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Original poster

To be hurt and humiliated that I did not receive a farewell gift from colleagues

193 replies

flippyfloppyflower · 02/09/2018 16:06

Just that really. Left my old post on Friday for a new post starting on Monday and I received nothing from my old colleagues. I wasn't expecting a party but a card and a small token would have been appreciated.
I know this is a first world problem and I shouldn't let it get to me but it has. I also realise that they don't have to so anything but I always thought it was nice to be nice (which they weren't obviously Smile)

OP posts:
Poppyinagreenfield · 02/09/2018 17:01

The only person that is humiliating you and hurting you is you.

Two fingers to the lot of them.

Buy yourself a leaving present, card, chocolates, presseco and have fun.

Kemer2018 · 02/09/2018 17:01

It does hurt, it's not your fault and you will soon put it behind you. Good luck with your new job x c

youarenotkiddingme · 02/09/2018 17:06

I understand why you feel that way.

In my place of work there's about 40 employees. There's a definite obvious thing of who is liked the most by the amount collections get. But we are told 50p max for off sick flowers and £1 for leaving/b days.
I've put in less or more dependent on my feelings towards person . But is anon and an envelope just goes around departments and each department ticks printed list on front when it's been to them and they pass it on.

But I think people should always get a card and flowers at least because they've provided something towards the place of work.

Strippervicar · 02/09/2018 17:07

I've never had anything either, op. Big birthday, mat leave, leaving all passed without mention.

Apart from one job where a director asked my OH who was also on the management team whether I liked vodka at 2pm on my last day. He went and bought a litre bottle and a card. Card went round and the whole office drew dicks and wrote insults. The fuckers actually presented it to me along with the vodka. I could have cried. Card went in the bin on leaving the office.

You're better than any shit gift they could cobble up and have fun in your new job.

greathat · 02/09/2018 17:08

I've been in a similar situation. Having been at work place for about 12 years, donating to loads of leaving presents then I got some crap gift that must have cost a tenner max. I was bloody glad to be leaving. I didn't even get a leaving speech that everyone else got. Looking back I wish I'd gone for constructive dismissal- not due to that but to other things going on. It was such a toxic environment, just be glad you're out! Things can only get better

Babyroobs · 02/09/2018 17:08

If its any consolation, I left my job in march and didn't get anything at the time. I had worked there for14 years. A few weeks ago I returned to do a couple of bank shifts there and was given a card and a plastic flower, 4 months after I had left. the card didn't even say 'sorry you're leaving or anything like that and had a few names printed in it, no personalised messages. My colleagues told me that there had been a different card with personalised messages on but that had clearly been lost in the four month period between leaving and being given the replacement card. Yes I was gutted and you are definitely not being unreasonable to be upset.

ilovesooty · 02/09/2018 17:13

Deliphant I retired on health grounds but I wasn't leaving quietly. My colleague who was collecting for me was pressurised into returning people's contributions or so I was told.

harshbuttrue1980 · 02/09/2018 17:21

I don't think Dilemma is being horrible when she says you might not have been liked in that workplace. I worked in one school where I just didn't gel with my department, so I avoided social events etc. When I left I just got a card and no present. They weren't horrible and I'm not horrible, we just didn't gel. They were the sort of people who wanted work to be an extension of social life, whereas I'm more reserved so I found them too full-on and they probably thought I was snooty.

These things happen, OP. In the school after that, I was really well-liked and got a pair of £90 Ugg boots that I had wanted. Its swings and roundabouts. If they didn't like you, so what???

PuppyMonkey · 02/09/2018 17:34

If it’s any consolation OP, I left my last job during a round of redundancies, where people were being called into the office and coming out, packing their stuff and leaving. That’s how I left after ten years. Ah well.

Hepzibar · 02/09/2018 17:40

I detest this collection/card/ flowers/present thing. I would never instigate this but I would put in and sign for my own team. What I won't to is put in to a collection and sign a card for someone in another team, I am completely mystified by these whole company collections.

