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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was DH unreasonable to dd's friend?

300 replies

upsideup · 02/09/2018 20:57

DH took 11 year old dd and 2 of her friends skateboarding to day. He is a coach but this wasn't a lesson, just him taking dd and her friends out so supposed to be fun.
DH took all equipment to lend dd's friend which including board, helmet, knee pads, elbow pads and wrist guards. One girl refused to wear this, said she would be fine and her mum wouldn't mind, Dh told her to go back to the car then where she sent her mum a text who replied saying that's fine, as long as shes careful. DH still said no and sent her back to the car and let dd and her other friend skate for about an hour then took them all home.

Personally I wouldn't have done this because it feels too mean so would have taken her home first or let her do a bit on the flat with her mums permission. I get why DH did this though and its what I would have expected him to do but I do think he should have at least asked her to sit down with near her friends rather than send her back to the car on her own and have told him this.

I (not DH) have had a text from the girls parents saying dd has been in tears all evening from today, shes really upset with DH and dd (who I think just didn't say or do anything).

So do you think DH (and dd) were unreasonable and should apologise?

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 03/09/2018 00:54

MissLingoss they all get consideration, which was why I said they should see if they can come up with something they would all enjoy and if not take the one who won’t participate home.

It’s skateboarding. Not the trip of a lifetime they’ll never get to do again or an expensive theme park they’d lose lots of money leaving. They can always do it another day when the annoying friend isn’t with them.

WiddlinDiddlin · 03/09/2018 00:57

Seems reasonable to me - he's in charge, his rules.

As for the hoo-ha over sitting in the car, reasonable - I think a lot of you saying this is mean or harsh have NO idea what a skate park CAN be like.

There may well not BE anywhere safe to 'sit at the side'.

For kids actively taking part, watching whats going on and wearing protective gear the risks are minimal.

A kid sat 'at the side'... almost certainly NOT watching, not wearing protective gear, engaged in her phone more than likely... high risk of a skateboard to the head or face.

Sitting in the car would be far safer and far more comfortable.

Hertha · 03/09/2018 01:01

These kids weren't training for the olympics, they were supposed to be having a fun outing. But Mr Attention-Seeker had to show off and spoil it by throwing his weight about. Because he's a skateboarding coach and not just a saddo trying to reclaim his lost youth.
The only attention seeker here is the one I’m responding to.

Imagine not being able to get your head around the concept of a skateboarding coach ffs.

notangelinajolie · 03/09/2018 01:04

His call. He was in charge. Child should not have dictated rules. However why didn't he speak to parent?

RebelRogue · 03/09/2018 01:11

If I was the mum I would've been furious...with DD for being a total brat and not listening to a grown up that 1.knows what he's doing and 2.was trying to keep her safe.

nokidshere · 03/09/2018 01:19

It should have been dealt with before they went. I had a rule, when my children were younger, that no-one at my home was allowed to be on wheels of any kind without helmets and/or other safety gear, but I always made sure that it was made clear to them and their parents beforehand. No helmets, no bikes, end of story, regardless of what they did at home. I kept spare stuff for anyone who didn't have their own.

pastaandpestoagain · 03/09/2018 01:19

He was the adult in charge, she was being a numpty.

SummerIsEasy · 03/09/2018 01:29

In future I guess DH should simply deliver any child who was not prepared to comply with use of safety equipment provided back home to their parents and let the parents cope with the tantrum.

NoFucksImAQueen · 03/09/2018 01:36

that's a very reasonable reply, I hope the mum is just as reasonable when she replies again.

CommanderDaisy · 03/09/2018 01:56

Your DH did nothing wrong.
No one needs to apologise except for the child who refused to wear the protective gear, and her mother for backing that decision up.
He perhaps should've spoken to the mother about her daughters refusal to behave at the time, but other than that - nope he's not in the wrong at all. He was supervising other kids, and being safe and responsible.
By putting her in the car, he could concentrate on the other children without worrying about a child who obviously won't do as they are told.

