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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be upset if your parents and both your adult DDs forgot, and five days, later still seemed unaware...

319 replies

liz70 · 03/09/2018 16:51

...that your DH and you had had your twentieth wedding anniversary? No card, no phonecall, no message, no acknowledgement whatsoever?

Just that, really.

OP posts:
NottinghamNeil · 04/09/2018 18:08

God, no! We’re lucky if we remember. We’ll have a nice meal together, but we haven’t bothered with cards for years. If someone else gave us a card or congratulated us, that would be weird.

What do you do to mark other people’s wedding anniversaries?

Nightshiftmad · 04/09/2018 18:13

No it's impossible for people to remember you've been married 20 years. I think if you put something on Facebook loads of people would wish you well. If hubby forgot that's a different matter.

Alter · 04/09/2018 18:14

No to anyone remembering and no expectation from them either on our part x

Rn1986 · 04/09/2018 18:17

Oh my god, I thought from the title they'd forgotten your birthday, then I read a wedding anniversary!! Really??!! People have their own lives and lots of things going on, including your children, I think it's quite selfish that you expect people to remember. It's between husband and wife!!! Well done for putting up with someone so long, I mean you probably deserve a medal for that!

Mishappening · 04/09/2018 18:17

YABU. None of my family have ever remembered our anniversary - unless they happen to be there on the day and see the cards and say - Oh, is it your anniversary? Doesn't bother me.

They remembered the 25th because we had a party for loads of people - ditto the ruby. Otherwise nothing - and I am more than fine with that!

AC14MUZ · 04/09/2018 18:20

It was our four month wedding anniversary this year and we both totally forgot, my DH was even away on a lads holiday!

Wholymoley · 04/09/2018 18:21

Nope!

Ruffian · 04/09/2018 18:24

Strange, seems to be one of those 'only on MN' things as practically every poster says they wouldn't be bothered. Everyone I know would definitely make a big deal about a 20th anniversary (would probably have to remind adult dc tho'!)

greeneyedlulu · 04/09/2018 18:27

I'm with you op, I've never forgotten my parents anniversary and always make a little fuss over them each year with flowers, chocolates and dinner!! I understand why you're a bit upset! Chin up xx

niccyb · 04/09/2018 18:33

Nope. An anniversary is something between the couple. As long as my other half didn’t forget, that’s all that matters. I’m also not interstate in any one else’s anniversary

Peakypolly · 04/09/2018 18:34

Congratulations for sticking to your vows for another year 😂😂😂
Exactly... why is that funny? I don't get it.

I would hope my adult DC will remember any significant anniversaries because, it it wasn't for our marriage, they wouldn't exist.

I like any happy occasion and love to celebrate them. I realise that is very unmumsnetty though.

pollymere · 04/09/2018 18:36

25th yes, 20th no. My dd asked me why anyone would send cards for a wedding anniversary the other day. She thought it was odd unless part of the couple. She sort of got Silver or Gold.

Strongmummy · 04/09/2018 18:38

No. Not unless I was throwing a party/had reminded them a lot

Tweez · 04/09/2018 18:38

Actually no, I wouldn’t mind. Our son ( who’s 25) wouldn’t know our wedding anniversary date anyway....and parents who are left, wouldn’t remember....sister in law does remember though. I think as long as husband remembers it’s good enough for me Smile

LemonysSnicket · 04/09/2018 18:39

I didn't know my parents anniversary ...

Butterymuffin · 04/09/2018 18:42

Everyone I know would definitely make a big deal about a 20th anniversary

@Ruffian I agree - only on MN indeed! My parents have always had tons of anniversary cards each year from family and friends. I think it's a diminishing thing - we get some but not as many.

Odd really given that card manufacturers seem to push all sorts of other card giving occasions. Maybe it's less profitable to sell those as they differ for everyone, and they'd rather spend their efforts promoting Valentine's Day cards as soon as Christmas is over.

manicmij · 04/09/2018 18:52

No.

3awesomestars · 04/09/2018 18:52

No not at all.

I think wedding anniversaries are private between the couple and wouldn’t expect anyone to remember mine.
Also, I think celebrations should be arranged only by the couple - no one ever truly knows the actual circumstances of a marriage and a ‘surprise’ celebration could be the couples worst nightmare - even after 50 years!!

Pixiegirl76 · 04/09/2018 18:59

I think a wedding anniversary is just for the 2 of you.It was mine last Sunday.I dont have my parents anymore,just 4 adult children.None of them remembered,why should they? And it was a VERY special anniversary too.So dont be upset

Commonpeoplelikeme · 04/09/2018 18:59

Agree with the masses. I wouldn’t be offended. I remember my parents but that’s just me. And they’re not shy of reminding me if it’s a big one!

icanbewhatiwant · 04/09/2018 19:01

We got married last year in October...I couldn’t tell you the date though 😂 so I don’t expect dh to remember. I have had all 3 children and dh forget my birthday before. Someone tipped dh off in the afternoon. He thought it was hilarious that he’d forgotten. The children were reminded at pick up and they all went to Tesco for cards and flowers. They haven’t forgotten again though!!

Pebblespony · 04/09/2018 19:05

If you want a fuss made, remind them next year.

SilverBirchTree · 04/09/2018 19:06

Lol no of course not

isabella2 · 04/09/2018 19:09

I'd be upset. We acknowledge every anniversary in our immediate family! Not with presents and cards (but would get card for 20th and other big ones). Congratulations!

flowermother · 04/09/2018 19:10

No, not really. I’m 14 years married, so only another six until 20. If DH and I decide to mark it that’s up to us, but I don’t see it as an achievement, and certainly don’t expect acknowledgement, unless of course you host a dinner or a party and invite people to celebrate with you. So many more things take precedence since the wedding day, so no, I wouldn’t be offended.