Gender disappointment (5th boy)

[Sequinsglitter]

AIBU to be a bit disappointed?
I am really happy to be have my 5th child but i feel a little disappointed as i was so convinced i was having a girl this time around. I think it's partly because it's not what I was expecting but I can't help but want a little girl sometimes with all these boys

Yes. You conceive to have a baby not a gender. I know a lady with 7 boys and then had 2 girls!

I was very young when I had my first son, and when I fell pregnant again, I found out early on it was another boy. Of course I knew I would still adore my baby, but I was a little sad as I had imagined having one of each. However, I lost all that stupid 'disappointment' when a close friend miscarried for the third time.

I was so disgusted with myself, here I was, concieving at the drop of a hat and having healthy children, and my beautiful friend couldn't even get to 8 weeks.
After getting over myself pretty darned quick I went on later to have two girls, which I thought would make my life full of pink and pretty dresses, hair bows, kittens and spa days....nope, they want to wear their big brothers baggy clothes, will only wear boxers, cannot abide dresses or anything girly, and play footie with their brothers and dad, while here I am, hating football still, dressing up one of my daughters dolls, who she has given a pencil moustache to, and named Bogey face as she also has a green nose.
True story.

Love your kid, not their sex. ;-) x

I think the whole being convinced i was having a girl started with people saying "oh i bet you'd be glad if you had a girl this time" i did start to think what if I am having a girl. Last time i was sure i was having a boy and that I'm just meant to have all boys, which i was happy with. But this pregnancy seems really different to the last 4 which added to me thinking i might be having a girl. I am happy though, I'm excited to tell the boys later as they really wanted another brother

I had 2 DS before I had DD and cried tears of joy when I found out she was a girl. I thought I could dress her up and she would be a little mini me. She isn't. Not at all. She is a total tomboy and a daddy's girl. I have a very different bond with her and we do a lot of things together however my boys are much more 'for me' and loving. Easy for me to say this as I have both but I totally understand where you are coming from as if been there but the grass isn't always greener haha

I still feel sad about a birth announcement I saw in the paper ages ago - 'To A and B, a fifth and final daughter.'

How awful ☹️

There’s no need to be angry with people having gender preferences.

You didn’t say you just had a preference though. You said you’d have been “very upset” to have had boys and were “desperate” for girls.

Enjoy not having to deal with teenage girl tantrums, OP. Boys are mellower.

YANBU at all. Of course you can be disappointed not to have a girl.

It doesn’t mean you are disappointed to have another boy.

Enjoy not having to deal with teenage girl tantrums, OP. Boys are mellower
This is exactly the kind of commiserative comment I got when I was having a third boy.
It wasn't just me who was kicked in the stomach. It was EVERYBODY!
Such as :
Never mind
Boys are calmer anyway
Are you going to try again?
Well at least you can use the same clothes etc
Aw what a shame-girls clothes are so much nicer
Who will look after you when you are old?
And so on.
Boys are seen as second rate children. It's ok to have one, or even two, but three or more are seen as unwanted.
Mind you I know a couple with two girls each who tried for another, and got another girl. So people do clearly want both sexes.

You didn’t say you just had a preference though. You said you’d have been “very upset” to have had boys and were “desperate” for girls.

Yeah I would have been at first. I don’t really get why that would upset you though? I really did want girls. I know if I had ended up with a boy then it would have been fine. But I deliberately found out early both times because I would have been upset and wanted time to get used to it so by the birth I would be nothing but excited to meet my new son had that been the result.

Why does this piss people off so much? Like yeah I’d have been fine with having boxes but I really wanted girls. So did my partner.

Boys not boxes.

I must also admit that briefly I was totally fucked off with my husband for cursing me with another boy-why couldn't he have given me a girl? I do think it is the father's sperm which are heavily predisposed to one or the other. He has 7 boys and 1 girl with different women.
I do think if you have two or three the same with the same man then the chances are that is all you will have.

I'm also shocked how many women say they were 'convinced' it was a girl. There is no basis for being convinced, so clearly that is totally underpinned by real real hope.

onetimeposter, with that attitude let’s hope your username is accurate. OP is having a boy. I admit to having both, but boys are great. Why not look on the bright side?

