Why do parents of year 7 children do this?

[GuavaPalava]

So my DS has started secondary school this week. Prior to starting, we of course had parents evening, literature, uniform rules - it was made very clear what was acceptable and what wasn't

I was added to a 'new starters in year 7' FB group for my area a few months back and it's been used to ask the usual questions you may expect - apart from this week. It's all kicked off with the following ..

A parent in a fury as in day 1 she received a call saying her son's hair was not acceptable. Cue obligatory pic and he's got a half shaved head and tramlines

Another parent going mad as he DD had pink hair over the summer which she 'bleached out apart from the back' - she can't believe she's been told it needs to be sorted

And another moaning because she received a call about her DD wearing make up

All saying what you'd expect - it doesn't have any bearing on their ability to learn. And yeah, they're right - I get that

But why would you do this? You know the guidelines as a parent and they're very clear . AIBU to say that, knowing these rules, it's your child you immediately single out in a new school by sending him/her in with tram lines hair, pink hair and make up?

It’s interesting I think, that those who insist that uniform is unnecessary and cite other countries where uniform is not enforced, often fail to note that pupils self select a ‘uniform’ in those situations.

I could guarantee that, every time there was a non uniform day in school, the majority would arrive in whatever was the fashion of the day. They selected another uniform. I go to exercise classes. Everyone there wears a uniform of workout clothes.

I don’t understand why you would want your child to be noticed negatively from the very moment they set foot inside their new school and as a former teacher, I can tell you that it is infinitely tedious/annoying/distressing to be spending time dealing with the consequences of refusal to follow school expectations.

As for those who say that a hairstyle or make up or shoes or whatever, does not affect their ability to learn, you may be right, but I would say that it does affect your attitudes to learning and to understanding the rights and responsibilities that come with increasing maturity, independence and preparation for the world of work. Many, if not most, teachers are required to wear a uniform of sorts too. Suit, jacket and tie, dress and jacket are the expectation in many schools.

Yes Foxy and I hated non-uniform day at school because I didn’t have any trendy clothes as my family didn’t have a lot of money and my dad didn’t think nice clothes was something we should spend money on. I was mostly dressed in hand-me-downs. At least when I was in uniform I wasn’t too different.

Tbh if you can’t follow established rules just don’t send your kids there.

There isn’t one school locally that doesn’t have really stupid uniform rules - you have to “sign up” to one school. I do think the rules are petty, superficial and they irritate me - my kids are well behaved and they live within the rules but that doesn’t change how we feel about them. I wish the school would spend time focusing on educating my children not worrying about haircuts and ear rings.

A world where parents that chafe against arbitrary dress restrictions are chastised as raising entitled little 'snowflakes' because God forbid, you question anything.
See this misses the point.

I'm all for teaching students to be critical and reflective and to challenge authority. The difference is I teach them how to do it in a way that is clear, articulate and gets their voices heard whereas some people send their child in non uniform, tell their child to argue back, defend their child being argumentative and defiant and then whine about how unfair it is their child got in trouble.

The students I've worked with who've had the biggest impact changing things in schools are the ones who follow the rules, wear the uniform and know how to challenge and be listened to, not the ones whose parents encourage defiance and then criticise anyone who dares point out how stupid their compo face is in the local paper when their lad with lines in his hair and his refusal to wear school shoes saw him sent home.

@Foxyloxy1plus1

”It’s interesting I think, that those who insist that uniform is unnecessary and cite other countries where uniform is not enforced, often fail to note that pupils self select a ‘uniform’ in those situations.

I could guarantee that, every time there was a non uniform day in school, the majority would arrive in whatever was the fashion of the day. They selected another uniform.”

Yes ^ this!

"The vast majority of children in Western Europe manage to achieve an education and learn to respect 'authority' without being dressed as junior accountants in some provincial Town Hall. "

Yep, but they achieve that probably because the parents have taught them to have respect; why don't we in this country? Is it to do with aspirations?

There is one other option too.... homeschool

I couldn't give a shiny shit about these parent's plight. Fuck 'em frankly.

I'm not one of life's rule followers. But then I did my time, I will comply when I need to. Just abide by the school's rules - they are trying to educate your child and get them ready for the real world. Employers. Institutes. Social niceties.

Every time these parents do this BS they are detracting from teaching time.

You signed your kid up for the place so follow the uniform guidelines or frankly, fuck off.

And stop littering my WhatsApp and email address with whining. I don't care.

The world isn't an easy place, learn how to act or expect to go the harder path.

🤗

And my children are at school where there is no uniform. I had to wear a kilt!

It's much more of a pain in the arse to not have uniform. And costs more. These plebs need to cop on.

