Why do parents of year 7 children do this?

[GuavaPalava]

So my DS has started secondary school this week. Prior to starting, we of course had parents evening, literature, uniform rules - it was made very clear what was acceptable and what wasn't

I was added to a 'new starters in year 7' FB group for my area a few months back and it's been used to ask the usual questions you may expect - apart from this week. It's all kicked off with the following ..

A parent in a fury as in day 1 she received a call saying her son's hair was not acceptable. Cue obligatory pic and he's got a half shaved head and tramlines

Another parent going mad as he DD had pink hair over the summer which she 'bleached out apart from the back' - she can't believe she's been told it needs to be sorted

And another moaning because she received a call about her DD wearing make up

All saying what you'd expect - it doesn't have any bearing on their ability to learn. And yeah, they're right - I get that

But why would you do this? You know the guidelines as a parent and they're very clear . AIBU to say that, knowing these rules, it's your child you immediately single out in a new school by sending him/her in with tram lines hair, pink hair and make up?

I agree OP. At my kids’ school, there is a uniform. Don’t like it? Don’t go there. I am happy for there to be no uniform at all. What I am not happy about is the idiot parents who send their kids to school in pink trainers or whatever and I have to convince my argumentative child that they really should be wearing black school shoes.

Asking what day is a valid question given most schools go back on different days this week, and our (and probably other schools) news letters are so boring nobody reads them!

Some parents just don’t listen, or think they are a ‘special case’.

DS’ school is at the end of a narrow private road. There is no car access to the site for parents at the beginning/end of the day (for obvious reasons). Parents have to park on local roads near the back entrance to the school if they have to pick up DCs. To be fair, the town has excellent public transport links.

Parents were told on numerous occasions prior to the start of the school year that they would not be able to come onto site in their cars at pickup/dropoff.

Sure enough, on the first day of term there was a queue of cars up the private road and a number of parents standing at the locked car entrance and shouting at the poor receptionist over the intercom.

It's about teaching them to respect authority which is part of their social development. And creating a recognisable identity for the school that they can be proud of. Which hopefully translates into them wanting to represent their school well and themselves too in the process. That's lost straight away if parents can't implement the rules. Such a shame.

@MeganBacon yeah that's it. You're spot on.

I think the rules on hair at most schools are really dumb.

But I also think moaning that your kid got told off for breaking clear rules is dumb.

In answer to your thread title OP, it's because most people are dumb.

I used to be a secondary teacher too and I hate these pointless uniform rules. My kids are only primary, but sometimes they go in trainers or leggings (dd has ASD and sensory issues).

I discuss with my kids the pointless rules and remind them it doesn't effect their learning.

I don't want my kids to grow up as robots that obey all rules and authority unquestioningly.

And that's fabulous @IntentsAndPorpoises - but are you saying that you couldn't care less at your children being told off/isolated/singled out because of your blatant disregard for clearly communicated rules?

And good luck at a strict secondary school with that attitude. I'm surprised at your view seeing as you were a teacher yourself

I'm actually waiting for the sad/astonished/indignant self entitled faces in my local paper because DC has been excluded for school for inappropriate hair/trainers/uniform.

Why do some people always think rules apply to everyone else?

Maybe it's because I was a teacher. Most teachers hate these stupid rules. They take up loads of time dealing with.

I don't force them to break rules. But if the choice is dd not going to school, or wearing something comfortable, then I know what I'll choose.

My ds actually hates breaking rules, but I did refuse to but new school shoes on the last 4 weeks of summer term.

My did had no problem at all going to her very strict secondary school in a thin black top & leggings/school tracksuit when she had a sensory flare up.

Because the school were fantastic & felt it was more important for a girl with asd to be in class learning than having to stay at home because the uniform made her skin crawl.

Inevitably with this subject you get the usual argument that hair/shoes etc do not affect learning and this is of course true.

However, we live in a world where rules apply and workplaces often impose dress codes. These vary wildly. Strict uniform in industries like aviation etc. Lax non existent dress codes. Full safety equipment like in the fire service. Sterile clothing in some hospital roles. The list goes on and on and covers the whole spectrum.

The point of teaching children to adhere to a school dress code is to teach them that the rules apply to them too. That we don’t live in a world where you can say ‘it’s not fair’ and get your own way. Where sometimes you have to dress the way your boss tells you.

These parents raising kids who think that the rules of any society don’t apply to them are raising entitled brats who will get a huge shock when the world doesn’t bow down to what they want. By all means fight to change rules that aren’t fair through the proper channels. But breakinb set rules and moaning that ‘it’s not fair’ with a sad face is not the way to go.

@AlexanderHamilton again, that's missing the point completely. Of COURSE a child with additional needs is to be disregarded in this instance - didn't think I had to put 'excepting those with sensory issues' as it kinda goes without saying. The school would be fully supportive of uniform tweaks in that case

Oh we’ve had the same on our local Facebook group too. Someone complaining because trainers are not allowed, then follows 70-80 posts from people slagging off the teachers and the school. I was very glad to see it had been deleted by this morning. If it bothers you that much write a letter to the governors and ask them to reconsider the rules. They never do though...just rant on FB instead.

Hair and shoes don’t effect learning. But attitudes do. These infractions are a reflection of attitude - parent’s and/ or student’s - and they do make a difference.

And yes obviously children with SN should be considered separately and individually.

This will possibly be an unpopular post

Just ignore the subject, don't engage on FB and encourage a strong and steady work ethic

The problem with very fashionable parents is unfairly or not they are associated with children who don't work hard and are not aspirational (and there is nothing wrong with being academically aspirational). Just don't engage and encourage a strong and steady work ethic

Surely it’s only a small minority of parents who do this?

Threads like this make me absolutely dread my DD going to school, I’m halfway through a social media switch off anyway so I’ve got two years at least.

I agree wholeheartedly with the OP and pre ious non-obtuse PPs, especially the one who said that some parents use their kid as a vehicle for their own rebellion by proxy.

Fucking idiots. No wonder some kids don’t stand a chance in school when they’ve been raised by the permanently outraged.

Guava - Intents stayed in her post that her Dd had asd & sensory issues hence the leggings & trainers.

My children did not go to state schools but DS attended a local football club and a local cricket club. The cricketing parents were lovely. The football parents made me squirm and in fact DS gave up football forthwith.

The football parents were a total nightmare. I cannot tell you what they were like. Swearing on the sidelines, imagining that their DS was the next David Beckham, cursing the coach, hair done per the latest thing, shaved, tattoos ... Causing no end of trouble if their kid was substituted ... The kids were 7 at the time. Ghastly.

If those kids do well, and I hope they do, it's in spite of their parents and not because of them.

Asking what day is a valid question given most schools go back on different days this week, and our (and probably other schools) news letters are so boring nobody reads them

Most newsletters and term dates are published in the schools, and the council’s website. I didn’t have a clue, having not read the newsletters, but 30 seconds later and found out the information.

Why post on facebook? It’ll take longer and will probably get 30 completely different replies and an argument ove whether there’s an inset day

Pretend I overheard all this or someone told me. You're either deliberately being obtuse or you're just missing the point

😂 Touché!!

God, some people just love to miss the point and instead fixate on something utterly random.