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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be upset if your parents and both your adult DDs forgot, and five days, later still seemed unaware...

319 replies

liz70 · 03/09/2018 16:51

...that your DH and you had had your twentieth wedding anniversary? No card, no phonecall, no message, no acknowledgement whatsoever?

Just that, really.

OP posts:
Neshoma · 03/09/2018 17:01

No. Barely remember my own, let alone anyone elses.

Did you remind them or say anything??

HesterMacaulay · 03/09/2018 17:02

No Wedding anniversaries are for the couple.

Harrykanesrightsock · 03/09/2018 17:02

No could care less. I have no idea when others anniversaries are so wouldn’t expect anyone to remember ours.

AmabelleOnabike · 03/09/2018 17:02

No! I've just passed mine (well ours I suppose) and nobody but us remembered. As I would expect. I was a bridesmaid twice and I always remember my "brides" anniversaries and mention the significant ones but I don't expect it of anyone. It's a significant date for us only.

HRTpatch · 03/09/2018 17:02

Not at all.

HolyMountain · 03/09/2018 17:03

Absolutely not, I wouldn't be bothered one jot.

ChanklyBore · 03/09/2018 17:03

I was an adult and my parents were dead before I found out the actual date and year that they were married (because I was dealing with the estate).

Prior to that I knew roughly the year. As in I could pinpoint it to the right half of the right decade.

So I’d have to say no, that wouldn’t upset me in the least.

TheFairyCaravan · 03/09/2018 17:04

Nope.

The only reason our children were aware that it was our 20th wedding anniversary was because we buggered off to Cape Verde for a week and left them on their own. They were 19&17, I hasten to add.

LadyofDispleasure · 03/09/2018 17:05

I always find it quite strange when people actually do remember other people's anniversaries and send a card etc. It's nice, of course, but an anniversary only really means something to the couple involved.

EvilRingahBitch · 03/09/2018 17:05

Naah. We do things for my DP’s “big” anniveraries: 25, 40, 50, and I tend to say Happy Anniversary if I’m ringing up and remember (it normally comes up in conversation anyway “what are you up to this week?” “out to dinner to celebrate our anniversary”), but it’s only really their day. I don’t think either set of parents even know when ours is although they’ll wish us a happy one if I happen to mention it.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 03/09/2018 17:05

Nope

sockunicorn · 03/09/2018 17:05

your children - no. the day means nothing to them. why would it?

your parents it depends. do you send them cards/remember theirs? if so then maybe they could have said "happy anniversary". but i dont think TABU.

i couldnt tell you when my parents is and i dont think they celebrate it. however i know the date of my grandparents but, again, we dont mention it (they do cards/gifts to each other).

MrsStrowman · 03/09/2018 17:06

Anniversaries are a celebration between a married couple, they're not for others to remember. Different if you'd thrown a party and they forgot to attend.

Dumbledoresgirl · 03/09/2018 17:09

Gosh no, I wouldn't expect anyone to remember, sadly not even dh. Actually I would like him to remember but we are a few years down the line from you and I can't remember when he last remembered it. But parents and adult children? Totally not, why should they?

notangelinajolie · 03/09/2018 17:09

No - I've been known to forget my own wedding anniversary. And our kids have no idea of the date. Why would anyone except your and your DH have reason to remember it. It was your day - not theirs.

Rufustheyawningreindeer · 03/09/2018 17:09

No

Having said that we got married on my birthday so it's fairly hard to forget and dh and dont tend to send cards or give presents

I dont get a birthday card then all hell will break loose...but anniversary? Nah, not fussed

GlassSuppers · 03/09/2018 17:10

Nope.

I think it's strange when people send each other cards, never mind people outside the marriage!

Congratulations for sticking to your vows for another year Confused

Mitzimaybe · 03/09/2018 17:11

No. Agree with most PP - it's between the couple themselves, no one else needs to remember.

skippy67 · 03/09/2018 17:11

Nope.

Silvercatowner · 03/09/2018 17:11

Blimey I can barely remember my own.

FadedRed · 03/09/2018 17:12

Funny how people differ. We always get a card from DC, and my DSis, and DM when she was alive. And I send one to them on theirs. I usually send a first anniversary card to couples whose weddings we were invited to as well. Obviously very much in the minority here, but not to say that any others is wrong.

PieAndPumpkins · 03/09/2018 17:12

My MIL always used to phone me up and remind me it was so and so's anniversary - like SIL etc, until it eventually phased out. None of them have sent us an anniversary card, or wished us a happy anniversary in years, so I feel no guilt whatsoever in reciprocating. I agree with the PP, it only really matters to you and spouse anyway, unless you are planning a celebration.

BeautifulPossibilities · 03/09/2018 17:12

No not at all. Too much shit to remember and take care of to remember everyone else's birthdays

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 03/09/2018 17:13

No. It's not a birthday, anniversaries are between you and your partner. If you wanted it recognised you should have thrown a party.,

BlingLoving · 03/09/2018 17:13

I'm constantly surprised when people remember our wedding anniversary. I can't work out why they send me messages. It's between me and DH.

Having said that, I would possibly expect adult DC to remember. Certainly we always remembered our parents anniversary and were part of celebrations for major ones. And since mum died it's actually one of the hardest days for me every year. Weirdly.