Why do parents of year 7 children do this?

[GuavaPalava]

So my DS has started secondary school this week. Prior to starting, we of course had parents evening, literature, uniform rules - it was made very clear what was acceptable and what wasn't

I was added to a 'new starters in year 7' FB group for my area a few months back and it's been used to ask the usual questions you may expect - apart from this week. It's all kicked off with the following ..

A parent in a fury as in day 1 she received a call saying her son's hair was not acceptable. Cue obligatory pic and he's got a half shaved head and tramlines

Another parent going mad as he DD had pink hair over the summer which she 'bleached out apart from the back' - she can't believe she's been told it needs to be sorted

And another moaning because she received a call about her DD wearing make up

All saying what you'd expect - it doesn't have any bearing on their ability to learn. And yeah, they're right - I get that

But why would you do this? You know the guidelines as a parent and they're very clear . AIBU to say that, knowing these rules, it's your child you immediately single out in a new school by sending him/her in with tram lines hair, pink hair and make up?

Haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if it’s already been said.

A lot of the uniform policies are easy to follow and are enforced because they’re easy to enforce and if those rules are allowed to slide then it’s a slippery slope to other rules being broken. If students can’t follow the basics like uniform (especially if parents then fight their battles) then things like classroom discipline and homework are going to become bigger battles!

It's similar to the rules they'll have to follow in the workplace. You know like wearing uniform, not having a ton of make up on, not dyeing your hair the colours of the rainbow etc. Some jobs don't even allow tattoos.

Rules are there for a reason. Don't like them, you can remove your child and home school. Otherwise, shut up and make them follow the rules. They'll have to do it at some point.

It's perfectly possible to go through your whole adult life doing rewarding, important work without having to wear a uniform and obey orders, you know.
If you look - actually take a proper look - at the state we are in at the moment, it's defiance that we need to instill in young people. Because the authorities have no respect for the general public, and are trying to push the idea of obedience and deference and conformity as desirable because that allows the 1% to carry on exploiting the rest.
If you make a rule and want people to obey it, you should be able to justify that rule and give a proper, logical reason for it. If you can't, then you're just on a pointless power trip and deserve to be laughed at.

Every Oxford college I know had the gown. It is mandatory for new undergraduates. Not for all occasions, but lots. And there is a uniform for formal occasions - it's called subfusc.

I haven’t read the whole thread yet but as a staff member in a school with a new Headteacher where uniform has not been changed but where the policy is being enforced fully this term (after plenty of notice being given to parents) I look forward to sitting down later with a glass off wine to read everyone’s thoughts 😀

Rules are there for a reason. Don't like them, you can remove your child and home school. Otherwise, shut up and make them follow the rules. They'll have to do it at some point. people pay taxes.

Some parents just do not like their children having to conform to rules.
A mum was unimpressed that I kept her boy in at lunch on Thursday. I had to explain poking someone with a ruler in the ribs constantly was not acceptable in my class.

I was not impressed by my dcs Yr6 Maths teacher who threatened my dc with detention if they didn't improve their times tables scores every week - I had to explain that they were at peak score and that a weekly improvement was unlikely - of course the big threat wasn't applicable to them....the teacher was really only talking to the 5 lazy kids and how come my kids hadn't realised this!!!! Rules apparently are only applicable to certain kids!

Every Oxford college I know had the gown. It is mandatory for new undergraduates. Not for all occasions, but lots. And there is a uniform for formal occasions - it's called subfusc.

I was a student at Oxford over 20 years ago. I wore subfusc three times, matriculation, viva and graduation. I only wore a gown in college for my matriculation photo. DH wore his brother's Cambridge undergraduate gown at those evens and was not sent down for wearing the wrong uniform. It doesn't compare at all to the rules for school uniforms.

And that is the thing, how many work places would send you home for wearing the wrong clothes? I have a job that requires me to wear PPE or clothing protecting the product at some times. Only not wearing the latter could get you sacked but since we make drugs and not gowning up properly could potentially kill a patient (true for a surgeon as well) the risks are a tiny bit higher than having tramlines in your hair as a school pupil.

Ooh, Count Fosco, where was that? I'm not paying down the law, just interested. I was at Trinity Oxford 10 years ago and had to wear subfusc at the events you describe plus all exams in the Schools. Gown in evening Hall, in Collections with the President (termly), in Chapel if you were in the Choir .. most other colleges I visited were the same.

But yes, of course not the same as school uniform.

