To think my mum is selfish or am I asking for to much

[maybebabyx]

Just had dd we can't go home now as she has jaundice. I ended up having a c-section aswell I thought she would only need to have DS for a maximum of two nights but shit happens.

She's being really funny about having him complaining she's tired and can't get anything done but then she doesn't put him down until 10 and we normally put him down at 8. We did a big food shop made our house comfy for her but it's not good enough. OH mentioned food in the freezer "I don't want any of that" he's just had to take her kfc to keep her quiet.

AIBU thinking that if your daughter is in hospital and your not working anymore the least you can do is help out?

I do so much for her and then when I need some help it's got to be on her terms!

Sorry but I agree that your dh needs to go home and look after your son now. Your mum has had him for long enough. As much as you would like your dh to keep you company in hospital you have a child at home so it’s not possible.
I can assure you that it is not usual for dads to hang about the hospital for days leaving someone else to look after their dc.
Send him home.

Congratulations Op. I really don’t want to sound harsh. You have just had a baby.

I had a CS and I know you can’t move straight away but the MW are helpful and will get the baby for you.

Your DH needs to go home and look after you DS for two reasons.

1. your mum has done her bit. 60 isn’t old but she’s not used to looking after a 1/2 year old 24/7. Honestly she doesn’t have to stay indefinitely. It’s unfair to expect her to.
2. surely your DS will be missing his parents and wondering what’s happening. You DH going home gives your DS some consistency.

I hope you have a quick recovery.

Time for your husband to go home and look after his son.

You don’t need him all day/night at the hospital.

I would have loved dh at hospital with me post section but we had other children to put first.

It’s a couple of days, not going to kill her. Sounds like there is background here as well as you said it’s always on her terms. What do you do for her?

I agree with most of the others. Your DH needs to look after your child, it's not your DMs job and she has been good to have him 2 nights but is probably tired out now. Congratulations on your new baby

Well two full days and nights with someone elses toddler is probablt enough for her! On to her third nighr she probably is thinking she can’t do much longer. My mum is 60 and very active and young looking but anyone would be exhausted after a few days with someone elses toddler! She has helped you massively tbf

It’s a couple of days, not going to kill her. Sounds like there is background here as well as you said it’s always on her terms.

^This.

Congratulations on new baby
It's time for you DH to take over and let your mum go home. She sounds tired

Can your PIL help out and watch your son for a few hours tomorrow so your DH could nip back in to hospital for a few hours? Or any other family? I would have helped my SIL's if they needed me.

YANBU but your DH is. There is no reason from your post that he has to be with you 24 7. He needs to go home, be a parent to DS and get the house nice and clean and meals prepared for when you come home. Much more helpful than being at the hospital the whole time. Congratulations

Before we all pile in to tell the OP her dh should be at home, it might be worth considering

a) that the baby is ill
b) that the OP is struggling to get out of bed and care for the baby
c) that due to hospital cuts assistance on the ward may not be what it used to

I was quite ill after my C-section and if ds had relied on me for his first days he would no doubt have starved, but in those days you got far more help from the staff.

And I'd send her to the bottom of the visitation queue

Wow what a cruel thing to do to someone who has given up most of their week to care for a toddler. Even for a person in their
twenties having a toddler for that length of time with no other adult help is tough, especially if he has not slept through. My children would have struggled to be without me for that length of time and having daddy there would have comforted him. Perhaps your mum is being unreasonable having a moan when really she should just accept it's gonna be hard but we dont know the full circumstances

For example: has your DH got form for shirking? Are there other family members who could help but aren't ? Has DH been going home at all? Is DH sleeping at home but still expecting your mum to do any night waking?

She may feel aggrieved for a reason or she may BU. It depends on the detail of the situation.

Either way it will all be over soon and you will.be home with your family. Congratulations on your new baby.

I think your mums being a complete arse sorry OP.You obviously cannot rely on her when you need her most,This is all you need added stress at this time but do your other child a massive favour and send dad home..he will still need routine and parenting properly and will be missing mummy and daddy so much that he just won;t understand what has happened poor lamb...he must be so confused wondering where mummy and daddy is...send hubby home his priorities lie elsewhere,,then tell your mother to get herself off home too ..

I’m sorry, but I think your dh needs to go home and look after your DS. It’s shit, and I know you’re in pain, but he doesn’t have to be there. My dh stayed for 3 hours once we made it back to the ward after my cs (partners weren’t allowed to stay) then it was just me and my DTs.

Congrats on your new baby!

c) that due to hospital cuts assistance on the ward may not be what it used to

There have been hospital cuts, but there's still a staffing minimum that the wards must adhere to. We haven't quite reached the stage where family have to live in the hospital 24/7 to care for patients yet. The midwives will have a clear care plan and protocol in place to help the op with her needs. Having extra people hanging around in a ward is way more of an obstruction than a help.

The Dh has to go home and look after his son. It's the choice of a couple to have children a couple of years apart. My DH got my DS looked after for 4 hours when I had DD and went straight from the hospital to pick him up.

Blimey I would have sent DH home ages ago, DS needs him.
Your mum has done enough.

I think you're being very unfair expecting her to look after your toddler so your OH can stay with you in hospital. He needs to arrange childcare (childminder/emergency nanny/paid babysitter) or be at home looking after his older son. The staff on the ward will help you care for your newborn if you explain your OH needs to be home with another child. How do you think single mums manage in hospital (or those whose partners are overseas)?

It sounds like you have a relationship where she needs to just suck it up and stop being selfish. YANBU.

It's not nice for the other mums on the ward to have someone else's partner there constantly, surely?

Assuming no problems if the csection was Tuesday will you not be going home tomorrow anyway? I know 3 ladies who have had their dc by csec (emergency and planned) in the last couple years, 2 were kept in 3 nights as was their first and the other had a planned section for dc 2 and 3 and was home within 24 hours. I agree with others though, your dh should be doing more at home with your elder child.

Sorry but dh should be doing that. I had a second section with my third child and my dh came for a bit in the dayrome and that was it. He took the kids to childcare, picked them up and put them to bed. Having a section isn’t a reason to have him there all night. If you are struggling to get up ring the nurse.

@maybebabyx your DH should be taking care of your son. It's not unreasonable to ask your mum to watch him for a couple hours so your DH can visit but 24/7 is now off. DH can go home and do it.

What do you for her, OP? I would start re-considering how much you help you give her and do less for her (if, as you say, the balance is very unequal in her favour).

Bloody hell, slight derail of thread but where are all these hospitals with staff that help you? When I was in with DS3 (3rd section) it was hell. While I was having a catheter put in DH texted to say he and in laws were just entering the ward. The nurse basically said if they arrived and looked through the curtain that was just tough, bad luck then giggled.

And 24 hours post c section the nurse mad me get up out of bed and lift my case on to the bed to move bays (the porter apparently would refuse to do this because of health and safety).

Not to mention the piece of wire I found in the custard.

I really hope your hospital is better than mine op. My DH couldn’t help me as was looking after the older kids and yes we all survived, but my god it was hard (dare I say harder than looking after one toddler for 2 days at 60).

If you’re really struggling use the buzzer to ask the midwives for help, that’s what it’s there for. When I had my c section I lost 2.5 litres of blood and had two transfusions and I was extremely unwell for the first few days, I ended up staying in for a week.

At first I couldn’t even get up off the bed so after the initial day where dh stayed all day with me in the recovery room I was then put on the ward and used the buzzer to get the midwives to come and help with ds (changing if needed, lifting him out and in the cot etc) which they did when visiting hours were over.

We lived 25 miles away from the hospital so there’s no way dh could stay all the time with dd then aged 5 at school too!