My DSs school has a school uniform, they expect adherence to it but don't get overly concerned about skirt length, whether shoes are actually shoes and not shoe like trainers, whether girls seem to be wearing black leggings instead of skirts or trousers, whether some of the older boys don't own a blazer and just wear the shirt and tie. No rules about hair styles or colour. Some DC have coloured hair, some have fairly extreme styles. The Dc still all look smart and the school has virtually no discipline issues other than a bit of lld, they come in the top 5/10 for state school in terms of exam results (not England).

It's possible to have a uniform, expect general conforming, not get caught up in the minutiae and do well academically and discipline wise.

Example photo from school website.

'Respecting authority' isn't an inherently desirable quality in the first place. Don't forget that the education in the UK is an absolute clusterfuck; the constant testing, snooping, box-ticking and bean counting is having an appalling effect on children's mental health; the repeated cuts to school funding are doing far more damage to children's potential and ability to learn than having blue hair might.
But those who are either smug, stupid or officious keep insisting that if the lower classes would only 'obey authority' (ie the people who are repeatedly fucking them over) then everything would be all right. This is why the sort of 'proper' school uniforms often imposed on struggling schools are anachronistic wank fantasy for Daily Mail readers rather than simple, affordable, practical clothes for kids to go about their daily business in.

My DCs aren’t school age yet, so this isn’t an issue for me. But, when they do go to secondary, I expect I’ll get them into the best school we can manage and whatever their rules are, we’ll follow them as we’ll want them to be at that school 🤷‍♀️. So yes, I get why people are wondering why parents sign up to the rules and then are all “what ?” when they get pulled up for breaking said rules.

But, if you want my opinion, I also think strict uniform policies are unnecessary and outdated. I can’t imagine giving a shiny shit what a child's hair cut was like if I was a teacher. I bet it takes up a lot of their time policing who has a facial piercing and who has the wrong hair colour. As if they don’t have enough to do. It does seem a little arbitrary; rules for the sake of rules to “prove” pupils can follow them.

And at this point I would like to make it clear that

1. I do not have Facebook and do not understand Insta and WhatsApp etc.
2. DD goes to school with her hair as natural as I can manage to get it after her stints of self-expression.
3. The only time I complained to the school re her hair/punishments I was complaining about the way it was handled, not that she was in trouble and I did not whine about it on social media (see point 1)

I was just pointing out why some parents might do it by explaining why my child, despite my best efforts at removal, sometimes breaks school rules around hair colours.

Hestia we came to se Essex and my ds Had Clark shoes.

He was teased so immediately went to a sport shop to get him shoes that would fit into his new sfend Thorpe Bay environment (and also the fact we had two men tell my dm to fuck off p***.on my ds first day at school here.

Did best we could!

My DD is year 7. I got mildy miffed that DD was warned about warning white shocks, instead black. I've looked everywhere and its not stated.

This is why the sort of 'proper' school uniforms often imposed on struggling schools are anachronistic wank fantasy for Daily Mail readers rather than simple, affordable, practical clothes for kids to go about their daily business in.

Good point. Where I live most school uniforms are school-branded/coloured t-shirts, with tracksuit style shorts, trousers, or skirts. More like a sports kit than a mini suit.

All the arguments about levelling the playing field to avoid bullying and instilling a sense of belonging and pride in your school etc. do not explain why English uniforms have to be these stupid blazers and ties.

Personally I think it's barbaric that children are put into isolation for transgressing petty rules on appearance. I seem to remember that the Soviet Union was once ridiculed for banning flared trousers and now we have privatised school academies imposing harsher regimes on our children.

There is no way I would stand for that.

Knitting - you wouldn't ever need to stand for it by simply adhering to the policies of the school that had been communicated to you

Barbaric

OTT, much.

The strict uniform policy is our HT vanity project. I think that’s the only way she connects with the kids by snipping at their standards of dress. Even when she was giving Ds an award for outstanding achievement the first thing she did was critisize his untied laces. He came home that day and said he wished he hadn’t got the award because she was so ungracious in her delivery. He still has untied laces, still gets awards but no longer turns up to receive them.

Terms and conditions that are unreasonable are not legally enforceable. Schools insisting on ridiculously strict, petty, rules devalues the importance of following the rules that do matter.

I'm by nature a follower of rules - like keeping to the left on stairs at railway stations - but it chafes when the rules are pointless.

And, really, isolation as a punishment for not following uniform rules? Has the country gone mad?

Look at the Facebook page angry people in local newspapers it's full of people #fummin about school uniform issues and hilarious

That said Year 7 girl wants make up on hardly a new issue is it. I did and would have died of acne ridden embarrassment without it.

Yep it's isolation if the issue isn't sorted. Err not prison cell type isolation I hasten to add. Just being taught separately

But it's entirely avoidable. Prior to the first day, when taking your child for a haircut simply request no shaving or tram lines or bleach

@rainbowandsmiles - At least I'm not alone in this reaction. Sometimes I think the only appropriate reaction is over the top.

www.theguardian.com/education/2018/sep/02/barbaric-school-punishment-of-consequence-rooms-criticised-by-parents