I am also intrigued as to why people go hawking around other teams and areas when they don't reciprocate. Bizarre behaviour.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 02/09/2018 18:12

I got a card and a present which the receptionist gave to me on her own, no input from anyone else despite having been there six years and then got invited to a leaving do in the pub where most of them sat huddled round a table together clearly discussing something far more important. I went home early and all I got was oh we’d chipped in for a taxi for you. Right. Thanks. Hmm

Was quite hurt actually. Got on quite well with most people. Just wasn’t that interesting obviously.

SerenDippitty · 02/09/2018 18:22

That sucks OP. Good job you are out of there.

ChiaraRimini · 02/09/2018 18:29

That's really shit OP. I would never let one of my team leave without a good sendoff, card, thoughtful present (I bump up the collection if needed)! and embarrassing speech by me. I think it's a basic duty of a line manager to give people a decent send off, (even if sometimes I've been quite relieved they have been going...)

Needahairbrush · 02/09/2018 18:39

That’s rubbish. Leave them behind without a second thought - onwards & upwards. Have some online flowers from me Flowers

DuchessThingy · 02/09/2018 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeanutButterLips · 02/09/2018 18:56

My dad left his job recently after 22 years and didn't receive a thing. He shook all the hands of the blokes on shift because he's like that.
Where my mum works a lady was leaving and she had a leaving meal, gifts off everyone and drinks round a colleagues beautiful house, a really good send off.
I suppose it can be very different in different jobs.
I left a job after two years and had a card full of comments from the people I work with, a gift card and chocolates.

Chipotlejars · 02/09/2018 19:02

Puppymonkey that's awful!

I had a similar experience after 8 years. (Different job to the one posted below.)

Loads of us were made redundant at one time and the stranger brought in to do the deed, having told me my job no longer existed, then said "could you please send Chipotlejars in next please." Couldn't even be bothered to get our names right! Angry

And they did it last thing on a Friday night before a bank holiday weekend which I know is often how it's done but pretty shoddy if you ask me.

HairyAntoinette · 02/09/2018 19:06

I left after 15 years (voluntary redundancy). I got a £50 voucher for Harvey nicks. Given to me by my manager and his senior. I don't know if it was petty cash or from their own pockets... But all three of us were pretty embarrassed.

Last laugh's on me though. I spent my money on an amazing holiday, 5k worth of my favourite hobby and a gazillion other bits. Those arseholes who bullied me for 13 of those 15 years slowly got let go with a miserable package or worse... Are still there.

WhoWants2Know · 02/09/2018 19:09

OP, what did they say when you said goodbye?

VanillaBeans · 02/09/2018 19:11

Awh I’m sorry you’re sad OP :(

I’ve had left 2 different jobs (one to start my current, one mat leave) and both times I’ve been made a huge fuss of. But I really thing it’s just because I’ve got on with the people I worked with.

If I leave this time I really don’t expect much - the teams have changed so much and now I’m older and have a family I keep myself to myself much more. I haven’t changed, I’m still the same (lovely Grin) person, it’s just the dynamics that have changed.

So don’t take it personally Flowers

FWIW I still think it’s really shit to not even do an immediate team leaving card for you...

Thinkingofausername1 · 02/09/2018 19:12

When my dad retired he didn't get much for all the work he put in. I could see how hurt he was by it all. I think at the end of the day, people will have favourites in work places and it reflects when someone leaves. SadGood luck in your new job.

Seniorcitizen1 · 02/09/2018 19:13

Beyond me my adults expect gifts all the time - birthdays, changing jobs etc. Before I worked for myself I never contributed to collections and always discouraged collections being taken for me. When I left my last company no card no gift no night out - suited me fine.

sunsunsunsunsun · 02/09/2018 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ATownCalledAlicia · 02/09/2018 19:26

I work in a large department with a high turnover. I used to contribute to most collections but I've stopped due to the expense and will only do it if I know someone reasonably well. It seems to be £1 a time but sometimes it feels there is something every week for births, marriages, leaving whatever. It adds up! Sounds mean but it doesn't help anyone if I can't pay my bills.

ommmward · 02/09/2018 19:26

I've just been the manager in this situation. Very beloved part time colleague, going to a different job at a different employer, but one where we will certainly keep in touch and work together informally in future. I would completely have expected to get her a card and gift, but didn't think of it before going off on three weeks' annual leave.

I'll be sorting both and send them in the post this week!

August is definitely the moment when this sort of thing can very easily drift.

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