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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of struggling?

193 replies

BoldComicSans · 03/09/2018 17:08

I’m a single mum with 2 children. Divorced 8 years ago.
Ex has never paid a penny in child maintenance and refuses to. He won’t but school uniform or clothes and if he does buy them anything they are strictly kept at his house.

He has the children 3 nights every other week as per the contact order.

I work full time and the children are in childcare before and after school so I can work.

I just about pay the bills and cover a food budget which is minimal. I don’t drink or go out.

Yet at times like now when the kids need uniform, I have to miss a bill to be able to stretch to it.

He gets to take them on holiday and to fun days out. Whilst I’m boring old mum paying the bills, doing the washing and cleaning, working forcing the kids to childcare.

Not sure what I’m asking, I just feel that after struggling for 8 years I’d hoped to be in a better position by now.

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
sparklepops123 · 03/10/2018 20:34

Good for you, I've followed your thread 💐👍

FullOfJellyBeans · 03/10/2018 20:35

Yay! Good for you OP.

DaphneduWarrior · 03/10/2018 22:02

Well done OP. I’ve read the whole thread and just wanted to say you rock. You sound like a lovely mum and your kids are lucky to have you. I hope that £194 is enough to make a real difference - get you out of debt and enable you to have a holiday in the not too distant future. You deserve it. Flowers

stickygotstuck · 04/10/2018 21:22

Great news, well done OP, be proud of yourself! Flowers.
Hope things are looking up for you. Your kids are lucky to have you.

sparklepops123 · 04/10/2018 21:44

Just bear in mind even though it's through cms, it's not a guaranteed day it's paid, it can be a week or so difference. They're happily enough to tell you if it's been taken into their system but there can be delays. Don't relay on it being paid every month the same day

flopsyrabbit1 · 04/10/2018 22:30

Fantastic op you have come along way

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 06/10/2018 21:02

Thank you everyone. I'm very tired this week and feeling sorry for myself today.
I had an appointment at the dental hospital yesterday, which will now be a fortnightly thing. The corners of my mouth is extremely sore from such a long appointment and I think they are turning into cold sores.

So tomorrow's mission is to buy cold sore cream and hope it goes away fairly quickly.

I have a child free weekend so am trying to catch up with resting although have tidied and cleaned the house today and done a good shop.

As always my anxiety is high because I'm worrying about what my ex is telling the children and what they will say when they come home.

But overall I'm trying to be positive and am still plodding along.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 06/10/2018 21:47

Keep going OP.

Hope you are able to have a nice restful day today. You are doing so well.

A PP gave some good advice about what to tell your kids ie give them examples of what other families do. I would also say that it’s the law that parents do that and it’s important that everyone obeys the law. Try to depersonalise it. It’s not you doing this to your ex, it’s the government that sets the rules for everyone

Flowers
Original poster
BoldComicSans · 07/10/2018 19:59

Can depression and anxiety go against you when deciding on which parent children should live with?

Or working full time with not much flexibility?

OP posts:
Original poster
BoldComicSans · 11/10/2018 17:11

I don't think I can do this anymore. I may as well stop fighting and let him win.

The report seems to be giving him his way to prevent further issues!

And as usual I'm struggling financially.

I am so so fed up. All these years of fighting for nothing. I can't keep doing this.

OP posts:
MrsChollySawcutt · 11/10/2018 18:03

Don't give up! You have been sound so well. What is in the report that is worrying you?

sparklepops123 · 11/10/2018 18:14

You can't give up, it's your dc stability and security you're fighting for. What's bothering you the most

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 11/10/2018 18:26

It recommends shared care. Because having the same or less contact will result in what has resulted so far. Referrals etc.

And it states I'm too dependant on childcare meaning I don't spend much time with my children.

I work full time! It's the only way I can pay my bills!

OP posts:
sparklepops123 · 11/10/2018 18:46

That's stupid, it's like you're getting penalised for trying to support your dc

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 11/10/2018 19:12

I just feel like I'm fighting a battle I'll never win.

OP posts:
Nellyelora · 11/10/2018 19:26

If he has shared care what will he do about childcare when he works?

sparklepops123 · 11/10/2018 19:30

If he's having them at min 3 out of 14 days surely he can't manage with extra childcare. Would he actually want them so long anyway or is it mind games

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 11/10/2018 19:43

He would use his girlfriend or his mum for childcare. I don't have those options.

OP posts:
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