To want to have my son every Christmas Day?

[opalescent]

Genuinely torn about this.
I have a 5 year old son and a 1 year old daughter. My son is from a previous relationship, and sees his dad consistently every other weekend, more in the holidays.

They have a lovely relationship, and my son adores going to see his dad.

For the first couple of Christmases, we split the actual day- so my son was with me until mid afternoon, and then went off to his dads.
I decided last year to stop that, as I felt it made the day too bitty, and my son also received two full Christmas present hauls in one day, which was just too overwhelming for him.

I strongly feel that it is better for him to spend the whole of Christmas Day in one place- but I don't want it be anywhere other than with me 😨. I hate the thought of splitting him up from his little sister, and flat out can't imagine Christmas Eve or morning without him.

As the main care giver- wibu to say that he is with me every Christmas Day (for the foreseeable), and goes to his dad on Boxing Day?

Who on Earth said Xmas Day had to be done on 25th Dec?? When my sister works shifts we move Xmas to boxing Day. That means we do xmas eve things on xmas day and have stockings, big meal, all presents etc.. on Boxing Day. The kids are now old enough to be told we are shifting up a day but it makes no odds to them. we just write and make a special arrangement with Santa.

You’re not being unreasonable to feel that way. But you would be if you tried to enforce it.

I feel your pain, but alternating or splitting the day is the right thing to do for your son, as it is for my daughter.

I think the split of the day sounds like a reasonable arrangement. The only other alternative is to have alternate years - you can't expect him to spend Christmas Day with you every single year and his father miss out.

You say that it was too bitty for him and he was overwhelmed by having two present hauls on one day. He's still only young and I think that in the next couple of years he'll not find it so overwhelming.
As kids, all the extended family used to meet in the afternoon on Christmas Day and actually it was great because it meant the celebrations continued rather than there being a bit of an anticlimax late afternoon/evening.
Stick with the current arrangement if you can. It sounds like a good compromise.

my brother and his ex also do the Christmas Eve-Christmas lunch/Lunch-boxing day split.

Last year I invited ExH over to spend xmas with us, this year I will give him the choice of doing the same split.

Stupid suggestion possibly - but are you amicable enough that you could celebrate together?

I have a friend whose partner has two teen daughters (they don't have children together) and they spent last Christmas with his two daughters at their mother's sister's house with the mum there and various other family members from both sides.

we do a whole blended family xmas lunch

xh, his new gf, her son, his dad if he wants to come, mine and exh dcs, my dp (if I have one) and any other related family members. Last year we had xh's new gf's brothers and xh's mother too

it's all about being grown up I'm afraid and it is all about the dcs

As he gets older doing the split day will be much less full on for him. That's the most fair as each parent gets 24 Xmas hours with him - Xmas eve - Middle of Xmas day or middle Xmas day - Boxing day.

Nice that you are thinking of what's fair for all and listening to posters. Hope you and your son have a great Xmas when it rolls around.

I don't think it's unreasonable IF you're prepared to have his dad there too.

Kids are resilient and if your son seems happy enough then I would just go with what works for him. I would say that with you also having a half sibling then by going to his dads half the day it gives him some dedicated him only time too (I'm in no way saying he doesn't get this with you but it is probably something that both children will value to be centre of attention for a bit of the day)

With our alternate and split it meant both parents could enjoy the initial 'Santa's been' excitement but we explained early on that Santa goes to both his houses and drops presents at both.
DH and ex compile a list of gifts from Santa and each get him stuff from that so it's still just one set of gifts but just gets opened in two lots.

It does help that we are only 10 mins from his mums house so it's not a long journey between, that is also something to consider on should you alternate years or split the day.

Hope you find the answer that works for you, it is so hard when they are small and it's still such a magical time for them!

and I have to say there has not been a xmas when I haven't shed a tear about being a broken family for the dcs - it is bloody hard xmas for single parents so you have my utmost sympathy!

massively U, oviously.

I couldn’t do it, my kids would be with me every Christmas. We invite my ex (we’re good friends) around at Christmas though because we all get along and its lovely, or sometimes he comes on Boxing Day. But your kid sounds like he really likes being at his dads and so i would probably alternate

OP this is something I'll be facing in future and I totally understand your feelings. Last Christmas I invited my ex here and to stay overnight Xmas eve. I probably will again this year. My 2 are 1 and 3, and I expect next year will be the one where we might start alternating. What I will do though is not have Xmas day until the day they are with me. They don't know.

In fact no, I take it back, I just couldn’t, but I’d invite them over as I do

My ex used to have my children for a special Christmas Eve dinner - they would be home in time to watch some tv with me. Then they'd go there on Christmas Day afternoon and come back about an hour before bedtime. He would do a special tea for them then.

I imagine the vast majority of involved parents want to spend every Christmas Day with their child, but unfortunately not all of them can.
You need to speak to your ex. If he and your son are happy with that arrangement then fine, no issues. I imagine your ex wants to see his child on Christmas Day too however, in which case you need to come up with a solution.

My DM did this - they divorced when I was 4 and every Christmas Day was 'hers' regardless of how my brother, myself or my dad felt about it.

It bred resentment in all honesty and felt like w stick to beat him with. We wanted more than anything to see him on the day as we never really had. I'd be careful about putting your needs and wants above those of your child and his father.

I'm biased because DD's dad is a twat but I don't think your being unreasonable.

She doesn't see him now full stop but when she did I wasn't forsaking Christmas with with when he only bothered with her one night out or fourteen if that.

Resident parent always has to deal with the drudgery yet expected to give up half bdays/Christmas and anything fun.

Who left who?
If the dad left to start a new life then he left his child and therefore that child should spend every Christmas at home, ie with you.
If mutual, you need to decide between you. But imo you should get Xmas and him Boxing day.
IMO the primary home is always the mother's house, unless the woman left the home and children, or isn't fit to be prime carer. There is no such thing as having 2 homes, or shouldn't be. I would also say, that the siblings in the main home are closer than any that the parent who left has with another partner.
So imo your son should spend each Christmas with you then see his dad the next day. That means he gets two Christmasses, the main one with his mum and baby sister. The next with his dad.
As the parent left with your children all week, he is the part time dad. That means not having first choice on special days such as Christmas. If he wants that he should go for joint custody. Can't have it all roads round.

onetime

That’s appalling advice.

Leaving your partner, irrespective of your sex, doesn’t mean you also left your child.

Alternating the whole xmas day is best, otherwise you never get a whole proper xmas day and all that entails with either parent. Having a full celebration on boxing day is like having two Christmas days and is magical. Think of all the positives about it.

Semper, yes it does. Particularly if you leave for another partner. You shouldn't drag your kid into your bad decisions. If you leave the family home, you leave the child there-in their home.
You can't decide to make them a 'new home' just as you can't expect your partner to be their 'new daddy' or 'new mummy'. I think blending families and splitting up, done amicably, is manageable, but not at the expense of uprooting everything the child knows-which is Christmas at home.

I do split Christmases which I hate but it's the fairest way to do it. My parents are divorced and my dad moved abroad. It makes me sad that I have never seen him on Christmas Day, and I'd hate my DDs to feel that way.

It's completely reasonable to want to have your child every Christmas. It would be totally unfair to everybody except you to try to actually make it happen, however.