read all the info the school sends and act upon it. OP you sound judgemental.

The school my DS goes to has a long list of rules about haircuts and shoes, my DS has broken most of them and never been told off for it. So what it might say on the website etc might not actually be what is enforced anyway.

Strict, pissy uniform policies are usually an indicator of either a failing school or one with a potentially toxic culture.
Time and again the news stories about kids excluded for uniform issues are spun as 'look at these fucking chavs who won't obey their betters, no wonder their parents can't get jobs' when the truth is that the school's either just been academised or got a new SLT who still think that the way to 'turn the school around' is to bully the fuck out of the kids and exclude the poor ones as fast as possible.
Often these schools have had something like three complete changes of uniform within a couple of years ('rebranding' and similar crap). You have to buy it all from the 'official' shop, which is frequently overpriced and poor quality.
It's all so unnecessary. Apart from work clothes which have a health-and-safety purpose, the jobs that require a uniform to be worn are usually low pay and low status - while catering and retail are not shameful industries to work in, as such, a job stacking shelves or dishing out chips is not necessarily something a kid should aspire to, either. The world as a whole would be better served if kids were taught to question, to enquire, to be creative - and to be kind. Not all this pissing around with exact length of hair and fit of your trousers.

Now here's an important question: does having a crazy hairstyle stop a child from learning the difference between affect and effect?

@NoLeslie I never said I wasn't judging the parents. I am

At my children's school they have ruled like this in place i do honestly think it's quite stupid but they do make it very clear before they join. But at my kids school they have these rules so they all look professional.

Also (as with people who resent their kids being force-fed superstitious bullshit) it's all very well telling people to move their DC to another school: there are areas where there are no other schools and you're stuck with the nearest one.
Also, schools change. I made a conscious effort, when choosing a secondary for DS, to look for one that wasn't fixated on things like hairstyles and uniform-shop-brand trousers. They got a new HT in, changed the name, and brought in all this nonsense.

Though to be fair, a lot of the utter idiocy in the school handbook appears to have been a standard cut and paste from some or other template, and both staff and pupils ignore the worst 'instructions'.

A little off topic but at dc’s secondary I was suprised to learn that sixth formers all have to wear “smart business attire”

I have no issue with uniform up to gcse. But sixth form is all about figuring out your identity by wearing obscure band t-shirts, going goth and getting weird hairstyles. Finding your tribe.

I’ve told dd she is going to a sixth fom with no dress policy and living in black jeans and Cure T-shirts.

My view is generally that I couldn't care less if there is a uniform or not, and I think all the stuff about it helping with discipline etc and being a better learning environment has very little bearing on pupils learning and achievement. It's about control. However, if they have a uniform policy and it's clearly stated and communicated then it should be followed. If parents don't like it then they should tackle it themselves by joining the pta/speaking to the headmaster etc. If DC don't like it then they need to take appropriate "grown up" action by lobbying the HM etc. Parents shouldn't be using DC to make a point as what they are doing is teaching their DC that the rules don't apply to them.

So in short, follow the rules or campaign/work for change.

Yes parents like these come across as very... something.

I can’t put my finger on it, but I judge them too. It’s all a bit sad really, like a prolonged teenaged rebellion.

”the jobs that require a uniform to be worn are usually low pay and low status”

.... surgeons
.... pilots
.... judges
.... police

Yep. Low pay and status

Our local secondary was telling pupils off for unironed shirts to be fair the kids did look a state in their unironed not tucked in shirts.

My son started high school yesterday his uniform includes black trousers they dont have to be logoed just normal trousers a child that. lives on our estate (but didnt go to the same primary school) who also started yesterday was wearing tight grey jeans with the rest of the uniform

Apart from work clothes which have a health-and-safety purpose, the jobs that require a uniform to be worn are usually low pay and low status

Not true. I have work clothes. Tidy suits. Maybe a daring jacket in powder blue to go with a black skirt. Stuff bought at boutiques at eye-watering prices. Eyewateringly expensive handbags. Neat shoes

But don't believe there isn't uniform. There is. And by the way I earn a lot of money. Quite a lot of money. But I still have to wear a uniform.

I am not on Facebook for this reason (amongst a million other reasons) I do not, and never want to be part of all this petty noise.

Rise above it - seriously unfollow : check out and set an example.

There are dimensions to food service not limited to dishing out chips. Cooking great food in beautiful surroundings to people who are paying a lot of money to eat very good meals, well-cooked from fine ingredients, with immense care and attention to every detail, from good china and nice cutlery..is highly skilled and creative work.

You say that SGB - but all the best schools for results and ofsted reports around here have super strict rules too - but don't tend to have the news stories, I assume because the sharp elbows required to get your DCs in them in the first place means you are more likely as a parent to stick to the rules, however pointless you think they are. At best, parents will campaign to change the uniform rules, but will not tolerate their DCs breaking the rules while they are still in place.

I know warehouse staff that ontop of the ppe have an actual uniform they must wear, all the way up to the M.D. of the company wear strict uniforms and staff are sent home to change if it’s not correct not one member of staff is even on minimum wage or anywhere near so it’s not just low paid or low status while companies do it from the “bottom” to the very top.

I have to say too, i moved from a school with a very strict uniform policy- even specifying knickers, that wasn’t enforced, thankfully, to one which was very relaxed, not going much beyond blue skirt, and jumper, white shirt.

There was far, far less bullying at the former. Kids rebelled in small ways, rolling skirts up, ties skinny side up. But jesus at the second school there was so much competition about brand, whether your skirt came from m&s (square!) or top shop (cool kid!). Everything was judged and commented on. Brand, whether is was fashionable, the correct fit depending on what was the current trend- we went through phases of tight and short, tight and ankle length, tight and knee length...and of course if you were wearing last years style, too poor? Too unfashionable? Adding things- one year a leather tie was the must have.

That bloody non uniform uniform contributed significantly to making my life hell. I hated the school and consequently severely underperformed.

Everything ReanimatedSGB has said.

And if unironed shirts are an issue when mine start school then we're screwed. We don't iron in our house and we're not about to start. If DH and me can hold down professional office-based jobs without ironing the clothes we wear to work I'm sure our kids will get through school without ironed shirts.

First up, I'm not a fan of school uniform.

Having said that, if there is a dress code, whether in school or in work, you need to follow it. You agree to it when you sign up. If it changes whilst at the school/job, you go through the correct channels, or change school/job. It's about learning how to deal with issues in a responsible manner rather than going for anarchy!

A point raised about this impacting the economically deprived, why are parents allowing their child to have a shaved/dyed hair style; surely that costs more money than a short back and sides and natural hair colour? Same with these skin tight trousers - why choose them over standard formal trousers?

It's about making the right choices IMHO rather than being less well off.