Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum is selfish or am I asking for to much

389 replies

maybebabyx · 06/09/2018 18:01

Just had dd we can't go home now as she has jaundice. I ended up having a c-section aswell I thought she would only need to have DS for a maximum of two nights but shit happens.

She's being really funny about having him complaining she's tired and can't get anything done but then she doesn't put him down until 10 and we normally put him down at 8. We did a big food shop made our house comfy for her but it's not good enough. OH mentioned food in the freezer "I don't want any of that" he's just had to take her kfc to keep her quiet.

AIBU thinking that if your daughter is in hospital and your not working anymore the least you can do is help out?

I do so much for her and then when I need some help it's got to be on her terms!

OP posts:
Cloudyblueskies · 06/09/2018 20:23

Yeah she is being childish. I just don’t get mother’s who can’t be arsed being there when it really matters.

Hope your ok op and congratulations Flowers

Lemons1571 · 06/09/2018 20:28

My mother created drama when I had my first. She offered to clean my house so it was nice when I arrived home after a c section. I was very grateful for this. Then, on my arrival, she immediately had a tantrum that my in laws hadn’t thought to offer to clean also (they didn’t even know she was going to clean I don’t think). Then she disappeared for days. It would’ve been easier to not have any help at all, but she could never understand that.

AntiHop · 06/09/2018 20:29

Yanbu.

You need your husband. Your mum is capable of helping out. She's being selfish.

Stillme1 · 06/09/2018 20:31

If OP is on a ward she must be doing well. If a C Section mum is not doing very well they go to ICU and baby goes into lodging at the Special Care Nursery. IME the babies in such a case are fine hence the lodging rather than being admitted and it is the new Mum who is doing less well and is too ill to have baby beside her on the ward.

ana18 · 06/09/2018 20:32

I think if u need help hire childcare or ask your darling husband!

Many woman don't Have either luxury for support.

I understand how you feel but when I've managed it on my own and completely alone I know it's possible .

ana18 · 06/09/2018 20:33

Grand parents aren't free child care

MadMum101 · 06/09/2018 20:35

From the sounds of it, the DH must be going home. He took the GM a KFC!

I find it hard to believe he's in the hospital overnight unless the OP is in a private one? She's alone with DS during the day?

Sounds like the GM has had to come to stay and wants to go home? Perhaps lives too far to come over daily?

YANBU OP. She sounds horrible, trying to make you feel bad when you've just had a difficult birth (assumed from the CS) and recovering from a major op. She won't be looking after your DS indefinitely Hmm. What the hell are mothers for if not for this? Assuming again that she's not looking after your DS every 5 minutes in normal circumstances which it doesn't sound like it.

I say YANBU even though DH went home with DD 6 hours after I had a CS for twins. They were in incubators (low temps) either side of my bed and would cry in stereo but I really struggled to get hold of them what with having a catheter in overnight. Kept on buzzing for help (in my own room not on ward) and was ignored for long periods with just the auxiliary coming in occasionally whilst making it clear that she had other things to doAngry. I still can't believe I didn't drop them while trying to pull them out of the incubator leaning over the side of the bed Shock. Makes my blood boil now 16 years later. DH then came in whole DD was at school and with her after dinner. Went home on Day 4.

Just because I had an awful experience though I don't think anyone else should!

Snowcatrunsthehouse · 06/09/2018 20:35

Time for your DH to go home and look after his child. You do not need him In Hospital with you 24/7. You can cope as many have before and will continue to do. 60 year old looking after a 1 year old yep she will struggle.
Be positive if your DH go’s home he can come in fresh in the morning with supplies for you. Honestly it was easier when maternity units just sent the dads home.

tictac86 · 06/09/2018 20:41

Your poor dm, she has done her bit and your lucky that she did. My dm would have done the same and im lilucky but my dh would be sent to let my mum rest and get on with what she needs to. Intitled much

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 06/09/2018 20:43

Seriously? After I had my twins I was in hospital by myself with them for 2 weeks by myself, waking to express and tube feed them every 2.5 hours.

