To think my mum is selfish or am I asking for to much

[maybebabyx]

Just had dd we can't go home now as she has jaundice. I ended up having a c-section aswell I thought she would only need to have DS for a maximum of two nights but shit happens.

She's being really funny about having him complaining she's tired and can't get anything done but then she doesn't put him down until 10 and we normally put him down at 8. We did a big food shop made our house comfy for her but it's not good enough. OH mentioned food in the freezer "I don't want any of that" he's just had to take her kfc to keep her quiet.

AIBU thinking that if your daughter is in hospital and your not working anymore the least you can do is help out?

I do so much for her and then when I need some help it's got to be on her terms!

If you do have husband or boyfriend- they should really be looking after their own child.

Really surprised with the responses here. Your mother is hardly geriatric and sounds like she’s being a massive pain. She has to be delivered takeaway, she can’t cope after a day longer than expected! C’mon! You’re recovering from birth and surgery. Of course it’s reasonable that you want your oh with you.

Maybe he can offer some respite to your mother or they can switch places.

In my family this would be a non issue and I would absolutely hope that I would do this for my daughter or son in the future!

I’d be disappointed too OP, although I do agree that it’s a lot for your mum. Especially if she’s never looked after your DS before!

I had a cs for DD when DS was 2. My parents both came to look after him and were wonderful. DH did stay with me a lot as i was in a private room, but he went home every night for toddlers bedtime and also did a couple of stints with DS when my parents visited me. DS also had a morning at nursery so my parents got a break then.

Hopefully your mum can help you out going forward for the odd hour or so. Take your older one to the park or watch the baby while the older one is napping . But clearly full on childcare for a whole day is too much for her. I wouldn’t burn your bridges with her as a toddler and newborn is exhausting and you’re going to appreciate all the help you can get once your DH is back at work

Congratulations OP and I hope you're feeling OK. I really think your Mum and OH should be sorting this out between them without you having to worry about it right now. Could you ask your OH to manage it without you having to think too much about what's going on? It's horrible having to stress about and try and organise stuff when you're recovering. Good luck x

Oh she is absolutely beautiful 👶

I do so much for her and then when I need some help it's got to be on her terms!

Stop doing so much for her. She's made clear that she won't reciprocate.

So glad things are better now.

I actually feel pretty sorry for your ds. I think your OH should have stayed at home a bit with him to reassure him that he is still loved after the birth of his sister.

I’m guessing if your Mum is only 60 she mus5 be in full time employment, therefore taking holiday to look after your DS ?

Stop doing so much for her. She's made clear that she won't reciprocate.

But she has reciprocated.
Not reciprocating would involve OP having the C-Section alone and him not being able to be with OP at all as there is no one to have their son.

The OP has said her DH has been collecting her mum and DS and bringing them up to the hospital to visit.

The OP has also said her mum recently left her job and is not currently employed.

She has reciprocated to a certain extent. Complaining about the food in the OP's fridge when her daughter is having a C-section.

So from now on the OP should help her - to a certain extent.

to you OP.

I had a miscarriage 18 months ago, my in laws wouldn’t even come over for a couple of hours in the evening while our DS1 was asleep so my DH could take me to hospital. I lost a significant amount of blood and had retained products etc so couldn’t drive myself. In my MIL’s words “well Cadbury will just need to deal with it”. They now complain that they don’t see DS1 enough even though they can see him whenever they want.

You can’t win with some people.

I'm surprised your DM is causing such a noise but equally your DP could probably spend less time at the hospital with you and more one with your other child. Give your mum a bit of a break.
I feel your pain but the nurses will help you. I felt like o barely saw my DH when I had our second- he was busy juggling work and our 2 year old (on her birthday). I was also in hospital recovering from a section with a baby with jaundice. It's not fun and I cried because I missed my DH and DD but I do also see your DM side. Young children are exhausting especially if it's all day.
Hope you get out of hospital soon.

DH really needs to go home to look after DS. I've been there, EMCS (I was quite ill myself and had been in kidney failure) with DD in Intensive care. I had to walk up and down to the milk kitchen for expressing and to another part of the hospital for NICU. The NICU nurses did tube feed my baby when I wasn't there, but I was still up and down all night to express milk for her. The more that you move around, the easier it becomes so you're not doing yourself any favours and risking a DVT. It does bloody well hurt, but I can assure you, you're going to need all the help you can get when you're back home with baby. Don't burn Bridges with DM as when DP has used all his paternity leave you're going to be stuck.

your mother is hardly geriatric

You have no idea about this woman and what she can cope with. The OP needs to find her big girl pants and send DH home to care for his DC.

Of course your mum is being unreasonable, but as they get a bit older some people do seem to become selfish. Don’t take it personally thank her and get your OH to take over as soon as possible. It’s not worth falling out over.

as they get a bit older, some people......

Christ on a bike, how bloody pompous are you?

@MumsTheWordYouKnow

As a mum of two and a grannie of four I can tell you it is exhausting. Could your mother not have your son at her own home ....I find it much easier when I am in my own space, I know where everything is, where to go out, have friends around me, own food bed etc....
Why does your husband need to be at the hospital full time surely the nurses will pass the baby to you ...
How are you planning to cope when you get home with two children under two ... Are you expecting your mum to be there then as well ...
I wish you all the best but I would try and give your mum a bit of a break before you come home if you want any help a bit later.

*As a mum of two and a grannie of four I can tell you it is exhausting.

How are you planning to cope when you get home with two children under two ... Are you expecting your mum to be there then as well ...*

Hmmm so you cant cope because you are a granny but you expect her to just get on with it after major abdominal surgery.

The double standards on this thread are quite something. Elderly and out of touch gets a free pass, but surgery plus a baby ill with jaundice is no excuse.

I had my DP with me because the nurses were over run. I was off my face on morphine and needed an advocate. You press your button for the nurses to come and they’d saunter past half an hour later. I had no feeling from the chest down so I needed help positioning baby for BFing. Its not just as easy as some of you make out, whilst expecting everyone else to just magically understand that it’s not easy for older people either. Some give and take when your daughter and grandchild are sick in hospital would be nice.

It's no excuse because the OP and her DH were the only ones who chose to have another baby and so made the decision to split their attention.

Ah ok. Did they chose a csection and jaundice then so should just lump it?

If Granny is struggling, for whatever reason, she’s struggling.

@Mymycherrypie

What’s wrong, you sound so angry. Has this post touched a nerve?

The op isn’t coping that well but neither is the gm by the sound of it. I don’t really think either of them are wrong for that tbh it’s just how we deal with things differently.

I’d much rather know my son was with my DH in this situation. I’d worry about him otherwise, see we’re just different and I think that’s ok.

I'm younger than your mum and have a slightly younger DGS and find him exhausting. I normally sleep for 7 hours but when he's here can easily manage 10, he's a good sleeper and will ask to go to bed when he's tired.

I would help as much as I could in your situation but would expect my son to give me time off too.

Don't be too hard on her

Of course it’s touched a nerve. It’s really heartless to make assumptions that this new mum, having just had surgery and a baby who isn’t well “won’t be able to cope when she’s gets home, will she want her mum there all the time” whilst also admitting that it’s exhausting. It’s not what she needs to hear when she needs support. Who knows how she will cope, let’s not have a go at the woman for not coping before she’s even got home yet.

It’s such a negative attitude - saying how hard and exhausting something is and how can GM be expected to do it, while at the same time deriding someone who is also expected to do it, alone AND with added pressures like healing AND telling them they are unreasonable for asking for help.