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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this gift situation

178 replies

Backstronger · 31/08/2018 20:54

It was my son's birthday recently and top of his list was a Nintendo switch. I told him from the start I wouldn't get it as he has another older console that was given to him by a relative after he bought a new one which I felt was sufficient.

Anyway he asked his GM who said she would buy him the switch. I warned her at the time it was really expensive but she said no it's for my first grandson etc. I didn't give it much thought and didn't encourage ds telling him she might or might not get it dont get too excited.

My ds started boasting to his cousin who is also games console mad that he was getting a switch which I heard and kept reminding him not to get his hopes up. My nephew has loads of techy things e.g. ipad, games consoles etc but kept going on to his mum to get him a switch and after a few weeks of this she did. Now her son began boasting to my ds that he got a switch before him. Angry

My son then really became fixated on getting his switch and couldnt be distracted. It also didnt help that he had played on his cousins and his cousin had at times made him feel bad because he hasn't got one. To console him at those times I stupidly said oh remember grandma said she would get it but in my defence she had to both me and him.

So come the day of his birthday he of course was eagerly waiting for grandmas present only to find that she had got him a toy instead because the nintendo switch was too advanced for his age (he is under 10 think key stage 1). You can imagine how disappointed he was.

Now I am put in the position of having to get him a switch partly because gm let him down and partly to keep up with the bloody Joneses cause my sister just couldn't handle her ds going on about it so bought it to get him quiet.

AIBU to be annoyed at both dsis and ds's gm?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 31/08/2018 20:59

You're putting yourself in the position of buying the Switch. You don't have to.

Havaina · 31/08/2018 21:18

YABU to be annoyed at your sister, she is entitled to get her DS whatever she wants (although I think she's making a rod for her own back).

I would be annoyed with your mum and tell her that she has made a promise to a child who is now upset that she has reneged. Tell her that you had warned her that the Switch was too expensive but she said you would get it for him. Now she has gone back on her promise, upset her grandson and now it's fallen to you to make things up to DS. She has made herself look like an irresponsible pratt.

NailsNeedDoing · 31/08/2018 21:20

Yanbu to be upset with your Mum, what she did is beyond thoughtless. That is just such a mean thing to do to a child! I don't think it's your sisters fault though, she hasnt done anything wrong.

Airaforce · 31/08/2018 21:28

Don't buy it for him now because if you do you will lose your position of power in his eyes. He will know that all he needs to do is to throw a massive tantrum and you will buy him whatever he wants. When he becomes a teenager he will mame your life hell if you don't toe the line. Nip it in the bud now and have a very stern word with your mum about making promises that she can't keep.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 31/08/2018 21:29

This would massively annoy me. You can't really have a go at your mum but i would tell her how upset DS is. Could you promise him one for Christmas and maybe ask if she will contribute as her present? Or maybe get him a handheld console or tablet and tell him this is better than a switch because (insert some reason a 6 year old would believe)

If he is only KS1 he is quite young as can only just be 6 at the oldest. My DS is 7 and obsessed with his wii which he got at christmas and we have noticed he doesn't play as much with all his other toys which is sad at such a young age. He desperately wants a switch but we have decided it's too expensive and the wii is fine for what he wants it for (mainly mario) we will consider a tablet or hand held console but have suggested he ask for a switch in a couple of years (when hopefully there will be some on eBay!!)

amicissimma · 31/08/2018 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunnysidegold · 31/08/2018 21:32

Tough one. I agree with airaforce above about the rod for your own back. Yabu to be annoyed at your sister, kids are always saying stuff like that.

Your mum was silly and thoughtless to promise the console after you explained the price and then go back on that offer.

You will have to console him about the lack of console (just liked those words together sorry )

LIZS · 31/08/2018 21:34

So he's under 7 and already has a console. Yabu to assume that you have to buy one. His gm changed her mind having looked into it, sensibly imho. Is cousin older perhaps? What your sister buys is her business.

NotTakenUsername · 31/08/2018 21:35

Your mum was thoughtless.
Your sister is a push over.
Your nephew is pretty unpleasant.

But you do not have to buy your ds a Nintendo switch. In fact I’d activity suggest that you don’t. Granny let him down, not you.

TroubledLichen · 31/08/2018 21:39

YANBU to be upset with your mum, that’s an awful thing to do to a child. Regardless of her reasons, she made a promise to a child and went back on it, leaving you to deal with the fall out of an upset and disappointed child.

YABU to be upset with your sister, she’s entitled to buy her son whatever she wants. I’d also blame your DM as the pestering probably started because your DM had said that she was getting one for your DS’s birthday and the cousin was jealous.

