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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH is useless at the most basic task?

213 replies

Beaubeagle · 02/09/2018 23:27

Not feeling great earlier so DH offered to go to the supermarket for a few bits we needed. I wrote a very detailed list:

Ham (naice)
Carrots x2 bags
Sausages (at least 18 thick)
Cheap birthday card

DH then rang from the supermarket to check what kind of ham he should buy (I buy the same ham weekly and always have.....) so I described, in detail, the honey roast ham in the black packet.

DH came home with the following:

Cheap, nasty ham in a clear packet
A tiny packet of carrot batons (there are 7 of us at home this weekend for dinner)
2 packets of 8 sausages
A birthday card that cost £3!

Wibu to LTB? He’s bloody hopeless! (I do love him lots though).

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/09/2018 09:49

Why isn’t there a “bashing your head against a brick wall” emoticon? On what planet is it OK for a man not to know what school year his child is in?

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 03/09/2018 09:52

@philomena why is that funny? It’s a disgrace that he doesn’t know what year of school his child is in.

Bumpitybumper · 03/09/2018 09:58

Of course any adult (or older child 8) assuming no SEN could follow a detailed shopping list like the OP's, so for whatever reason your DH has either chosen to disregard what you've written on the list or decided that he wouldn't even bother checking the list properly. I would be absolutely fuming and find it incredibly disrespectful that he would offer to do a job and then make such a mess of it.

I do agree with PPs though that women are enabling men's incompetence by taking charge of these kinds of tasks. If he was responsible for cooking the meals then he would have known full well that the items he had picked up were unsuitable even without a list. The fact he made the mistakes he did makes me think he literally has no idea about what is involved in regards to feeding his family which is rather pathetic indeed.

Zintox · 03/09/2018 10:03

My DH used to do stuff like this. I sent him back to the shop every single time to sort it out.

He doesn't do it any more. Strange isn't it?

Therealjudgejudy · 03/09/2018 10:10

The women who put up with this shit are quite frankly as pathetic as the men that do this nonsense

Loyaultemelie · 03/09/2018 10:14

My dh isn't too bad at shopping if it doesn't involve sugar. Send him for any kind of sugar (including normal granulated for his cereal and he arrives with royal icing sugar Confused
He also lived just him and Fil when mil passed and cooked food for them both then alone for a year after fil passed before I moved in but can't seem to cook a meal if I'm ill not involving potatoes done in the deep fat fryer

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2018 10:17

“can't seem to cook a meal if I'm ill not involving potatoes done in the deep fat fryer”

What happens if he’s asked to take on a new responsibility at work?

What happens if he wants to take up a new sport?

SoyDora · 03/09/2018 10:18

Bloody hell. I couldn’t deal with this level of incompetence from an adult.
I’ve never written DH a shopping list, why would I? He knows how many people are in our family, and is perfectly capable of opening the fridge/cupboards to see what we need. Occasionally if he’s going shopping I’ll say something like ‘can you pick me up a melon as I fancy it today’ but otherwise leave him to it.
All those who say your DH’s are similar, do they hold down jobs?

GoldenWonderwall · 03/09/2018 10:21

Ooh men, what they like? They’re so much better than us at paid work and the tasks that society decides are worth praise and respect but try to get them to buy a pack of ham and it all goes to pot! He hee! Isn’t it hilarious?

C8H10N4O2 · 03/09/2018 10:33

Only form adult relationships with other adults.

Every female child should be taught to recite this as their first words and repeat them every day. We enable far too much childlike behaviour in grown men.

russiandwarf · 03/09/2018 10:38

Sorry but that picture of the leftover ham is so ridiculous it’s hilarious 😂 I really needed a laugh this morning so thanks for sharing that Op!

AnEPleaseBob · 03/09/2018 10:43

If you can afford posh ham you can afford a £3 birthday card

Stupid logic. I can afford decent (not posh, thats not the point, its just better quality) because I don't waste 3 quid on a card when there is a 50p one that does the same job. Don't you know how budgeting works.

I think some people are going over board about this issue. My DH isn't great at the shopping, but thats simply because I usually do it and he doesn't know exactly what we have or where it is or any of that, and he doesn't really care much about brands or quality. But I have no doubt that if he had to suddenly take it over and do it all he'd do it perfectly well enough, he's a grown adult with a brain.

Equally there are plenty of things he is much better at than I am, and he wouldn't be as nasty and mean about me not being as good at it as he is as many of you are on here about this Hmm

lottiegarbanzo · 03/09/2018 10:45

And would you do such a deliberately shit job of it AnE or would you check what was meant, think a bit about what it's for, double-check if necessary and bring back the right thing?

