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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH is useless at the most basic task?

213 replies

Beaubeagle · 02/09/2018 23:27

Not feeling great earlier so DH offered to go to the supermarket for a few bits we needed. I wrote a very detailed list:

Ham (naice)
Carrots x2 bags
Sausages (at least 18 thick)
Cheap birthday card

DH then rang from the supermarket to check what kind of ham he should buy (I buy the same ham weekly and always have.....) so I described, in detail, the honey roast ham in the black packet.

DH came home with the following:

Cheap, nasty ham in a clear packet
A tiny packet of carrot batons (there are 7 of us at home this weekend for dinner)
2 packets of 8 sausages
A birthday card that cost £3!

Wibu to LTB? He’s bloody hopeless! (I do love him lots though).

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/09/2018 17:02

Oh of course he bloody needs to know, he's their father! I bet he only remembers their birthdays because you remind him and you do all the Christmas shopping too. Does he remember your birthday?

PhilomenaButterfly · 03/09/2018 17:08

I don't remind him about anything. He remembers everyone's birthdays. I do my side's Christmas shopping, he does his. For the DC, I do it with the food shopping. Every week he buys all the meat, fruit and veg from the market, which he writes the list for, because he can carry far more than me and he doesn't have to pay bus fares.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 03/09/2018 17:12

Your refusal to do laundry ( and that's what you've said) is just as bad as numerous posts we've all seen on here where women are saying that their husbands refuse to cook, iron etc because they claim to be not very good at it

In your opinion. Not in mine. I don't do something that I'm shit at, when me doing it costs us time and money. When he does it, we save money and time.
Now, should I save my time and my money, or should I care what some random person on the internet thinks about whether I do laundry or not? Hmm, lets think about that...Hmm

diddl · 03/09/2018 17:14

" I don't do something that I'm shit at, "

How can you be shit at laundry?

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 03/09/2018 17:16

@thewinter I'm not sure you understand how MN works .....if you don't want other people's opinions don't post, ask questions or be forthcoming with information. 😂😂

I'm am curious though.....before you met your DH who did your laundry? And wasn't it incredibly fortuitous that you met someone who likes and is good at it?? Although, last time I checked putting clothes in a washing machine didn't require any actual talent.

SoyDora · 03/09/2018 17:18

I don’t think anyone can be ‘not very good’ at shopping. He even had a list. Come on.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2018 17:20

If I die or get a migraine DH needs to know what to feed the DS, his medicine, his uniform, his school and what class he goes to.
If he dies or he gets a migraine I don't need to know how to operate his computer at work
Because the kids are OURS and the job is HIS.

And at 9 or 10 the concept of school years and how many his kid has done isn't a novel idea. I'm sure he's capable of learning things at work he's needed to know for well over 5 years.

SilverySurfer · 03/09/2018 17:26

I realise we joke on threads like this....

I honestly can't see what's funny. To me these men are pathetic and it depresses me that women put up with this bullshit.

I know the 1950s is the default decade when wanting to portray a time when the men went out to work and the women did all housework and childcare but I suspect few of you were there and it's simply not true. Well, it obviously was for some, same as today but my Dad worked 5.5 to 6 days a week but it didn't stop him washing up, hoovering, prepping food, changing nappies, bathing children, putting them to bed etc and I don't recall uncles and fathers of friends being any different.

diddl · 03/09/2018 17:33

"I don’t think anyone can be ‘not very good’ at shopping. "

It is hard to comprehend, isn't it?

Especially when there's an exact item to get.

I do sometimes find myself dithering whenthe exact item isn't there &I need an alternative.

But how can somemen have so little idea of the stuff they eat?

Do they never look in the fridge/prepare meals/put shopping away?

SilverySurfer · 03/09/2018 17:34

nornironrock I wouldn't bash all men because of course there are fully functioning adult men out there (you appear to be one). I bash the professional incompetents who do everything in their power to fuck up the smallest thing in the hope their partner will become so exasperated that she will never ask him again which means he does nothing and she does everything.

Would you agree these lazy, useless lumps are ok to be bashed?

