DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

[Brighton5555]

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

Amy1996
Sorry, but you are clueless.
I worked in this field.
Someone has already explained to you that Magistrates and police will use their discretion in such cases. If the images he was in possession of were given with consent within the context of a relationship between peers, they would, in all likelihood, have given a lesser sentence with conditions attached.
However, he is on the register for seven years with weekly reporting to his PO. Cat A images of bestiality were also discovered.
This quite clearly points to the fact that this young man is considered to be a high risk.
As the parent of a 16 year old, Brighton 5555 has sensibly (and anonymously) asked what steps she should take to ensure the safety of her daughter.
If you could get down off your soap box for a minute, you might stop to consider what it feels like to be in her position.
You seem to be claiming that people are randomly and unfairly put upon the SO Register. Prior to sentencing the months will have entailed thorough investigation, interviews, pre-sentence reports etc.
These decisions are taken by experts within the field of probation, police and the judicial system and only after extensive investigation and risk assessment.
They will be looking for indicators that this person poses a risk to the public. That was clearly the case in this instance.
It's highly improbable that the young man has told the truth to this young woman.
Brighton is doing exactly what most of us would do, taking pre-emptive steps on behalf of her daughter (who is not yet an adult) to ensure the risk of harm is minimised.
I'm surprised you have an issue with that.

I know from my brother's mate who analyses didgital evidence for the police that young girls are often all too keen to send nude pics - he sees it all then time in his job.

The question here is whether he was just an 18yo teenager with a 17yo girlfriend who happened to have some bad taste 'joke' images on his phone or whether that is something worse.

I remember joining the group WhatsApp thread at a temporary job I had, and I had to leave as some of the stuff being sent was disgusting - porn involving faeces, gore/accidents etc. Sadly, I can well believe young lads would find somebody fucking a rooster funny out of shock value, for example.

Didn't generalise, I said "in many cases" which obviously means that in other cases it isn't so.

Only because its normalised? Well I suppose it is, but that doesn't mean that young people don't willingly do it, and for reasons of their own gratification.

Its naive to think otherwise.

""on the sexual offender list for having photos of a 'minor' who is over the age of consent so he's allowed to have sex with her but when SHE sends him pictures he's a sex offender""

You go onto the sex offenders register if you keep them and the sentence goes up if you show someone else the pictures, or send them to anyone else.

This has been all over the News the last few years and covered in Eastenders (Jay is on the SOR because of this) and it was covered in Hollyoaks. I've also seen stuff at it, around my youngest DD's collage, in sexual health clinics etc.

""I think girls and young women are pressurised by some men""

Lets not link Minors and Adults, they are very different in their Emotional intelligence, capability of knowing consequences and being exploited.

You turn 18, it's time to grow up. Women manage to not have sex with underage Lads. Yes there might be the odd case, but lets face it, you offer sex to a group of 15 year old Lads, most will go for it. You don't have to offer, Boys chase Girls/Women of all. Yet we aren't all ending up on the SOR.

I though all the excuses for Men had stopped by now. We need to be sending the message that before you have sex with someone, find out a bit about them. There's some nasty STI's about. Ask where they've been on holiday etc. If they are under 18, don't keep pictures.

It isn't a great hardship, to make sure that children are protected.

in many cases girls and young women are willing and enthusiastic partakers in these things.
Its the same as underage drinking. Of course kids are willing participants. Doesn't make adult participation somehow less of a crime.

Didn't say that it did. Was responding to posters who were pearl clutching and shocked that it goes on, and then saying that girls must be coerced.

Any update?!

The SOR is one thing, BUT weekly visits to a probation officer AND changing his name?!

This guy isn't only guilty of having a few pics of his girlfriend on his phone that's for sure.

I'll happily clutch pearls - though I don't have any - rather than think "everyone does it and it's normal". There's a difference between manipulation and coercion too.

""but that doesn't mean that young people don't willingly do it, and for reasons of their own gratification. ""

And it's too much too young. Which is the message that any over 18 needs to be giving to them.

Going into a collage/apprenticeship environment makes you grow up that bit more. As does going on holiday/clubs/festivals etc, You may not be any more mature etc but you get to understand that the law applies to you and what the World's about a bit more than you do under 18.

And that does apply to Lads. They suddenly don't have the law on their side, if they get out of order and are told to pack it in by the Men around them. They suddenly realise that they are out of their depth and learn how to navigate the Adult World.

It's no different than the craze for trying to start a fight whilst your mates record it. One Girl has just been convicted of ABH for spitting in another Girls face, for Youtube likes.

It's for the Adults (over 18's) around these young people to show try to guide them, even if one of them is your GF.

any results back OP? Hope your daughter has seen sense and dumped him

Hi Op

I am very late to this thread, but just wanted to say that I too have a just turned 16 year old, who at 14 was groomed and assaulted.

