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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH is useless at the most basic task?

213 replies

Beaubeagle · 02/09/2018 23:27

Not feeling great earlier so DH offered to go to the supermarket for a few bits we needed. I wrote a very detailed list:

Ham (naice)
Carrots x2 bags
Sausages (at least 18 thick)
Cheap birthday card

DH then rang from the supermarket to check what kind of ham he should buy (I buy the same ham weekly and always have.....) so I described, in detail, the honey roast ham in the black packet.

DH came home with the following:

Cheap, nasty ham in a clear packet
A tiny packet of carrot batons (there are 7 of us at home this weekend for dinner)
2 packets of 8 sausages
A birthday card that cost £3!

Wibu to LTB? He’s bloody hopeless! (I do love him lots though).

OP posts:
BlaaBlaaBlaa · 03/09/2018 12:50

My 70 year old fil knows what year of school all 8 of his grandchildren are in.
There's forgetfulness and there's 'can't be arsed cos it's not my responsibility'

SoyDora · 03/09/2018 12:55

My dad knows what school/class/teacher my DD has, and what pre school DD2 goes to and who her key worker is. He’s over 60 and has a absolutely no reason to know this information, he’s just interested and asks them questions.

toomuchtooold · 03/09/2018 12:56

I can see what he's done with the ham - he's cut it to fit the bread. He's not an engineer, carpenter or similar is he?

No, he's a bloody numpty.

Anyway all engineers know that the way to cut sandwich ham is crosswise and then turn the corners out to the corner of the sandwich

AlmaGeddon · 03/09/2018 13:01

Hahaha, oh he is a one! I would tell him you are not cooking this crap and he can go out and get fish and chips for everyone, lazy git.

AnEPleaseBob · 03/09/2018 13:03

I really hope there is nothing at all any of you are bad at that your spouse is better at, because if they were as vile to you about it as you are being here, you'd be crying how abusive he is.

Hmm
Baumederose · 03/09/2018 13:05

Oh bob, just because you got shafted with a dud don't get arsey when thats pointed out

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 03/09/2018 13:06

I think I'd deserve my DH bring mean to me if I couldn't manage the simple task of shopping 🙄

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 03/09/2018 13:07

*being

AnEPleaseBob · 03/09/2018 13:07

Oh bob, just because you got shafted with a dud don't get arsey when thats pointed out

Way to both miss the point AND be a dick. It's my spouse that's the dud here.
I feel sorry for yours.Vipers is right, vile judgemental vipers.

AnEPleaseBob · 03/09/2018 13:09

I think I'd deserve my DH bring mean to me if I couldn't manage the simple task of shopping

You bring home a different ham to the one he wanted and youd deserv being called a fucking moron, a lazy stupid bastard, an incompetent child? You think? All comments made on this thread for the terrible of crime of bringing the "wrong" ham home Hmm

That's called domestic abuse.

Baumederose · 03/09/2018 13:09

It's my spouse that's the dud here.

Absolutely! Grin

AlmaGeddon · 03/09/2018 13:12

The heading is To think my DH is useless at the most basic task?
So I doubt she is starting a thread about one failure!

CandidaAlbicans · 03/09/2018 13:13

My DH is getting better at cooking, but will always start to think about a meal at 5pm, when everyones starving and all the food is in the freezer

The way I see it is this is something that should only happen once or twice, not regularly. Doesn't he think "oh shit, everyone's hungry but all the food is frozen. I should have taken it out this morning to thaw"? If not, I wonder why the penny doesn't drop. Not trying to be goady BTW, just genuinely interested why some men are like this.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 03/09/2018 13:14

Your message is offensive to actual victims of domestic abuse. Wind your neck in on that one.

Read the post - he's clearly an imbecile or pretending to be one so he doesn't have to go shopping again. It's not what he did or didn't buy it's the sentiment behind it.

IWishIHadEvenMorePlasticTat · 03/09/2018 13:17

This thread is so bleak.

Plumsofwrath · 03/09/2018 13:27

I don’t see this as a feminist issue at all.