I suppose it’s a good lesson for your DS about not counting chickens until they’ve hatched also that it’s not nice to brag. But that won’t change the fact that he’s been let down by his grandmother who broke a promise to him. I may be in the minority here but personally I’d buy him the console if I could afford to do so. All the better if you can return GM’s toy to go towards the cost.

Original poster
Backstronger · 31/08/2018 21:40

The reason im annoyed with my dsis is that if she hadnt got it for her ds my son would probably just have accepted it easily and not been so disappointed. By getting it for her ds when knew that was what my ds wanted it put pressure not only on me but my ds to have it too.

Gm isn't my mum. She is paternal gm. So I can't really say anything to her about that.

I know I don't have to get it but ds has had a tough year with a lot of changes and i just felt so bad with how disappointed he was. Also he made a comment to me that dnephew gets whatever he wants because his dad lives with him. I don't want him to feel like he is at a disadvantage because he is from a single parent home.

To be honest I can't really afford the switch right now but promised ds I would get it for him eventually if his gm didn't get it. I'm thinking of using it as an incentive or reward for good behaviour. But I'm just irritated at them both for intentionally or unintentionally disappointing my ds.

OP posts:
bert3400 · 31/08/2018 21:46

I would get the Switch, but state itsfor the family to play on . It has some great 2 player games that we all play together as a famiy ( think portable Wii) .

NotTakenUsername · 31/08/2018 21:46

Also he made a comment to me that dnephew gets whatever he wants because his dad lives with him.

Ooh, he’s a clever wee rascal, isn’t he!?

puzzledlady · 31/08/2018 21:46

Sorry OP but YABU. You can choose not to get it but you are.

Ginslinger · 31/08/2018 21:48

you really don't need to buy this - you need to help your son manage expectations

Kardashianlove · 31/08/2018 21:52

cause my sister just couldn't handle her ds going on about it so bought it to get him quiet.

But this is exactly what you’re doing!

Glaciferous · 31/08/2018 21:57

You don't have to buy it for him! Why would you do that?

If he really wants the thing, can he save for it? Does he get pocket money? In your shoes, I'd be saying 'show me you can save half or two thirds or whatever out of your pocket money and I will make a contribution as I respect the hard work that goes into saving for something'. This would be win win. He'll get what he wants for a cheaper price and also learn the value of money, whilst appreciating that his mum is prepared to help him out when she knows something is important to him.

ButchyRestingFace · 31/08/2018 21:57

To be honest I can't really afford the switch right now but promised ds I would get it for him eventually if his gm didn't get it.

Well, that's on you, not his grandma or your sister.

Just. Say. No.

Jux · 31/08/2018 22:06

I think you should have stopped your son from boasting he was getting one in the first place. You could have told your mum how much they cost and she may have been more realistic about it. You could have asked her after your sis got her son one. You could have warbed your sis that there was no guarantee that your mum was getting one.

There were so many ways in which you could have intervened before any console was bought by any of you.

Even, your mum could have got one which the boys share - at your house one week then at the other house the next.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 31/08/2018 22:09

A child in ks1 should not have this, GM did not buy it as it was age inappropriate

Why would GM buy one grandson something so expensive but not the other? Presents should always be equal

Gm was bang out of order to promise and not delivered, you should not have got hopes up.
You should not get toys that are inappropriate or more than you can afford, if you follow this at this age what next year?

agnurse · 31/08/2018 22:10

Your son needs to learn that there will ALWAYS be kids who have more or less than what he has. "Keeping up with the Joneses" isn't always an option and he needs to be grateful for what he gets.

I think you really set yourself up for disappointment here.

Original poster
Backstronger · 31/08/2018 22:12

No I had no intention of getting him it because he already got a wii over the holidays from relative. He knew I wasn't getting it but when gm asked him what he wanted for his birthday he mentioned that and she said yes of course I'll get it. Then when dnephew got it he became fixated on it. The only reason I'm contemplating getting it is because he was so disappointed when he realised she hadn't got it for him. Because he had got his hopes up over weeks it was very crushing for him. I'm dealing with the aftermath of that. Not just trying to shut him up.

OP posts:
KnotsInMay · 31/08/2018 22:14

Do you and your DSis not talk about these things?

I would have tried to stop Ds boasting to his cousin, told my DSis to take no notice as there was no guarantee that he would get one, spoken to MIL and said ‘are you definitely getting the Switch because he had become fixated and I need to deal with the situation if not”

Amaaboutthis · 31/08/2018 22:15

You absolutely don’t need to buy it. A) it’s not age appropriate and b) shot happens and he needs to deal with it.

LIZS · 31/08/2018 22:17

He'll be back at school imminently, so will have less time to dwell on it, unless you protract it. Tbh it sounds as if mil is unlikely to be able to do anything right. How often on mn do we hear how they have bought age inappropriate gifts, phones etc. Does she normally buy such extravagant gifts?