TittyFahLaEtcetera · 03/09/2018 01:57

Totally agree with your DH on this on OP. I'm lucky enough to have a safety conscious DS. He does 2 similar activities, also usually practised in skateparks, coached, and PPE is required. At one session, DS took a nasty tumble, rolled on his hand and broke a thumb. He was in full PPE and we were glad that after a week in a sling and 2 weeks with a thumb spike he was fine. Another child at the same session, in the bare minimum of PPE (basically only a helmet), also fell and broke their wrist - out of action for the next 8 weeks.

It actually reinforced to DS why the gear is necessary.

We're lucky that at out local skate park there is a galley that observers can climb up and observe from. Other parks we've visited there are no benches or observation areas, so it's safer to stand outside the chain link fencing to watch. If you get there early enough you can get one of the coveted parking spots next to the fence and observe your little daredevil from the warmth and comfort of your car, preferably with coffee! Grin So I totally understand why sending them to the car is the sensible option at your park.

Don't apologise in your text, except perhaps to do the passive-aggressive "I'm sorry you feel that way" non apology. Halo Perhaps it would be better coming from your DH, but as long as you back him it won't make any difference to the other Mum. There seems to be avoidance on all sides here - friend tried to circumvent rules by calling her Mum, Mum didnt ask to speak to DH nor he her and now Mum is contacting you for an apology, rather than DH. I can see where the child gets it from tbh!

How does your DD feel about her friend now? Has it soured things at all? If there were 2 children willing to play by the rules then I disagree with PPs who say that the activity should have been cut short. Being a good host means the majority are enjoying themselves, in this case, they were. Although if one is playing up they should always understand there is a third option which is you will call their Mum to come and take them home - I remember my DM offering that choice to a frenemy at one of my birthday parties who was being a madam and spoiling things for everyone else - she didn't get invited again, by my choice!

Bleedingblood · 03/09/2018 02:06

Skateboarding COACH??? Wow

I have never seen 11 year olds wearing protective gear in the skate parks in my life. I think your DH was a dickhead

Hertha · 03/09/2018 02:55

a COACH? For a SPORT? Whatever next.

A lot of skateparks make helmets compulsory, it’s hardly unusual. It’s entirely sensible.

Beansonapost · 03/09/2018 03:05

NO.

SalemBlackCat · 03/09/2018 03:57

Your husband was sensible and imo handled it the correct way. He was not unreasonable at all. Kudos to him for being a caring and responsible parent not willing to cave in. I think the text you are going to send is 100% perfect.

chardonm · 03/09/2018 04:15

Crying all evening at 11 years old! Maybe the girl needs to learn a little resilience.

Aridane · 03/09/2018 04:28

To the posters saying it would have been dangerous for DD’s friend to sit anywhere but in the car, OP says husband would have been fine with her sitting outside watching. He just didn’t want to carry on arguing so sent her to sit it out in the car

Bleedingblood · 03/09/2018 05:11

hertha HOW do skate parks make helmets compulsory???

They are entirely public spaces, council parks, diy etc. Unless we are talking some weird new breed of pay to use skate park, that exists some where??

marylou1977 · 03/09/2018 05:44

@Reanimated SGB. Just what is your problem?? You really are acting like quite a twat.

Stressedoutmamma · 03/09/2018 06:03

I applaud your dh for caring and following through and I'm shocked with her child's mother for complaining. Its safety first

Cherrysherbet · 03/09/2018 06:13

The girl sounds like a brat. The Mum should have backed your Dh, and told her to wear the gear.

AlexaAmbidextra · 03/09/2018 06:14

I’m just surprised that nobody has posted saying the child may have a sensory disorder so would be distressed by knee pads and head protection. 🙄

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/09/2018 07:00

ReanimatedSGB

Have you been hacked?

Singlenotsingle · 03/09/2018 07:04

Alexa in which case the child shouldn't have been allowed to go in the first place. It's too dangerous.

Sirzy · 03/09/2018 07:06

If that had bed the case alexa then the parents should babe spoken to the father before agreeing to her going to explain.

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