DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

[Brighton5555]

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

I don't believe it is - I think girls and young women are pressurised by some men that it is.

I agree with this. Also then these women go on to tell others it is the ‘norm’ because the alternative is to acknowledge they have been violated by these men. And so it perpetuates the myth.

I think given your age you landed right in the middle of the ‘lost’ generation in relation to nudes/sexting/dick pics.

The technology had advanced quicker than the legislation and education that has been added to protect children and young people.

You are not educating me btw - I'm fully aware these things happen. We have to look at why and I think you'll find certain kinds of men are behind it.

I see 12 year old girls dressed up and they look about 19/20

Yes. So do I. This is not new. Do a bit of reading around the Jimmy Saville atrocity. These girls need to be protected - not held up as the an example of the new normal.

I’m not convinced you even are a 22 yo woman if I’m honest - some of the things you are writing make me sick to my stomach.

"I think you'll find certain kinds of men are behind it."

Or in most cases the girls are keen enough to send it themselves?

When I was younger my mum used to talk to me about not making myself look older and trying to look sexy, etc. and not doing anything you didn't want to with anyone, i.e. boys. It was excruciatingly embarrassing but I recognised when she was right - she had a child protection role in a school btw so was not naive about what goes on with some people. My parents were strict about going out and what we got up to, but in retrospect I am glad.

@topcat1980 - the idea of sending photos in the first place doesn't originate with them, no. They are only keen to send them because they think that is what you have to do to impress men.

I think we need to stop thinking of teenage girls as innocent little dolls in cases. They do need to be protected, but in lots of cases ( obviously not all) girls are just as willing to send and receive these photos.

Amy1996 it sounds like you are a sex offender apologiest?

Or in most cases the girls are keen enough to send it themselves?

A good question to ask here is “why”?
What do they get from that? What is ‘in it’ for them?

nowadays is one word.

"What is ‘in it’ for them?"

Is MN so precious or innocent that they don't understand this?

Amy, Have you or your son been put on the register hence being so vile and defensive?

This is bad. Very bad.
Somebody I know was recently convicted. Barely avoided prison. His version was that he was sexting a girl "who said she was 18", but was actually 14. Ok, for a moment let's believe shit happens. Teenagers aren't helpless innocent babies. They mess about, lie about age, initiate sexual contact themselves, and the man might just been an idiot.
However, turns out he was making indecent images of his own children. So i'm dead sure the character in OP's story did something much much worse than have some pics of his gf.

@Topcat1980 - I'm interested to know what you think the answer is.

So you don't know why teenagers send nudes to each other?

Or is it all dirty horrible boys and men manipulating sweet innocent girls for you?

There's more to this story.. something just doesn't add up here.

Did you manage to speak to anyone?
Is your daughter a naive 16 year old?

Surely you don't get put on the sex offenders register for hitting someone and photos sent to you by that person.. There would have to be more ham that I am sure?

The best thing to do for now is not let him unattended in your home around your other children..

Hope you got the answers you need and well done for protecting your daughter

If you try to keep your daughter away who is with him unfortunately you will push her to him. That's the fuck up of the whole grooming process and manipulation of the bastards!

@topcat1980 - I don't believe it originates with girls and young women so do tell me

Then you are very naive, that in many cases girls and young women are willing and enthusiastic partakers in these things.

It sounds like rubbish to me. Phones don't get looked at when there's a fight.

They did in serious cases. My brother's friend does this for a living. The GPS signal can be used to prove the individual was at the said location at the time of the alleged attack etc.

They can also analyse texts to build up a case - e.g. harassment prior to the incident.

I’m sure there are plenty of adult women sending pics of themselves without any coercion whatsoever. If they are I hope they’re sensible enough to do it in a way that means they can’t be identified should the proverbial shit hit the fan. Young people may not necessarily worry too much about the long terms implications of sharing images and may not necessarily protect themselves in the same way. They’re certainly not aware of the law and do not appreciate that they can be sharing “ indecent images of children” even when the image is of themselves and they are sharing willingly. This sadly leads to potential issues of blackmail where young people are threatened with public humiliation if they don’t continue the relationship / sending images or actually have the embarrassment of having images shared. Its

Topcat wtaf??? And you can generalise and know this how?

Only because it is normalised ffs @topcat1980

And nowhere have I said that it's all dirty horrible boys and men manipulating sweet innocent girls - I have stated that it's some men who do this and they are the ones who don't respect women or perhaps don't even understand what respect is. But yes, they are manipulative.