Why do parents of year 7 children do this?

[GuavaPalava]

So my DS has started secondary school this week. Prior to starting, we of course had parents evening, literature, uniform rules - it was made very clear what was acceptable and what wasn't

I was added to a 'new starters in year 7' FB group for my area a few months back and it's been used to ask the usual questions you may expect - apart from this week. It's all kicked off with the following ..

A parent in a fury as in day 1 she received a call saying her son's hair was not acceptable. Cue obligatory pic and he's got a half shaved head and tramlines

Another parent going mad as he DD had pink hair over the summer which she 'bleached out apart from the back' - she can't believe she's been told it needs to be sorted

And another moaning because she received a call about her DD wearing make up

All saying what you'd expect - it doesn't have any bearing on their ability to learn. And yeah, they're right - I get that

But why would you do this? You know the guidelines as a parent and they're very clear . AIBU to say that, knowing these rules, it's your child you immediately single out in a new school by sending him/her in with tram lines hair, pink hair and make up?

Neem
I agree and I bet a reasonable number of the whiners and bitches will be the ones who'll claim that following the rules over defiance (Whilst raising your issues privately and politely) is teaching children to blindly follow authority and never question anything. The reality is that nobody says you shouldn't challenge or raise issues. We simply think behaving like a reasonable adult is better than acting like an overgrown stroppy teenager because the teacher said leggings aren't school trousers.

@XingMing - I stand by that, I dicked around at school and ended up with a good job, so for me it wasn't that important.

I’m not a fan of arbitrary rules that have very little basis in logic. I’d let my child pretty much present themselves however they wanted to. They would, however, have to deal with the consequences of their decisions. That’s a lesson in itself as far as I’m concerned.

Because their parents are idiots and setting their children up to get in trouble and rebel instead of focussing on what they’re actually there to do. Pathetic behaviour. Never saw crap like this at my school. The most rebellion we had was the fashion for longer skirts and the big baggy M&S grey cardigans.

I know the rules are quite strict these days and some are quite ridiculous, eg I did get away with Black drain pipe jeans at school, but tramline shaved heads and coloured hair, that’s what people did in sixth form and yes it’s good to experiment, but not for secondary school children and tbh I imagine it’s the parents pushing the child to have such ridiculous ideas at such a young age.

not for secondary school children and tbh I imagine it’s the parents pushing the child to have such ridiculous ideas at such a young age. @MumsTheWordYouKnow - what age are your kids?

I got told off for having one very thin plait in my hair with a single clear bead on the end. Just a leftover from holiday. Grandparents didn't think it constitutes an unnatural or extreme hairstyle.

but tramline shaved heads and coloured hair, that’s what people did in sixth form and yes it’s good to experiment, but not for secondary school children and tbh I imagine it’s the parents pushing the child to have such ridiculous ideas at such a young age.

You can't be serious! It's perfectly normal for teens to want to dye their hair wacky colours etc in secondary school.

We were totally allowed to have Mohawks, pink hair and express ourselves with ripped jeans or anything we wanted to wear etc at my (NZ) high school.

I get that they are breaking the rules and can expect to be told off but I don't understand the reason on hairstyles for the rules in the first place.

Why should your hairstyle affect your learning? I don't like the idea of forcing kids to conform to some arbitrary style rules and feel, they should be free to express themselves. The important thing is that we are raising educated, kind and free thinking young adults.

Oops, the poor grammar is not an indication of the lax educational standards at my school! There's no damn edit button.

Hiphopfrog
I wouldn't worry. Anyone who resorts to sneering or mocking typos or errors on threads rather than debating the issues is usually an arse.

Sorry, but I think in secondary school children need rules and not to be distracted by who has the coolest hairstyle and being given free reign to believe their mini grown ups, not till 16.

they’re not their

Sorry, but I think in secondary school children need rules and not to be distracted by who has the coolest hairstyle and being given free reign to believe their mini grown ups, not till 16.

You actually said that you thought the parents were giving secondary school age children the ideas to get certain hair colours or hair styles, because at that age they couldn't possibly have those ideas themselves

Justnoclue how on earth do you think young people in countries without school uniforms manage to cope with jobs in the uniformed services, or with dress codes?

Perfectly well, is the answer.

