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Original poster

DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

619 replies

Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:24

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

OP posts:
Crankywitch · 12/09/2018 08:21

@NotTakenUsername sometimes laws are wrong and 'one has moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws'. Of course there will always be some people that just follow orders from above...

AmazingGrace16 · 12/09/2018 08:23

Hope everything works out OP

Crankywitch · 12/09/2018 08:24

Having said that I don't believe that this boyfriend just looked at pics from his 17 year old gf. He obvs did a lot worse that that.

insertimaginativeusername · 12/09/2018 08:25

@NotTakenUsername I'll join you

bangs head

Gersemi · 12/09/2018 08:29

Amy, you can keep repeating that this isn't an offence till you're blue in the face, that doesn't change the fact that it undoubtedly is.

Would you really not be at all concerned to find that your daughter's boyfriend (a) is on the sexual offences register for 7 years; (b) changed his name; and (c) has let it slip that, in addition to the pictures of a 17 year old, he had pictures of animals being sexually abused?

NotTakenUsername · 12/09/2018 08:32

Crankywitch I don’t disagree but I fear introducing nuance for the likes of Amy is not the best idea...

MsJolly · 12/09/2018 08:41

Hope you got the information you needed OP and well done for protecting your daughter Flowers

astoundedgoat · 12/09/2018 08:45

@Amy1996

According to the OP's posts, we know the following:

  1. The boyfriend is on the sex offenders' register for 7 years and has to visit a probation officer once a week.
  1. This is for having photos of his 17 year old girlfriend, and possibly also images of bestiality that his mate sent him for a joke.
  1. He has changed his name and lies about his age (or encourages his underage girlfriend to do so).

As you quite rightly point out, Amy, this doesn't make a lot of sense. Why all this fuss for some photos of a girl a few months younger than him, right?

So the CONCERN is that the 7 years on the register and the probation officer are for something much worse. That he is lying. Because we already know that he lies about his age and name.

NOBODY on this thread is saying that because the boyfriend may have had pictures of his 17 year old ex on his phone, the OP should go to the police.

EVERYBODY is saying that she needs to find out why there is this disproportionate sex offender register thing + probation officer for what is (according to him) something so relatively minor.

If your child of 16 had a boyfriend, who then turned out to be an adult and on the sex offender's register with a probation officer, you would also check around.

PookieNoodlin · 12/09/2018 08:45

For everyone waiting for an update from the OP, just to let to you know that it's highly unlikely (unless there is a very very serious immediate risk of harm, in which case it is 24 hours) that the OP will have had a disclosure. She will have a face 2 face meeting with a public protection officer within 10 days of making the application and the disclosure can take up to 40 days. (Could be 30 days, I get mixed up with the timescales for Claire's law and Sarah's law 🤷‍♀️). So you will all be in for a bit of a wait.

Unihorn · 12/09/2018 08:50

www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/offences/item/possession-of-indecent-photograph-of-child-indecent-photographs-of-children/
Beastiality images come under Category A with a minimum sentence of 26 weeks/6 months, which requires an offender to be placed on the register for 7 years.

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 09:33

Yes I would be concerned but I wouldn't go around shouting that he's a sex offender and not believe anything that he says. He could be telling the truth and not done a lot wrong. Unfortunately This happens ALOT and there is a lot of men who are classed as sex offenders when they've not actually done anything wrong! It's so easy these days for a girl to make up a lie and it can ruin a mans life over nothing. Why are kids taught about this in school? An 18 year old boy is still very young and to have a 17 year old girlfriend and her sending him pictures isn't his fault and he should not be classed as a sex offender for this. Well done the law says it a sexual offense but how can any of your justify that, an 18 year old is allowed to sleep with a 16 year old but when the girl sends a pictures of herself to him that makes him a sex offender it's an absolute joke just because it's the law doesn't mean its correct !!! Stop accusing someone until you know the facts, I hope you educate your sons about this kind of stuff because whether he's lying or not this happens and all you lot are shouting sex offender when he could be telling the truth and it's not actually fair law or not

Strawbe · 12/09/2018 09:34

OP is trying to find out the facts...

wowfudge · 12/09/2018 09:38

On what planet is sending your boyfriend a nude photo of yourself or letting him take a nude photo of you the norm, that's what I'd like to know? I'm no prude but with smart phones that photo could end up anywhere within minutes so why would you?

MadameButterface · 12/09/2018 09:41

Amy are you the boyfriend Hmm

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 09:41

@wowfudge unfortunately now a days it is the norm!

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 09:41

@MadameButterface no are you ??

LemonysSnicket · 12/09/2018 09:42

OP?

NotTakenUsername · 12/09/2018 09:44

@wowfudge unfortunately now a days it is the norm!

Why unfortunately? You seem to be almost advocating it. I’m not sure you even know the point you are trying to make.

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 09:45

@NotTakenUsername it is normal for a teenage girl to send a boy nude pictures it happens all the time, it used to happen when I was at school. Your saying it's not and I'm educating you on what happens in schools now a days, I'm not trying to make any point but your acting as if it doesn't happen when it does.

Unihorn · 12/09/2018 09:46

theconversation.com/amp/sexting-a-modern-crime-that-could-be-on-a-childs-police-record-for-life-91453
Amy it is incredibly rare for someone to end up on the register for 7 years just for having a photo of a girlfriend a few months younger than then. Judges and police officers can and often will exercise discretion in these cases.

topcat1980 · 12/09/2018 09:46

It is the norm.

Doesn't matter how many times its covered in school, or talked about on the TV, or adverts are used. Kids still send pics, and videos.

Do you not remember this age and how many of us kept stuff from our parents?

wowfudge · 12/09/2018 09:48

@Amy1996 I don't believe it is - I think girls and young women are pressurised by some men that it is. You only have to see all the threads where women complain about being sent dick pics on OLD. I'm no prude, but you only have to think what someone might do with that photo to realise it's a bad idea. A man who respects women wouldn't pressure a young woman to send him such a photo and wouldn't send dick pics either.

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 09:48

At the end of the day there's too sides to every story I'm just stating how easy it is to end up on the sex offenders register I don't think it's fair everyone jumping the gun when no one even knows his story.

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 09:50

@wowfudge you obviously have no clue what young girls are like now a days! I see 12 year old girls dressed up and they look about 19/20 unfortunately it's all about image now and girls will do anything to look good and get attention from a boy

wowfudge · 12/09/2018 09:54

@Amy1996 - parents have a duty to guide their children on these kinds of things. It's a really sad indictment if young women and girls don't value themselves enough not to bow to the pressure of the sleazy men who push for it. I don't give a shit if you think that means I'm out of touch or old fashioned. I sure as hell would advise a daughter of mine not to do it. Not everyone does everything - that is the great myth peddled about these kinds of things in order to normalise them.