To ask DP to move so we can afford to keep the baby?

[Babydusst]

DP and I live in London and have one DD, aged two. He has two older children from a different relationship who he sees on weekends. He works full time and me part but neither of us are high earners in skilled positions and we do struggle to make ends meet after we've paid our bills, DPs maintenance, our childcare and the ridiculously overpriced rent on our shoebox flat which is the main sinkhole in our finances.

I'm currently 8 weeks pregnant with unplanned (but wanted) DC2 but there's no way we can afford to upgrade from the home we have now, to a family sized home in London. DD currently shares a bedroom with us and is at the age now where she needs her own room, If baby is a boy we'd then need a three bedroom house.

It would be easy for DP to transfer his work and I'd be looking for a new job right away.

I've asked DP to consider us moving north as I can't foresee us being able to support another child here whatsoever the way things are, or even provide a decent quality of life for the child we already have in the long run whilst struggling by.

Up north we could get a three bedroom house for half of what we pay here for a ridiculously small flat. He flatly refuses and says he won't consider it as he has other DC in London which he sees on weekends

I don't see how us moving would change anything for his other children who would of course be welcome to spend entire weekends at our new place if they wanted to (in our current flat there's just no room for them to sleep but they spend most of the weekend days here)

Ideally I would have done a degree by now and trained in a profession but as it stands I'm working an entry level hospitality job just to bring in some extra money.

I personally could not live with myself if I had to terminate but I just don't see how we could bring another child into our lives the way they are now, no space and no money for anything other than what is already budgeted for.

For context our flat is £1,250 pm whereas up north we could get a family home with front and back gardens, a garage etc for under half of that.

It seems like DP would prefer me to abort than move out of London and that stings, I really want this baby. He says he isn't asking me to get an abortion but he isn't prepared to assess our living situation enabling us to come up with viable options.
He simply won't budge and it's leaving me feeling as though I have no option but to abort my baby who I've bonded with already

major that one is lovely! A proper home.

I won’t labour the point but some “critical posters” comments do hold some weight. You have made less than ideal life choices given your circumstances and in your shoes I’d be proceeding with caution.

1. Get married. It can be cheap but do it.
2. Zone 2 is madness on that salary - it was not a good decision.on either of your parts.

Go further out - bromley is very affordable. m.zoopla.co.uk/to-rent/details/48887112

m.zoopla.co.uk/to-rent/details/41799751?search_identifier=a4f3374c85e75912eaa6fefb4fc9982f

1. I get you had the coil. But he should get a vasectomy post new baby and you should still use double contraception - it’s not really uncommon if you don’t want to be pregnant. I do and so do my friends most are early 30s and we really really don’t want to be pregnant right now. we want to push our careers before we have kids so we take the most responsible choice available to us.
2. If you want to make money don’t go to university to do nursing. with two kids I would aim for something like working as an estate agent. no university needed, it can fit nicely around school if you are flexible and pay is quite good. Any industry specific qualifications can be don’t on the job and you don’t get into debt.

Compare “estate agent average salary of £41,392. successful and experienced agents can earn anything between £50,000- £100,000.” vs “Fully qualified nurses start on salaries of £22,128 rising to £28,746 on Band 5 of the NHS Agenda for Change Pay Rates. Salaries in London attract a high-cost area supplement. With experience, in positions such as nurse team leader on Band 6, salaries progress to £26,565 to £35,577.”

Obviously I’d say if nursing is your dream go for it. But you sound like you picked it for earning potential which given the training required is another not great life choice.

@selly24 thanks for the suggestion, nursing is something I've always wanted to do and its been "the goal" for as long as I can remember.

That being said I know its not the greatest earner so I'd be open to other jobs as money trumps my need to be in my dream job for the foreseeable

I’ve only read start and end of this thread, really pleased you and your DH are coming to a compromise OP.

Thank you flashing :-)

Major I love that property its stunning compared to what we have and so much space

Op you sound so lovely and like a wonderful mother. I haven’t got any suggestions but just wanted to say I hope everything works out and congratulations on your new baby

@Wellfuckmeinbothears

How kind of you to say, thank you so much

Good luck OP, if your ideal is something a bit rural you might not have to wait, I've seen PPs suggest Kent and Essex and you'd get a decent size property in a fairly rural location for your current rent amount in either and an easy commute for teenagers. Have a look at this one in great wakering, village location detached 3 bed for a little less than you pay now, nearest stations are a couple miles away straight into either Liverpool Street or fenchurch Street (c2c also has convections for dlr and jubilee for south of the river) your DP has experience in factories/warehouses there is a lot of that type of work available in Essex too
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to-rent/property-74675861.html

Oh it's also about four or five miles from a large training hospital, hold on tight keep looking and you might get everything you want in life 😊

@op congratulations on the new baby x

Haven't read the entire thread but there are about 500 2 bed properties in S London at £1250pcm or lower on rightmove. I'd advise avoiding anything on the Southern Trains lines but Streatham/Norbury area would be an OK commute as there is a range of transport options - tube bus train and green space and lots of child friendly activities. Also it is likely to be easier for you to study in London if you are looking at a subject that needs access to books etc as lots of libraries around.

Op like a previous poster I'm in romford.... I live a ten min walk from station.
Houses down my street that are rented are 1300 pm and that's 3 bedrooms with 50 foot gardens.

Have a look in the area...