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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was DH unreasonable to dd's friend?

300 replies

upsideup · 02/09/2018 20:57

DH took 11 year old dd and 2 of her friends skateboarding to day. He is a coach but this wasn't a lesson, just him taking dd and her friends out so supposed to be fun.
DH took all equipment to lend dd's friend which including board, helmet, knee pads, elbow pads and wrist guards. One girl refused to wear this, said she would be fine and her mum wouldn't mind, Dh told her to go back to the car then where she sent her mum a text who replied saying that's fine, as long as shes careful. DH still said no and sent her back to the car and let dd and her other friend skate for about an hour then took them all home.

Personally I wouldn't have done this because it feels too mean so would have taken her home first or let her do a bit on the flat with her mums permission. I get why DH did this though and its what I would have expected him to do but I do think he should have at least asked her to sit down with near her friends rather than send her back to the car on her own and have told him this.

I (not DH) have had a text from the girls parents saying dd has been in tears all evening from today, shes really upset with DH and dd (who I think just didn't say or do anything).

So do you think DH (and dd) were unreasonable and should apologise?

OP posts:
WinnieFosterTether · 02/09/2018 23:03

Mousse I don't think anyone is defending the child's behaviour. But a few of us are questioning the way the DH dealt with it.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 02/09/2018 23:04

BoomBoomsCousin do you not think it's extremely bratty to refuse to wear safety equipment and that everyone having to give up an activity because of this behaviour is basically the friend manipulating the situation to her own advantage.

AjasLipstick · 02/09/2018 23:04

My nephew ended up with brain damage aged 12 due to falling off his bike whilst riding down the street with his mate.

So your DH was right. My nephew is ok now....back in school and all that but he had to have a horrible operation and there have been some effects on him. His hearing for one and his temper has also unravelled somewhat.

Ohyesiam · 02/09/2018 23:06

He can’t put himself on the situation of people saying”
a girl got injured on his watch and she wasn’t even wearing a helmet, he’s a coach, what was he thinking? “
I’d just reply saying you were not present, and that your dh will contact them. He can explain his reasoning and clear your dds name.

ReanimatedSGB · 02/09/2018 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 02/09/2018 23:13

The OP herself has said that she would have let the kid skate without the protective gear - and she’s married to a skate coach!

The thing is the mother had given permission so for the OP that would have been enough to protect her legally but as her DH is a trained coach he would be risking his career and he is also probably more aware of the risks than the OP.

The people who are saying they would complain do you complain to the school every time your DC gets a detention? Newsflash- you are the reason they are getting into these situations. Teach your children to respect rules don't teach them that the rules don't apply to them.

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2018 23:13

My dd’s a riding instructor. How would you feel if she let your child ride without a hat?

DontMakeMeShushYou · 02/09/2018 23:13

At this point (the activity is over; your DH did what he did) I'd be viewing the entire incident through the prism of how it's going to affect your DD and her friendship.
It was supposed to be a fun day for the DCs. It definitely wasn't fun for the friend and I doubt the fall-out is going to be fun for your DD.

Seriously?
If the friend is such a bitch that there will be 'fall-out' for the DD from this incident, then the DD turning herself into a doormat and apologising for her father's perfectly reasonable behaviour won't stop that.

FrancisCrawford · 02/09/2018 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ashtrayheart · 02/09/2018 23:18

Out of interest did the girl say why she wouldn't wear the gear?

Reply is good but I would get DH to send it and adjust accordingly.

FrancisCrawford · 02/09/2018 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pissedoffdotcom · 02/09/2018 23:19

Reanimated kids teach themselves how to do a lot of things. When they want to do things right to a high level they get a coach. Hope nobody implies you have a shitty job & need to look cool

Beeziekn33ze · 02/09/2018 23:20

I doubt the mother would have told her DD to ignore safety advice for climbing or kayaking. The entitled DD has probably learned a helpful life lesson today.

Branleuse · 02/09/2018 23:23

Depends how he said it. Other peoples dads can be terrifying

luciadilammamor · 02/09/2018 23:23

I can understand DH refusing to let the girl skateboard without the safety equipment, but I cannot see why he did not let her watch? It was meant to be a fun, social event.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 02/09/2018 23:24

If she was terrified I doubt she would have refused his instructions.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 02/09/2018 23:24

luciadilammamor the OP has explained why

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2018 23:29

If other people’s dads are terrifying she would have put the bloody knee pads on when he told her to!

NasdaqYouTwat · 02/09/2018 23:31

Well, he's an officious, bullying prick, isn't he? 'Skateboarding coach'? FFS. Kids teach themselves to skateboard. I assume that he's got some really dull day job and so calling himself a skateboarding coach is a way to make himself look cool.

Such twatty nonsense

ilovesooty · 02/09/2018 23:33

I wouldn't use the word sorry in your reply or suggest that she might participate on a future occasion.

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2018 23:34

“Well, he's an officious, bullying prick, isn't he?”

Would you say the same about my dad, if she refused to allow a child to get on a horse without a riding hat?

Or my dp, if he refused to allow a Scout into a boat without a life jacket?

BoomBoomsCousin · 02/09/2018 23:36

garethsouthgatesmrs

I do think the most likely explanation for why the friend wouldn't wear the safety equipment is that she was being a bratty 11 yr old, yes. I don't think that's the point. She isn't my (or in this case, the OP's DH's) daughter. It isn't up to us to correct her attitude. It's rude to ignore a guest for an hour while you have fun and I would not teach my children that that was OK, even if the friend was being bratty and manipulative unless it was totally unreasonable to do otherwise. This is especially true since the friend isn't old enough to just sort herself out and head home or the like, she was stuck with the others just as they were stuck with her. If I couldn't find something everyone wanted to do, I would probably take her home. I would be unlikely to agree to host the child again in the near future and if I thought she was trying to manipulate the situation the way you suggest I would have a word with my DC about why they are friends with someone who acts that way. But I don't think that's an excuse to be a bad host when you have invited them out.

I'm not saying the child's behaviour was OK. If my DDs came home saying they'd refused to wear the safety equipment and been relegated to the car I would tell them they should have done as the adult responsible asked and I wouldn't be texting the OP implying they'd treated her badly (of course, we don't what the child has actually told her mother). But as the host, I think the onus is on you to bend to your guests for the most part (and not invite the awkward buggers out again).

BadLad · 02/09/2018 23:40

Would you say the same about my dad, if she refused to allow a child to get on a horse without a riding hat?

She has to be as edgey as she possibly can every time she posts, so yes, she probably would.

Sometimes it's such utter bollocks that it's quite funny, as is the case on this thread. Sometimes it's actually quite dangerous advice, like once when she posted something along the lines of people disapproving of drink drivers should get a life.

luciadilammamor · 02/09/2018 23:43

upsideup Why does your DD need to apologise? I do not understand what your DD did wrong here?

luciadilammamor · 02/09/2018 23:47

garethsouthgates the OP has explained why Not really. He sent her back to the car to phone her mum, which she did, but he did not need to send her back there. He could have said "well, no pads, no skateboarding. you can sit and watch instead."

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