The "preparing for the world of work" argument for strict school uniform falks apart totally when you look at Germany, where there is no school uniform in state schools, nor in most private schools, yet the police, army etc wear uniforms without problems and office dress codes tend to be more conservative than in the UK.

The only arguments in favour of school uniform with any shred of credibility are the "nobody stands out" arguments, but even that is weak as anyone who genuinely remembers secondary school will remember that everyone knows who is "poor" and children always find ways to express disposable income, fashion and tribe or lack thereof through accessories.

Uniforms cause the massive "mufti day" problems. Where children have never worn uniform they just pull on jeans and t shirt and get on with it.

Ex UK secondary school teacher with 3 kids including a teen girl at non uniform schools.

Yes, if there are uniform rules parents should provide correct uniform, and children should rebel though. Parents have had their rebellion over uniform and should nominally play the game of enforcement, being a parent not a friend. Parents need to explain that it is indeed a game, but that the point is not to go over the line and to keep transgressions just under the point that will get them into trouble (most children work this out for themselves). That, of course, is the only real way not to stand out. Perfect uniform rule adherence is a marker to other children just as much as team lines or trainers.

not to be distracted by who has the coolest hairstyle explain how that distraction/conversation would cause more than a 2 min distraction - any more than the latest pencil case/phone/gossip etc...?

As a teacher I find some parents just don't think their darlings should follow rules.

It is possible to believe in following rules and not like strict uniforms. The two are not mutually exclusive.

It is possible to believe in following rules and not like strict uniforms. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Yep, I will 100% follow the rules for my dc when they start school. But I still think some of the stricter uniform policies in schools are arbitrary, unnecessary, “DM wank fodder”. Such a waste of time for teachers who probably want to spend their time doing something other than policing whether Harry has his top button done up or if Milly has the right shade of navy tights, or whatever.

It is possible to believe in following rules and not like strict uniforms. The two are not mutually exclusive.
I agree. I couldn't care less about uniform or non uniform or what type of uniform as long as the policy is followed.

I'm personally not a fan of very prescriptive uniforms but near me they have only been introduced in schools where there's a longs standing behaviour issues and parents who'll deliberately argue whether their black trainers are actually trainers, are these leggings technically leggings etc.i see setting the standard and the clear not negotiable rules (SEND aside) as a means to an end.

I tend to find that the ones who care so much about pushing uniform and getting wound up with hyperbole are also the ones who refuse simple instructions, think sanctions shouldn't apply to their child and probably are the ones who are always fuming about school expecting their child to do anything other than be super uber expressive do what they like and then argue and disrupt when challenged

I agree Yolanda but I also think a few teachers, quite like having something to pick certain kids up on. I overheard a Year 1 child being spoken to firmly about wearing ankle boots, rather than shoes...I mean why would you speak to a 5 year old about their shoes - why wasn't that a conversation to be had with the parent?

It would be interesting to see if there was any correlation between rebellion against uniform and exam results?

Maisypops I am nodding vigorously at every one of your posts. As a working parent, with a home to run and a time consuming hobby I Iiterally don't have the time to challenge school rules in this way, or get involved in the social media hyperbole.

I simply buy the correct uniform for my DCs safe in the knowledge that I can then forget about it and move on to the much more important things in my busy life.

I think I know what you mean signal. I wonder if having strict uniform policies just create a battle ground between pupils and teachers. With teachers stressing over every, little detail, children feeling picked on and bullied by the people (teachers) who are supposed to be on their side at school. They then rebel against the teachers and the policies. If we removed the stricter policies, there would be nothing to rebel against. Just a theory.

Yup. The stricter the uniform policy, the worse the school. The ones that hit the headlines are always failing schools that have fallen for the bullshit that what fixes problems like underfunding, poor facilities, low morale and struggling, skint families is to bring in a new Head who's an officious, ego-tripping wanker and impose a whole lot of bullshit rules that cost struggling parents a fortune.

DS' school had to back down a bit and behave themselves last year. They 'rebranded' , which meant an entire new uniform for every student... only the single uniform supply shop we all had to go to couldn't fucking cope and there were kids having to attend in supermarket trousers because there was nothing available in their size for a fortnight after term had started.
And the new uniform is really grim. Horrible clashing colours, not hardwearing, cheap and nasty fabric...