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 03/09/2018 18:04

@TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup

Useless men may be the product of their upbringing but its not the women's job to fix them. How are useless men even attractive to anyone?!

My DH was raised in a household where jobs were divided along traditional gender lines and it wasn't fair on any of them. He and his DB had no idea how to cook when they left home and he lived on strange stews of his own creation when I first met him.

But, I'm not exactly perfect in every area either Smile so we put up with each other!

KOKOagainandagain · 03/09/2018 18:14

Perhaps some visual aids would help? Use your phone to take photographs of regularly purchased products. These can be printed out and laminated. Start with A4 print outs and a short shopping list. 5 common products is a good start. Simply hole punch the laminated photos and thread string through them. These can be hung around the neck for trips to the supermarket.

Once this stage has been mastered you can reduce the size of the laminated photos to fit in convenient pouches that can be held together with a key-ring and attached to belt or trousers. For extra discretion this check-list can be stored in a pocket.

Development of independent life skills is crucial to self-esteem and well-being.

If your DH is offended by this helpful and logical approach and thinks it is unnecessary but still can't manage simple tasks he is taking the piss.

Thisnamechanger · 03/09/2018 18:17

I find it really sad that your child's dad doesn't know what school year they are in

My Dad didn't even know how old we were!

NotSoThinLizzy · 03/09/2018 18:34

One time my OH went to get baby wipes came back with nappy bags 😂 fair enough looks similar but today he went and bought baby a pair of trousers from charity as baby leaked in his ones. Came back 6-9months ones....baby is 12 months 🙈

RedPanda2 · 03/09/2018 18:48

KeepOnKeepingOn1 LOVE IT

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 03/09/2018 19:50

Jesus, the venom being lumped on the head of op’s Dh for leaving the family dinner table short of two bleeding sausages.
And buying non naice ham. Confused
But the ones where the Dh doesn’t know what school year their kids are in are downright shocking. That’s really spectacularly shit.

SilverySurfer · 03/09/2018 20:27

Perhaps some visual aids would help? Use your phone to take photographs of regularly purchased products. These can be printed out and laminated. Start with A4 print outs and a short shopping list.

I'm assuming this is a joke, at least I hope it is. No doubt they will require the same assistance in their workplace - page 1: how to make a telephone call or how to use a hammer etc?

MeandMoo · 03/09/2018 20:43

Haha I could have written your Post myself...

My Husband always gets it so wrong that I text him a list now, which we read and discuss together before he leaves for the Shop (true story Grin) Yet he STILL gets the wrong items. Nightmare!

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2018 21:05

Meandmoo do you really not think it's deliberate so you stop asking or deliberate cos he doesn't give a damn though? And doesn't that bother you? It isn't cute to care so little that you need coaching through a 5 item list

Hungryagain · 04/09/2018 17:42

My dad used to do this, the shop was literally round the corner from our house & every night he would call from the payphone asking what my mum needed, it usually consisted of fags & chocolate!

Turquoise123 · 04/09/2018 17:48

An adult can't shop ? Really ?

vanillapieandicecream · 04/09/2018 17:50

Oh dear. The fun was sapped out of this lighthearted thread pretty quickly, wasn't it?

Leapfrog44 · 04/09/2018 17:52

Don't fall for that! Its a conspiracy that loads of men are in on. They do simple stuff so badly that women think they are incapable.

BTW you should do some research on how the pigs for you 'naice' ham are raised.

flowergrrl77 · 04/09/2018 18:01

“Can you get a tube of this kind of toothpaste please?”

He gets something else. When asked, this is the kind we have isn’t it? I’ve never even seen a xxxx kind in this house before

Nope.. I go to the sink, hand him the almost empty tube of the kind he somehow NEVER saw before...

Hmmm .....

cricketmum84 · 04/09/2018 18:04

My DH does the most annoying thing when I ask him to pick anything up from the shops:
Me: can you call at Asda on your way home please
DH: yes what do we need?
Me: bread, milk, yoghurt, bottle of wine ~Cos I'll need it by the time you get home and I've been with the kids all day~
DH: ok send me a list
Me 🤦🏼‍♀️