We are only now coming through this, after 18 months of a very difficult time, counselling etc.

You are a good mum and I completely understand that you need to protect your daughter, she is only 16. I know some will say she is basically an adult and they did xyz at that age, she must do this that and the other. BUT whilst being groomed, they just cannot see the wood for the trees.

Whatever happens after your meet up and getting the information, its going to be a journey as you have this information (which is being dripfed by the boyfriend it is clear) and you have to deal with it. She is your daughter and it is her you need to look out for, if it hurts her feelings as she cares for him, so what... It is now that matters. She will get over a heartbreak of not seeing him (if it turns out he has fabricated some things which is what I am rightly or wrongly assuming) far easier than heartbreak of what it could lead to.

I dont want to say too much here but you are most welcome to pm me, i do know how you feel and I can tell you that you are an amazing mum, and from this it is obvious that you have a good relationship with your daughter, as she has told you what she knows.... maybe a few months down the line, but she wouldn't have told you if it was not bothering her.

to you and your daughter.

When I was 15 my Bf was 18 that technically makes him a sex offender and he could of been put on the register. Was he a sex offender ? if you were intimate, yes it does actually.

Is MN so precious or innocent that they don't understand this?

Indulge me Topcat. Answer my question. I assume you cannot because you have side stepped it, but genuinely answer it - if even only to yourself.

WHY?

I’ve copy and pasted my question to save the hassle of scrolling back:

Or in most cases the girls are keen enough to send it themselves?

A good question to ask here is “why”?
What do they get from that? What is ‘in it’ for them?

Imagine that was your son getting called a sexual offender for having a gf a year younger than him. That is not why people are calling him a sex offender. Possessing photographic material of a child of 17, who is naked, or in a state of partial undress (even if it's a day before their birthday) is a criminal matter.

Whether the law calls you a sexual offender or doesn't actually make you one! If the law calls you a sex offender, you are a sex offender. We don't get to pick what laws we do and don't like.

he was 18 and had pictures of a 17 year old ? Are you reading the thread IN WHICH SHE WAS NAKED. THAT is what makes him a sex offender.

I know from my brother's mate who analyses didgital evidence for the police that young girls are often all too keen to send nude pics - he sees it all then time in his job
So he actually watches the girls send the photo, does he? No?
So the photos have a sign saying "I willingly did this" does it? No?
He is SO clever and has magical powers that the photos talk to him? No.

Then he doesn't see them being "keen to do it all too often" does he? He sees a picture, he analyses it, but that picture doesn't hold the back story, it doesn't hold the girls thoughts and fears, or her regrets, it doesn't hold the threats that were used in order to make her comply, does it? No. So stop pretending that some how your *brothers mate" knows something about "all girls"

Did an boy/man never use the lines "if you love me, you'd do it" or "everyone does it" or "if you don't do it, Sue will" or "you're just a prude/tease/cock tease" or "Sue does it for Ben" to you? (not real names) because they have most certainly been used on me, and I did fall for one, once..and we got caught, and I got a good lecture (I was 13) ...but I didn't tell my parent of the threats he made that made me do it. Because I was ashamed and because I didn't want him to dump me, so I took the blame.

If you don't know why kids send nudes to each other that's your issue, or you are pretending to be innocent to make some kind of point, and that's your issue too.

Why do people sext each other ? Hmmm I wonder why?

Must be the doing of all those evil boys cause girls have no interest in sex at all.

BTW, before you turn this into "You are condoning grooming" I'm not, what I was replying to was people who were wondering how common nudes and sexting were among teens.

"if you were intimate, yes it does actually."

Not it doesn't, the Sex offences act 2000 has Romeo and Juliet clauses meaning that prosecutions won't happen for couples who are the same age, or close in age.

Why do people sext each other ? Hmmm I wonder why?

Evidently, as you seem absolutely impotent to answer the question.

And yet adamant that it is for their own benefit or gain...

There's an implication there though isn't there.

I'm just going to decide that you are either ridiculously naive or attempting to twist things to make some kind of strange point, so I'm not giving you the satisfaction of being able to get your outrage on.

Of course. That’s the reason.

Well then we reach a stalemate. You are unable or unwilling to answer a straightforward question on the subject as it will disprove your theory, and as such the conversation must be over.

Please do update us, OP. Hoping your DD has the best outcome possible.

Of course its over, you haven't at all refuted the fact that in many cases girls are willing to send pictures, in fact can instigate it, and they do so for their own gratification. To say that is enough, its spelled out clearly.

For some reason you are looking for more than what that says?

I absolutely do refute that fact. And you are unwilling to answer a question in relation to that fact.

By the way, you’re an almost 40yo man aren’t you? I find your point of view very disturbing.