DH had a cold and was banned from visiting so I coped without him with 2 babies!

I'm sure you can manage.

Mulberry72 · 06/09/2018 20:44

I agree with PP’s.

Time for DH to go home and take care of your son.

shirleyschmidt · 06/09/2018 20:50

I was going to agree that your Mum is being a bit harsh and should step up but actually I think it's your OH's turn now. Your mum is 60 and caring for a toddler is full on. You don't need him there 24/7 and she needs a break.

ItsColdNow · 06/09/2018 20:53

Why on earth isn’t your husband home with your son? You are perfectly capable of managing your baby and have midwives if you need them. I just had a baby and my husband was there for the birth then went straight back to relieve his mum and look after our children. Sorry but I think you are being very unreasonable.
Enjoy your baby, you’ll all be home together soon.

Fireworks91 · 06/09/2018 20:53

Fuck me, unless there are health issues 60 isn't old.

MadMum101 · 06/09/2018 20:58

The OP's mother will have all the break she needs when she's home with her baby safe and well in a few more days surely Hmm. This is one child she's looking after not a horde of them!

Honestly a caring mother would have happily made themselves available to help out for the first few weeks after their child gave birth especially when they know what it's like themselves, let alone a few days?

mum11970 · 06/09/2018 20:58

Unfortunately needs must and your dh should be at home looking after your older child, that’s what you sign up for when you decide to have more than one child

Justmuddlingalong · 06/09/2018 21:01

And a caring father would not shirk his responsibilities to his older child. Does he see childcare as a woman's job?

Ovaltine1 · 06/09/2018 21:02

yup. You are asking for too much. Maybe it is too much for your mum to handle a toddler. Just send your OP home, and send our mum back to hers.

Lemons1571 · 06/09/2018 21:03

I imagine the DH is run ragged between hospital and home. Doubt he has much time to sit around relaxing while purposely leaving the women’s work to the wife and MIL.

senmumoftom · 06/09/2018 21:05

I do think she is being thoughtless and she should prioritise YOU and your family.

60 is no age, she is hardly an " old dear ". We have 8 grandchildren and look after all of them regularly.................we had a 1 and 2 year old for a week when their parents went on honeymoon. We stayed at their place to make it easier for the little ones. It was tiring but its not like it was for life.

You aren't making an unreasonable request and shes making a bit of a drama about there being no food in the house. .

Its like you say, " shit happens ". I think shes being quite selfish and shouldn't be thinking about herself, should be more concerned about you particularly after the C section.

MyDcAreMarvel · 06/09/2018 21:06

sorryihaventacluetoo

Yes the midwives did all that for me
Please tell the name of the hospital so I can have any future births there. It’s really not the norm.

Bluecloudyskies · 06/09/2018 21:06

It’s only ever one MN I see other women telling other women they should’nt rely family or parental help.

When my girls need myself and their father - they won’t have to ask twice

Crunchymum · 06/09/2018 21:13

Your mum agreed to have the older child whilst you went in to have the other baby. Not indefinitely?

Would you have expected her to stay to look after DC1 if you had been discharged but still recovering from the csect?

Look, we had MIL look after our older 2 when I went in for a planned induction. We went in 7pm on the Tues and had baby at 1am on the Thursday. Baby then ended up in neonatal.

MIL was happy to help but it got to a point where we felt one of us should be with kids. DP left me on the Thursday evening. Completely different scenario but maybe it's time for your DP to take over at home?

Sparkletastic · 06/09/2018 21:15

Yeah your DP needs to get home and look after your eldest now.

elliejjtiny · 06/09/2018 21:16

Yanbu wanting your dh with you but neither is your mum. My in-laws looked after my dc for an evening and a night when I had my youngest by emcs. Dh went home when I came out of theatre and went to hdu (about 3am). In-laws took older dc to school and dropped younger dc home. So I was in hdu on my own and baby in nicu. It was awful and I have ptsd still 4 years later. I wouldn't want any of my dc to go through that.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.