I also have 3 boys mammaries. I love them all desperately. But at the time I was disappointed-that's all I was trying to convey. I think this is a very common feeling, I felt cheated and angry. I do think pregnancy hormones play a huge part, plus other people's expectations. The rational non-pregnant me is thrilled with my children.

Alaska,

I can’t speak for everyone but I think they get pissed off because it feels like everyone always wants a girl and then feel sorry for you if you have a boy.

I don’t get pissed off at all. I just enjoy my son now but I went through a phase of wanting everyone to know how pleased I was with him. Now I just be pleased with him regardless of anyone else.

I’m know people who feel the same the other way round...... esp in different cultures where it’s more favourable to have a boy.

I’ve never understood all the people who have both sexes who immediately say “what do you think a girl would give you that a boy wouldn’t”. Well, on average, mothers and teenage/adult daughters are far more likely to go shopping / spa day / theatre / long weekend /ride horses / whatever, than mother’s and sons. Not exclusively, as there are always exceptions, before anyone tells me they don’t do any of that with their daughter as she’s a tomboy. But I bet there are far more mums and daughters who spend this kind of shared interest time together, than mums and sons.

But society doesn’t allow you to say this as it’s frowned upon. You just get told to get over yourself, get your trainers on and cheer from the sidelines of the football pitch.

And it can be a bit lonely to be the one washing sports kit while your boys are playing PlayStation, when your friends are doing girl stuff with their girls. It’s nothing to do with not loving the sons you have though, which is another common misconception.

^^ what a lot of gender stereotyping tosh.

YANBU, especially as you say you were convinced this one was a girl. It's not unreasonable to be disappointed that what we had built up in our minds isn't reality. I was convinced DS was a boy when I was pregnant so if the sonographer had said girl, I would have had to completely readjust what I had imagined.

Acknowledge your disappointment to yourself, feel it, then move on. Think about all the pros, eg your youngest current child will get to experience a little brother.

Enjoy not having to deal with teenage girl tantrums, OP. Boys are mellower

I hare this bullshit . Would it be ok for me to say, yeah ok I will deal with the tantrums but then I'll have my lovely dd's past all this crap and you might be lucky to have an OK DIL.

Girls are no worse then boys through teenage years, they are all quite capable of being horrendous.

Enjoy not having to deal with teenage girl tantrums, OP. Boys are mellower

This is the reason people get gender disappointment in the first place. Because of massive generalisations about how a particular gender behaves.

And this may be playing to the stereotypes, but I know so many mums/sons who have close relationships as adults, shopping trips etc. My son is only 2.8 but from day 1 his personality has been gentle, sweet, cautious, flamboyant, he's not boisterous or rough. He loves stereotypical boys' toys eg cars and trains but he also loves stories, soft toys, dressing up and (of course things could change) but I don't think he's going to be massively into sports, which I'm glad about as I hate sports!

My DH is one of three - two boys and a girl. His mum is much closer to the daughter but that's because it's the relationship she has built, shamelessly, and made less effort with her sons. Because she thinks "girls are closer to their mums". Maybe it's this kind of stereotype which ends up with the reality? However MIL and SIL have an odd, codependent relationship, and SIL is basically a mess, whereas DH and BIL are well adjusted, kind men who work hard and are excellent fathers. I know which kids I would be prouder to call mine!

Oh god, both boys and girls are lovely, they are not all the same, each child, boy or girl, has its unique personality, you cannot generalise.

Oh please just don't go there. Every child is a gift. How might this boy feel if you cannot hide your disappointment?

I have a friend who went on having babies to try and get a boy - when the fourth one was a girl she would not even bother to name her - left it to her husband. Disgraceful.

All my children are the same gender - and very precious they all are too.

Ha ha @Carriescakes80 that’s so funny 😂 because when you don’t have a girl it is all the pink stuff you feel you miss out on and the female bonding (shopping trips, spa days etc)

I completely understand your feeling of slight disappointment OP. I have 2 boys and whenever someone has a girl I always feel a slight pang. I am more than happy with my boys, but there is always a feeling of what if and what would life be like. Boys are wonderful too though, so affectionate and never a dull moment.

I’m not upset Alaska, just the way you initially posted made you look a bit of an arse. You’ve explained further though so fine.