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2018 10:47

"Equally there are plenty of things he is much better at than I am, and he wouldn't be as nasty and mean about me not being as good at it as he is as many of you are on here about this"
Are any of them the day to day work of running a house and looking after children and keeping everyone clean and fed and at the right place at the right time?

Baumederose · 03/09/2018 10:49

he doesn't know exactly what we have or where it is or any of that, and he doesn't really care much about brands or quality.

Why not? Why doesn't he know?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 03/09/2018 10:52

I rang my DH and asked him to take towels out of the washer and put them in tumble dryer on Cotton program.
Got home expecting nice dry towels.
But he'd done EXACTLY as I had asked, just not actually turned yhe dryer on.
He seemed genuinely surprised that they weren't dry.

He suggested I write down instructions for future reference, or even make a YouTube video!

SoyDora · 03/09/2018 11:02

Equally there are plenty of things he is much better at than I am, and he wouldn't be as nasty and mean about me not being as good at it as he is as many of you are on here about this

DH is a better cook than me. He’s not ‘nasty’ and ‘mean’ about me not being as good at it because I, as a competent adult, can still muster up an adequate, decent tasting meal. Just as i expect him to have basic standards of competency in the tasks he’s not so good at.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2018 11:07

I always wonder how these relationships started.

Did he used to be able to do shopping, read a list, care about you having something nice too. Or was it just several years of honeymooning "I'll do all the women's work darling" then kids came along, you asked for help and realised he's no use??

When DH and I moved in together we'd both been living alone so I knew he could cook. We have different ideas of what constitutes proper food and I enjoy cooking more than him. So I cook more than him. But he can and does cook. He can cook if I don't want to or can't. Or if I died or got ill. He can follow a shopping list if I wanted him to. He could buy sanitary towels if I wanted him to. He can get stuff DC needs. He knows if we run out of something where the shop is. And I knew he knew all this before we had a family together or got married.

It's like fathers who apparently have no idea how to look after their kids. Unless they have a medical or learning issue, it is just them beigg unwilling to do "women" worm

PhilomenaButterfly · 03/09/2018 11:09

Bertrand and Blaa he's getting older (60s) and his memory's definitely going, I think he also got confused because I took secondary school tours in March.

To be fair, I forget things I don't have to remember as well! 😂

JellyBaby666 · 03/09/2018 11:13

These threads make me exceptionally thankful for my wonderful DP, who is capable of not only following the shopping list but writing it too! I despair of these threads where I think we're meant to find infantalised men funny? Hell no, my mum did that for my Dad (he was the dad who asked me how old I was once, and never bought my school uniform!) and I sure as heck won't be replicating that relationship. We're adults, I'm not teaching a bloke a bloody life lesson on how to shop for food!

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 03/09/2018 11:18

When DH annoys me I read these kind of threads to remind myself that, actually, I chose pretty well. He can make decisions about food and other household items that benefit the family, he can cook and clean. He knows and regularly does the washing and can parent our daughter without a whole lot of faff or prep from me. I've never had to batch cook for them if I'm going out for example.

Useless men may be the product of their upbringing but its not the women's job to fix them. How are useless men even attractive to anyone?!

Neshoma · 03/09/2018 11:40

I remember a poster sending her Dh for loo rolls and he came back with 100 bread rolls (not sure this is true, but it's funny).

My DH is getting better at cooking, but will always start to think about a meal at 5pm, when everyones starving and all the food is in the freezer.

I've tried explaining it's easier to 'think' of a meal in the morning so you have time to get the food out the freezer, check you have everything or it hasn't gone off.

So what happens is I think of a meal, I check we have everything, I will chop/marinade/prepare the ingredients. DH will cook the food, then I wash up 'coz DH cooked Hmm

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2018 12:45

So it's now OK for men not to know what school year their child is in if they are over 60?
[bashing head against a brick wall emoticon]

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2018 12:48

"I remember a poster sending her Dh for loo rolls and he came back with 100 bread rolls (not sure this is true, but it's funny)."

OK, I give up. I'm a humourless feminist. But honestly- I am so depressed at the lowness of the bar men have to get over to be considered functional human beings. I actually think much more highly of men than that, and I have frequently been called a man hater.......

RedPanda2 · 03/09/2018 12:48

Can he breath on his own or do you do that too? The bar for men is so low. If he lived on his own he would be able to shop.