I don’t understand the link between school uniform and uniforms in the the work place -

I would have thought people like surgeons wear their scrubs as it is a practical requirement in the operating theatre as opposed to a tweed suit for example.

And police officers have their uniform because of the practical nature of their job - I don’t think they’d be able to chase a robber down an alley very effectively in their stilettos 👠- whilst trying to speak on their walkie talkie if they were wearing a pashmina it may get tangled 🤣

Just got the impression some posters felt that wearing a school uniform was in some way like wearing a uniform for a grown up in the working environment. Which it’s not IMO

The thing is that parents know the rules. Most will have been to open days, had head teachers visits, had letters ...
So no excuses really

@Marie0 I agree most uniforms worn for work are required for a very good reason - they are supplied by work and therefore bloody expensive, if there is no good reason to wear them cost cutting would have eliminated them a long time ago.
The problem with school uniforms is that the user pays and the institution is not quite as price sensitive when it's not their budget. If schools were given a budget for uniforms and then told they had the option of spending the money however they liked - I would be very surprised if any school thought uniform was worth it.
So imo while parents are forced to pay for the corporate clothing the school's are allowed to insist on and while most of us have no choice of schools (never mind a non uniform choice) we will continue to be forced to fund the Head teacher's vanity.

Uniforms required for work other than low-status shitwork usually have a clear purpose such as health and safety, or a ceremonial significance. Yes, there have been exceptions (quite often to do with sexism) and when employees protest about stupid or even dangerous uniform rules, people generally support them.

The sort of contemporary uniform rules that many parents and children object to and refuse to obey are not like that. The clothes are not particularly practical, have little or no relevance to what the children are doing, are overpriced and of poor quality and are not for pupils' benefit at all. It's a combination of school leaders' vanity and fondness for petty power - and quite probably a mild form of extortion and kickback, if you can only get these shitty clothes from one supplier...

Just got the impression some posters felt that wearing a school uniform was in some way like wearing a uniform for a grown up in the working environment. Which it’s not IMO

The whole subject got started because some people think that you have to "practice" wearing a uniform at school or you'll just be unable to do it as an adult.

And also what I really object to (more so than the cost) is there is only one uniform shop in the locality which provides the correct logo hence operating a monopoly- I hate having no choice but to go this shop to get my sons blazer correct PE kit etc to deal with the old busy body ladies who run the shop selling over priced clothes and having this ‘superior’ attitude because they can. Makes me cross

Move the children to a private school where the parents all care about education and make their children respect the rules and the teachers. I lived like a pauper for a few years to do it and never regretted a thing.

Diego - ah right I see - lol no I don’t think you have to ‘practice’ wearing a uniform at school as you may need to as an adult!

It's because of parents like that , that parents are increasingly being rinsed for branded school items to stop anyone trying to bend the rules. How hard is it to follow the rules like everyone else!!
It drives me mad!

And that is the thing, how many work places would send you home for wearing the wrong clothes?

I can go to work in the wrong uniform. As long as I look smart, it's fine. I was once running horribly late because everything went wrong that morning and turned up with no make-up and my hair a ponytail.

My boss said nothing until the salon was quiet and then quietly suggested I take a break and have a coffee because I didn't look well

When I explained what happened that morning she told me to have a coffee and a fag.

I'm definitely if he opinion that you make sure your child sticks to the rules, let them suffer the consequences if they don't but be sure that they know that you will be back them up if they need to stand up against something important to them such as an unfair rule. Other than that you would just be teaching them that rules don't have to be followed l, life doesn't work like that! Expectations of correct school uniform is a basic rule that they should follow.

I had to comment on this one as people stating that it’s ‘power games’ etc really gets me riled up! Schools have to have some sort of dress code, the real world does for most places of work. Does hairstyle affect learning? Maybe not directly but it’s about the culture of discipline. If we allowed children to dress any way it’s not preparing them for a world of work. Slagging of teachers doesn’t help as the teachers don’t make the rules, the governors and heads do! Uniform Itself was designed to alleviate competitive dressing as well as prepare children for uniform wearing in later life. A lot of people who get angry about these issues have a massive chip on their shoulder about schools/teaches and the underlying issue isn’t usually their child it’s their own issue!

brighteyeowl17 I take it you haven't bothered reading the thread, but have just swept in assuming that in 16 pages nobody's made your wise and insightful points, debated them, refuted them etc?

One of the reasons I rarely post on here is this exact reason, crack on :)

Yes I can read, yes I have read the post. I’m sorry I touched a nerve.