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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of struggling?

193 replies

BoldComicSans · 03/09/2018 17:08

I’m a single mum with 2 children. Divorced 8 years ago.
Ex has never paid a penny in child maintenance and refuses to. He won’t but school uniform or clothes and if he does buy them anything they are strictly kept at his house.

He has the children 3 nights every other week as per the contact order.

I work full time and the children are in childcare before and after school so I can work.

I just about pay the bills and cover a food budget which is minimal. I don’t drink or go out.

Yet at times like now when the kids need uniform, I have to miss a bill to be able to stretch to it.

He gets to take them on holiday and to fun days out. Whilst I’m boring old mum paying the bills, doing the washing and cleaning, working forcing the kids to childcare.

Not sure what I’m asking, I just feel that after struggling for 8 years I’d hoped to be in a better position by now.

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
RoseRuby26 · 23/09/2018 21:41

So sorry OP. Sending you hugs and strength. I truly hope you can find a way forward for you and your children. You are worth 1000x their awful dad. Keep going. Take 1 day at a time!

Doubletrouble99 · 23/09/2018 22:24

Hug from me. Why not tell your ex you need another car and see what he can do!!

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 24/09/2018 17:05

I managed to borrow money to fix the car. Will deal with that next month. Had an offer from the ex for a fortnightly payment towards the kids. Have ignored it for now.

OP posts:
MrsChollySawcutt · 24/09/2018 17:14

That's great news OP. Hmm sounds like your ex is scared of having his money taken direct from his earnings. I'd be cautious though, he can offer all sorts but will he actually keep up regular payments in the long term?

FrustratedBeyond · 24/09/2018 17:27

I wished I could help with your money... I can feel your sadness and desperation Sad this hardship won't last forever even tho it feels like it, keep going hun you can rock this! May fave quote 'it can't rain all the time' Flowers

merlotmummy14 · 24/09/2018 18:32

How much was the fortnightly payment for? It's probably a lowball offer compared to what he's supposed to be paying.

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 24/09/2018 18:51

I don't understand why you haven't gone through csa from the off, no way would I let a deadbeat dad like this just not bother to pay for his own children, that's what the csa is for. Time to toughen up OP

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 24/09/2018 18:52

Sorry just read the update, well done for standing up to him OP, the csa will sort it out he can't hide from them

Butterymuffin · 24/09/2018 20:43

Ignoring is the right move for now. He'll be worried the system will demand a lot more than he's offering. Let him stew.

sparklepops123 · 24/09/2018 20:55

He knows it's real now . Leave it to them 💐

RandomMess · 24/09/2018 21:40

Yeah go through CMS because when he stops paying they will go for deduction of earnings it's the best way.

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 25/09/2018 06:22

He has also said he's coming to school open days. I need to find the strength to grey rock and not allow him to take over. He has offered £35 a week. My enter key isn't working on here so I can't do paragraphs :/

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 25/09/2018 07:40

£35!! That will be less that he should be giving you. He'll also mess you around, continue with CSA as he can't then just stop paying.

Can you speak to women's aid? You are still being abused and sound so low. Hugs op.

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 25/09/2018 10:03

I also have a psychological assessment Friday too for court. Not looking forward to it.

OP posts:
Desperateandconfused · 25/09/2018 10:32

Sounds like you’re doing really well. Of course, I’d also suggest going down the CSA route but I know that can be hard sometimes depending on the circumstances. So I just want to say, you’re doing great and your kids will definitely thank you one day for all you’ve done xx

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 27/09/2018 09:59

My psychological assessment is this afternoon :(

OP posts:
sparklepops123 · 27/09/2018 10:11

Hope all goes well for you 💐

Catastic · 27/09/2018 10:21

All the best with it Bold. He sounds a bully.

Remember, you are fighting for the best interests of your kids so please don't let him intimidate you or try to force you to accept anything less than you are entitled to. There is only one of you putting the children first Flowers.

stickygotstuck · 27/09/2018 11:33

You'll be fine today OP. Sending you strength and Flowers. But you are strong anyway!

sparklepops123 · 27/09/2018 19:14

How did it go today ?

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 27/09/2018 21:04

I think it actually went quite well. I'm exhausted now though.
Open evenings for schools next week and ex has informed me he will be attending with us.
Would it be wrong of me to arrange to visit another time and date that he doesn't know about?

OP posts:
sparklepops123 · 27/09/2018 21:12

Not at all , keep him at arms reach .

RandomMess · 27/09/2018 21:16

No it wouldn't be wrong. He has the right to go to open evenings but he doesn't have the right to insist he accompanies you

Original poster
BoldComicSans · 03/10/2018 20:24

An update.
He has complained to cafcass that I have refused to attend a school open evening with him. They have told him he is welcome to view them separately.
Also had a letter from child maintenance. He is due to pay £194 per month starting in a few weeks.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/10/2018 20:27

Love how Cafcass put him in his place!

Payments should get backdated to when you first phoned CMS Thanks

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