To think my mum is selfish or am I asking for to much

[maybebabyx]

Just had dd we can't go home now as she has jaundice. I ended up having a c-section aswell I thought she would only need to have DS for a maximum of two nights but shit happens.

She's being really funny about having him complaining she's tired and can't get anything done but then she doesn't put him down until 10 and we normally put him down at 8. We did a big food shop made our house comfy for her but it's not good enough. OH mentioned food in the freezer "I don't want any of that" he's just had to take her kfc to keep her quiet.

AIBU thinking that if your daughter is in hospital and your not working anymore the least you can do is help out?

I do so much for her and then when I need some help it's got to be on her terms!

also agree your mum needs a break now. could she just have him for a few hours a day while your oh visits you and baby.

Is OH with you 24/7, or is he going home to visit DS and give your mum a break for a couple of hours? Could he go and make sure DS is in bed at 8, as per his routine?
Fwiw, if my DD was in hospital I would like to think I would look after her DC for however long I was needed. But I can see that I might be exhausted looking after a 1 year old!

Your husband needs to go home and look after the baby for at least part of the day/night.

Just seen your update, that's a long time for your mum to have a toddler!

I Can understand you struggling after a section but surely that is also what the ward midwives are for if you're struggling and dh isn't there?

Do you know how long you may be in?

I agree with others its probably quite exhausting for you Mum to be looking after your son. Your DH should be taking over now as you don't both have to be at the hospital.

If you had a straight forward vaginal birth, I'd say yabu. But you had major abdominal surgery, so yanbu. I had key hole abdominal surgery and it hurt like f**k.
She's one of those people who say they want to help, not expecting anyone to actually demand the help! I bet she will be a martyr to anyone who'll listen about what an amazing favour she did for you.

60 isn't old!

I had a c section at 11am and my husband went home to care for DS at 9pm that night. The midwives helped me that first night, I just buzzed them if I needed anything. By the second night I was able to walk (very very slowly) around and do most things for myself. I'm amazed they haven't got you up and about tbh, it's the key to a successful recovery.

Congratulations OP! YANBU - she's your mum and must have an idea of what you're going though at the moment. I also had a c-section and remember the pain of trying to lift baby in and out of the hospital cot to feed etc, so I got that it's handy to have your other half around. Because it's so common, people forget that a c-section is a big deal, you're stomach is sliced open and you're in pain and limited with what you can do.

I don't think there's anything you can do but send your DH home to care for your son and try and ride it out.

I would remember her treatment and attitude though as yes she may be tired and caring for a young child can be a lot - but she's your mum and that's her grandchild and this is a time when you need her most!

And I'd send her to the bottom of the visitation queue lol.

The thing is, yes you need help. But she is 60 and your child is almost. Almost 2 years olds are exhausting for parents, never mind grandparents.

Your OH needs to go and give her a break. Yes, are struggling a bit. But so is she!

I meant struggling a bit with night feeds.

Obviously it's massive surgery and you would be struggling.

Send DH home, and get your mum to stay with you in hospital. They can swap over when DS is in bed asleep.

Perhaps she's feeling a bit left out?

If your DM wants a rest then she should have one, it’s probably easier for you to get up and feed your baby than it is for your DM to look after a toddler. No reason why your DH can’t share the care. One of my DGC was in scbu and her mother was recovering from major surgery due to complications and no one was with either of them all of the time.

Where is your DH day and night?

Ask staff to help you. Send him home. You can't expect to leave her alone with a young child for days and have an adult with you 24/7 to help with the new baby.

I agree, your DH needs to go home and relieve your mum. 60 is not old but she has obviously had enough of being what sounds like a full time child carer for now.

I looked after my 2yo neice for half a day. I've not done it for a very long time and to be honest, I was knackered and I've only just turned 41!

You don't realise when you're looking after your own, but you constantly need to be 'on' as they need so much attention.

Maybe DH should take over now and the nurses can help you at feeding times.

You can get OH to lay out everything you'll need for the night on your bed table, so you don't have to get up

Oh for heaven's sake!

She's 60, not 90!

Unless there are health issues it wouldn't kill her to carry on helping.

I manage to cope with my DGC and I'm older than her

Have the people saying nurses and midwives will help actually had a baby recently? They don’t have time to help!
Your Mum is being selfish she isn’t even a pensioner.

I don’t think she’s selfish, but you would be to punish her for wanting a break. Perhaps you are being selfish wanting your DH to help you so much without thinking of your DM?

Truthfully OP your husband needs to go home with your son - it is a lot to ask your Mum and I cant see why you need him (certainly overnight) all the time - he should certainly be going between both

And a not quite two year old by yourself so that amount of time is hard - of course she doesnt get time to herself

I had a baby 12 weeks ago @MyDcAreMarvel

Often looking after a young child who is away from their parents, can be harder than looking after a child that is seeing their parents a lot. Your child will be more demanding at the moment because both you and his dad are not there.
I would ask your DM to continue to help, but have your DP look after his son alone for a decent chunk of the day to give her a break.

You might want your DP with you, but he needs to be spending more time with your toddler.

Your mum and some of her her mates are on your thread op!
Ffs give her a break! She’s just had a baby by c section. Maybe she assumed (as most would) that families chip in. She had baby on Tuesday and it’s only Thursday! And no, they don’t need to be at the hospital but perhaps they want to be? And assumed that mum would be happy to help out?!
Learn your lesson op, like I said on another thread, only do for others what they do for you. It makes it easier and means you don’t feel so let down.