I can’t do most DIY jobs anywhere near as quickly and neatly or cost-efficiently as my DH can. I can’t do anything with the car except drive it, and put petrol in it. I don’t do our tax returns because I hate doing it and I’m crap with maths. I’m done with researching and booking holidays. I could do all of these if I had to or chose to, but I don’t. My DH does all this.

It’s the other way round for food shopping, cooking, seeing kids neat and tidy and where they should be each day with all they need. He could do a close enough approximation of how I do these things, just not as quickly or efficiently as me. He doesn’t like to do them and chooses not to. I do them.

I manage our finances. DH takes DD to dance class. I take DS to football. I always drive the family around. DH does the hand washing.

It’s just a division of labour. It’s not a man vs woman thing.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 03/09/2018 13:28

Your message is offensive to actual victims of domestic abuse. Wind your neck in on that one

If somebody was actually being told those things for getting the shopping wrong, they would be an actual victim of domestic abuse though, wouldn't they?

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 03/09/2018 13:30

Doesn't he think "oh shit, everyone's hungry but all the food is frozen. I should have taken it out this morning to thaw"? If not, I wonder why the penny doesn't drop. Not trying to be goady BTW, just genuinely interested why some men are like this

I'm like that, and last I checked I'm not a man. For me its because I hate cooking every single day for the ungrateful wretches, and I think my brain ignores the fact that I have to do it yet again.
Plus that is what microwaves are for, they have a defrost function, or you can cook from frozen in an instant pot, so its not really an issue anyway.
It's not a man thing though, just like the shopping. It's a person thing.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 03/09/2018 13:37

Well yes, but that poster is being deliberately obtuse and goady by throwing DV/A as a way of justifying some men's reluctance to engage in basic life skills.

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2018 13:37

AnEPlease-I think you might be missing the point just a tad....

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 03/09/2018 13:39

Seemed more of a comment about the responses of the other posters to me, but ok.

Is it ok when women are reluctant to engage in some basic life skills? I can't change a tire or restring a guitar and I really suck at laundry. Is that allowable?

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 03/09/2018 13:52

No. That's not right either. We all have jobs we don't like but as fully functioning adults we need to learn how to take responsibility.

It doesn't mean never helping each other out but outright refusal to learn a life skill isn't acceptable regardless of gender.

I can't change a tyre ( for most cars now it's virtually impossible by hand anyway) but I have roadside assistance in place , I know where to go to get my tyres changed, car serviced etc and can change oil, check tyre pressure etc. I don't particularly like it but I own a car and with that car comes responsibility.

The same can be said for a house and children. There are jobs that are essential for both and everyone who has a stake or responsibility should step up and be involved.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2018 14:00

I really hope there is nothing at all any of you are bad at that your spouse is better at, because if they were as vile to you about it as you are being here, you'd be crying how abusive he is
Give over. Not being able to follow a 5 item shopping list unless there's learning issues isn't about being good at bad, it IS about being lazy or deliberately crap.

I can't change a tire or restring a guitar and I really suck at laundry. Is that allowable?
If your kids never had clean clothes because you couldn't be bothered, or if DP left precise instruction - put all pale clothes in on programme B and you threw in some red socks and put it on programme T I'd assume you too were doing it to avoid ever being left as responsible adult again too so no.

If OP was stropping because she asked for Toad in the Hole with braised carrots on the side and DP had never cooked it and had no recipe then she would bu.

Bumpitybumper · 03/09/2018 14:07

Why are so many women desperately trying to make excuses for these useless men? It's normal to assign jobs based on who is best or most interested in a particular task but that shouldn't mean that the other person isn't capable of following basic instructions related to the task or just using their common sense. OP's example and lots of the others on this thread aren't examples of someone trying their best and not being able to master a difficult skill, they're examples of someone either deliberately making a mess of a simple task or being so careless/inept that they have completely messed up. Either way it's completely unacceptable and men shouldn't be indulged in this pretence that they just can't get their head around a shopping list Hmm

LemonysSnicket · 03/09/2018 14:16

My DP also calls for help and when I've sent him with our friends to get things for the bbq (one male one female) they STILL CALL ME.

I have to give them precise instructions on where to find the thing I need - that is me, a human at home, giving directions for 3 adults in their local supermarket to find bloody ketchup.

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