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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be upset if your parents and both your adult DDs forgot, and five days, later still seemed unaware...

319 replies

liz70 · 03/09/2018 16:51

...that your DH and you had had your twentieth wedding anniversary? No card, no phonecall, no message, no acknowledgement whatsoever?

Just that, really.

OP posts:
Gammeldragz · 03/09/2018 19:33

I never really understood other people
Celebrating your anniversary until DH's family, his DM and DSis get us cards for ours. I don't reciprocate, except for big one they had a meal out for last year. MIL has remembered ours several times when we have forgotten!

SweetheartNeckline · 03/09/2018 19:36

Definitely remember my parents' and grandparents' anniversaries. It matters to them and it's a nice thing to do. I like having an excuse to treat them to a cheap pub meal or bunch of flowers. Vaguely remember those of friends if I've been to the wedding and would mention it if I saw them that day - more in an omg can you believe it's been 6 years type way - but wouldn't get them a card. My parents and grandparents remember ours - they just get us a card but grandparents sometimes give us £20 for a takeaway or breakfast out.

I should mention we have JWs in our family and anniversaries are especially important to them as they don't celebrate birthdays or Christmas, not sure if that makes a difference.

whatnametouse · 03/09/2018 19:38

Nope. Don’t celebrate anyone’s anniversary unless it’s a big one and they (we if it’s ours) throw a party

bridgetreilly · 03/09/2018 19:39

If it's a thing you expect every year, and you send cards to your parents on their anniversary, and you've brought your children up to give you cards on your anniversary, then fair enough to be a bit annoyed they all forgot. But out of the blue just because it's 20 years? Nope.

It'll be my parents' 50th in a couple of years and I'll give them something then, probably, and we'll have a family meal I expect. But 20th isn't a big deal like 50th or even 25th.

Jenijena · 03/09/2018 19:39

We were conditioned into making and then buying my parents an anniversary card/gift from a very young age. Once I got married - a date DH and I struggle to remember but fb is good at reminding us - I shut down this silliness. So no, I wouldn’t care.

m0therofdragons · 03/09/2018 19:39

Nope. Dh's family is big on wedding anniversaries but to me it's about Dh and I. My parents had a party for their 25th but they hosted. I don't understand why you'd expect them to remember a date that's significant to you.

Birdsgottafly · 03/09/2018 19:40

If it was a traditional type do, with the Mother of the Bride/Groom playing a role, then you'd expect your parents to remember.

It's a big event in your Children's life, especially if the marriage lasted.

It also depends on if your Mum is the card buying/celebration type.

My Dd goes out for her Anniversary and I babysit, so I can't see me forgetting it, in the future.

Are you, or did you, do anything special, that would have prompted a acknowledgement?

BeefTomato · 03/09/2018 19:41

No I wouldn't be upset. A few of my family members (not close ones) do send us an anniversary card, but I find that a bit much. I don't remember anybody's anniversary and wouldn't expect anyone to mark ours. Obviously a bit different if you have a big anniversary and invite people for a party.

And I say this as someone who loves anniversaries. My DH and I celebrate three - the day we met, the day we got engaged and the day we got married. Our engagement anniversary is today. We're celebrating with prosecco after the kids are in bed Smile

Birdsgottafly · 03/09/2018 19:42

""but fb is good at reminding u""

Are you on FB, OP? Did anything get put up?

MrsChollySawcutt · 03/09/2018 19:43

YABU. I would be upset if my DH forgot but it's not something I'd mentioned to anyone else. Weird to expect congrats from family and friends every year.

WalkingInTheAir13 · 03/09/2018 19:44

We recognise wedding anniversaries in our family. I think when you are a family, and you have attended the wedding, you are part of a support network for the couple. It’s nice to acknowledge the day
this
Also, if you have been to a wedding, it’s a really lovely gesture to acknowledge the couple’s first anniversary. (It’s not that hard to record the date in a diary a year ahead)
Thereafter, it really doesn’t matter.

P0ppyP0wer1 · 03/09/2018 19:47

Only seen celebrations for 25 and 50

Desmondo2016 · 03/09/2018 19:50

I barely remember birthdays let along wedding anniversaries!

puppymouse · 03/09/2018 19:50

Another here who doesn't get acknowledgment from family. My mum doesn't remember the date, my parents never expected anything growing up and it's between husband and wife I think.

FiL always sends us a card. Which is a little unusual. But his and MiL's marriage is in tatters so I think he's just upholding something he values and wishes he still had.

XingMing · 03/09/2018 19:52

D|H only remembers because it's also my birthday. DM usually remembers and sends a card!

OhtheHillsareAlive · 03/09/2018 20:02

In my family, we've never marked wedding anniversaries, unless the couple themselves want to share their celebration. But then, I definitely was not present at my parents' wedding Grin

YABU - a bit emotionally needy or emotional blackmail.

user1andonly · 03/09/2018 20:06

Adult dc, no, wouldn't expect them to remember.

I'd be a bit surprised if my parents forgot as they (well mum) usually send us a card but it wouldn't bother me - she forgot one year and was apologetic but I told her not to worry. I rarely remember theirs unless it's a big one.

However, families are all different and, if yours are a family that usually do mark these occasions and you always remember and mark theirs, then it's understandable you might feel a bit upset/neglected.

Louiselouie0890 · 03/09/2018 20:08

It's not something we have ever done while I was a child. Probably because of this I now just think it's weird if my kids ever did it for me and my husband.

seven201 · 03/09/2018 20:10

Nope!

Jellylover · 03/09/2018 20:18

Well I think I'd be a bit disappointed to be honest. I agree that anniversaries are between two people but it's lovely to send a card to congratulate them on 20 years of marriage.

Teeniemiff · 03/09/2018 20:30

We remember our parents.

I know a lot don’t see the need to celebrate anniversaries with others. I always thought it was nice too just send a card or text (depending on how close).

I think if people celebrate your marriage, this isn’t only on your wedding day.

Aria2015 · 03/09/2018 20:40

I think wedding anniversaries are more for couples no? I do often send 1st year wedding cards for couples whose wedding I attended but I don't send beyond that. I would only be upset if my dh forgot our anniversary (no chance there because I don't let him Wink).

Jux · 03/09/2018 21:32

Not at all upset. Up to me and dh to decide to mark it or not. If we want to mark it then we'll tell people if we want them involved.

Putyourdamnshoeson · 03/09/2018 21:35

No. I'd think that was normal tbh.

Alicatz66 · 03/09/2018 21:50

You are being Mega U !!