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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of struggling?

193 replies

BoldComicSans · 03/09/2018 17:08

I’m a single mum with 2 children. Divorced 8 years ago.
Ex has never paid a penny in child maintenance and refuses to. He won’t but school uniform or clothes and if he does buy them anything they are strictly kept at his house.

He has the children 3 nights every other week as per the contact order.

I work full time and the children are in childcare before and after school so I can work.

I just about pay the bills and cover a food budget which is minimal. I don’t drink or go out.

Yet at times like now when the kids need uniform, I have to miss a bill to be able to stretch to it.

He gets to take them on holiday and to fun days out. Whilst I’m boring old mum paying the bills, doing the washing and cleaning, working forcing the kids to childcare.

Not sure what I’m asking, I just feel that after struggling for 8 years I’d hoped to be in a better position by now.

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoldComicSans · 12/09/2018 13:41

I am managing okay. It’s only been through text message so far. I have just ignored it completely. I will leave it in the hands of the agency.

It seems he has told them he has shared care, so I may need to send them the court order.

He’s also said that I can’t apply after 5 years. No idea what that’s about. He also has thousands of receipts of things he has bought the kids. None of which has ever entered my house.

Plus I’m applying from now, not the past.

He won’t beat me down. And I won’t give in. He will tell the kids I’m trying to steal from him. He’s told them that before because I claim child benefit. He’s already been warned about having adult conversations with the children but just does as he pleases.

OP posts:
sparklepops123 · 12/09/2018 13:55

He's panicking because he knows you're in the right and he has to pay up, sad pathetic man. 💐 to you, keep strong.

3luckystars · 12/09/2018 15:16

Tell him you have loads of receipts too, suitcases full of them and you are not going to lie down anymore.
Keep going.

Mrspotter12 · 12/09/2018 15:39

Just wanted to say well done you, take no notice and stay strong!
ThanksThanks

bershetmelon · 12/09/2018 16:00

Thanksno advice but wanted to say a big well done to you OP! Don't let him wear you down! You're doing an amazing job x

MrsChollySawcutt · 13/09/2018 09:13

Keep strong OP. He is cornered and blustering, hoping to intimidate you. Ignore him and let the CMS process play out.

It's revolting that he would bad mouth you to the DC. They should be totally unaware of all this. Thanks

Movin · 13/09/2018 09:25

Good work OP ! He can't avoid paying, it's not optional

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 13/09/2018 11:31

Thanks everyone. The mind games are still ongoing. I’m not engaging.

OP posts:
sparklepops123 · 13/09/2018 11:42

You've obviously really pissed him off 👍

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 13/09/2018 18:44

I think I piss him off by just breathing really.

OP posts:
sparklepops123 · 13/09/2018 18:51

That's his problem

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/09/2018 18:52

You’re doing the right thing OP. He’s a horrible person and you’re doing right by your children who deserve all the support and opportunities they can have.

Chin up. Ignore him, he’s a dick head.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 13/09/2018 19:12

Your ex is a prick

You're doing brilliantly Flowers

DowntonCrabby · 13/09/2018 19:27

Well done for staying so strong. It’ll all be worth it getting what you are owed for your children. Flowers

What a prick. Grey rock all the way!!

Doubletrouble99 · 13/09/2018 20:16

Have just read the whole thread and just wanted to send you massive hugs and support. Keep it up girl, don't respond to him. Well done.

cushioncovers · 16/09/2018 11:58

He's being a dick. Unless he has them more than one night a week it's not classed as shAred care.

MessyBun247 · 16/09/2018 12:03

You are doing great OP well done.

He’s shitting himself because he realises he will finally have to pay CM to you. Make sure you get it backdated if you can.

He will try every trick in the book to try and emotionally manipulate you so you back down. But you are seeing through his bullshit. Stay strong and keep going!

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 16/09/2018 12:15

He has them 104 nights a year at the moment. That still isn’t shared care.

OP posts:
Coolaschmoola · 16/09/2018 12:25

If he has them 3 nights a fortnight that's 78 nights a year. Is the rest holidays?

Teabay · 16/09/2018 13:27

In a similar place with a similar idiot.

Hold firm - it's money to improve your children's lives x

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 16/09/2018 13:53

He currently gets half of all the school holidays. We are back in court soon because for the 7th time he has applied for residency.

Due to past history he has been told no so has now changed his application to shared care. He is wanting the children half of every week.

This means we now have to have a report done by a social worker and psychological assessments. All which have been done before.

OP posts:
Teabay · 16/09/2018 14:05

Maybe if they're nearly ten, the DC will be asked their opinion?
It's clear from the outside that the request for increased care MAY be to reduce CMS...
Hopefully the professionals have seen it all before.

Good luck - karma will get him. You have the most important thing, the children.

cushioncovers · 17/09/2018 09:58

What's his motive for wanting shared custody? Because he's a good dad who genuinely wants to be involved with his kids or because he won't have to pay CM?

cushioncovers · 17/09/2018 10:01

My kids were 10 and 12 when I got divorced. It ended up in court. My dc were adamant they didn't want to spend half their time with their father. He was and still is a shit parent and was an abusive husband. They only see him for a few hours about once every three weeks.

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 17/09/2018 11:34

Unfortunately my kids think the sun shines out of his backside because he’s a Disney dad. So will voice they want to see him lots.

He wants residency because he thinks if he claims benefits for them he won’t have to work and will have lots of money.

He also now has another child on the way so this is fuelling this want even more.

OP posts: