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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be hurt and humiliated that I did not receive a farewell gift from colleagues

193 replies

flippyfloppyflower · 02/09/2018 16:06

Just that really. Left my old post on Friday for a new post starting on Monday and I received nothing from my old colleagues. I wasn't expecting a party but a card and a small token would have been appreciated.
I know this is a first world problem and I shouldn't let it get to me but it has. I also realise that they don't have to so anything but I always thought it was nice to be nice (which they weren't obviously )

OP posts:

Kaybush · 03/09/2018 22:17

@flippyfloppyflower I think there maybe a lot more to this.

From all the invites to each other's homes that you've mentioned, it sounds like you were all extremely close. Do you think you leaving is leaving a big hole and they are all resenting it somehow??

Are you going on to a much better or more fun job?

Have you arranged to stay in touch with these people, or is it a case of the social aspect for you just ends when the job ends (of your own choosing)?

I do wonder if perhaps they are really envious of you and will also really miss you, but in a strange reverse are being sort of passive aggressive and massively immature about you going and trying to 'punish' you for your independence. It's just a hunch.

Also, if you were that friendly with them, can you communicate with one of them and just politely ask if everything was ok, as it was all a bit odd when you left?

Best of luck in your new job though!!

FanciedAChangeToday · 03/09/2018 22:18

Kmaid a wreath???? Why??

OJZJ · 03/09/2018 22:22

flippyfloppy Well done and good luck in your new venture... sadly I can totally empathise and wonder if you worked with the same group of selfish gits I did, I left my job for my son (adopted) l had been there since the place opened, in charge of everyone else's birthday,leaving etc 9/
Times out of 10 put my hand in my pocket to cover shortfalls in gifts and giving sorry, "lending" people money when they had spent all theirs in the pub on payday, I even did one lads washing for months after he got a written warning about his appearence and hygiene as turned out he had no eashing machine (and was a spoit only child but i knew his mum) and not even a bloody card when I left from the selfish gits! The deputy manager was promoted as I left and even cocked up payroll so I didn't get my last months wages on time .....

HoardingQueen · 03/09/2018 22:45

I was made redundant in March, had to leave my team of 13 years behind, thought that I was pleasant and nice to work with, didn't even get a card!, then a couple of months later we had a night out and a gift voucher (which I bought a nice piece of jewellery with), however the social committee for the whole business that I fully supported for others didn't send me a card, the organizers reckon I have a gift, but still no sign of it. What I will say is that this has really affected me, it was bad enough leaving a job that I loved with people I liked, then having the stress of finding new employment. I had a bit of a mini break down, cried buckets , my self esteem plummeted and still feel a bit raw. I was quite a bubbly person before, really worked hard and did my best to support other work colleagues, now, I feel that no job will ever take precedence over my home life and take over my emotions so much, likewise I will never be so involved in workplace social events etc, a hard lesson to learn, but life it better now, I don't think people realise the effect the way they treat you when you leave can have, especially when it is not your decision or fault

purplevamp · 03/09/2018 23:30

flippyfloppyflower I was in a job for 8 years and all I got was a bunch of flowers from the petrol station and and couple of cakes. Worst part was we had the "party" in an office where people (not my department) were still trying to work.

JacNaylor · 03/09/2018 23:45

Are you absolutely sure they knew you were leaving and realised it was today? Have you been really low key about leaving? The way you describe just getting up and saying "goodnight" as usual sounds like they may not have realised? Did anybody wish you all the best in your new job or make reference to it al all?

byairmail · 04/09/2018 00:45

I didn’t even get a card for the arrival of any of my three children. I am still hurt.

AltheaorDonna · 04/09/2018 01:14

I was at my last job in Ireland for nine years. My last boss there was a total bitch, and I was bloody delighted to hand in my notice and tell her I was emigrating to Australia. On my last day I got presented with a card......and a 5 euro bottle of Jacob's Creek! . I thought it was hilarious and was so happy to leave those fuckers behind!

Anastassiabeaverhausen · 04/09/2018 02:31

At my old job it was customary when someone had a baby that a bunch of flowers and a card was sent. I had my baby and never had anything more than a congrats sms, despite letting people know he'd been born. The office manager was in charge of that kind of thing, and I think it was deliberate because I didn't want to do a leaving speech. I'm a quiet person and giving a speech to 80 people is my idea of hell.

Anastassiabeaverhausen · 04/09/2018 02:34

Posted too soon.
I was really hurt by the lack of acknowledgement of my baby being born. I'd put in plenty of money for flowers for other people's babies.

Aus84 · 04/09/2018 06:23

OP, it's usually one or two people in an office/department that organise these things for birthdays, new babies, farewells etc. Could it be that the usual organiser/s weren't around or busier than usual and everyone assumed someone else would pick up the slack? It's hurtful but it doesn't sound like there was any malice behind it...

DwangelaForever · 04/09/2018 06:50

This happened to me when I left my last job! I decided after maternity leave to get a new job closer to home for a better work life balance. So I left my old job, they invited me out for a day to the races to say bye (they were going anyway so it wasn't a specific leaving party) One of the managers decided to make an announcement over dinner saying that a colleagues wife was pregnant (which was very insensitive to me as I had miscarried the month before and was a deciding factor in why I didn't come back)

Now I know leaving a job especially after maternity leave I shouldn't have expected anything but this work place had a culture of buying gifts for people leaving even if they were crap at their job and everyone was glad they left. They couldn't even use the mat leave excuse not to buy me a gift (or even a bloody card) cause it had been done before for another staff member. I had worked there for around 5 years and some of my work colleagues were my closest friends so I was so offended they didn't even get me a card. I remember having a few drinks and going home and crying to my husband cause it had been such a big part of my life and they didn't even care.

Smileyk · 04/09/2018 07:55

Are you sure they're not planning an evening do or something for you? I was made redundant from a previous company and it was very acrimonious (the team I worked with, including director were furious that my boss was getting rid of me - it got very difficult). I went on gardening leave for 2 weeks and then just finished. No card, nothing - from my colleagues. i was quite upset as I had always had a good relationship with them. Anyway about a week later the guys I'd worked with organised a meal out and came armed with gifts and cards for me. It was really lovely. The bosses didn't come and hadn't contributed obviously (thankfully).
So maybe they haven't forgotten you but are planning something else?

Onecutefox · 04/09/2018 18:07

OP, the colleagues can also be lazy when it comes to such things. I know for sure at my DH's work no-one would be bothered to organise a gift for a colleague who has had a baby. I once had encouraged my DH to buy something for his colleague's new baby. Why didn't he think of it himself because the team leader should have done it. All sorts of excuses.

GoldenHoops · 04/09/2018 18:54

At my dh place no collection money is ever asked for, all gifts are paid for by the company organised by two people who's job description mentions that it's part of their job. Same amount regardless of position or whether they are popular or not. It works well.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 05/09/2018 02:25

To OP

Maybe they were huffed that you have been able to move on, whereas they have not?

Boulty · 06/09/2018 13:52

Oh dear that feels really mean or perhaps unthinking of them.

I previously worked at a place where there were numerous collections for maternity/weddings/leaving gifts/special birthdays etc. I always contributed even to the ones that I barely knew (think large school). The system then changed to department only collections because there were just so many of the school wide collections. Some earn almost £100,000 a year but some part time support workers on 'peanuts' and so it all got rather silly and expensive for the lower paid to be dipping in their meagre earnings all the time.

browneyes77 · 13/09/2018 08:36

I thought the same thing

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