To be annoyed about this gift situation

[Backstronger]

It was my son's birthday recently and top of his list was a Nintendo switch. I told him from the start I wouldn't get it as he has another older console that was given to him by a relative after he bought a new one which I felt was sufficient.

Anyway he asked his GM who said she would buy him the switch. I warned her at the time it was really expensive but she said no it's for my first grandson etc. I didn't give it much thought and didn't encourage ds telling him she might or might not get it dont get too excited.

My ds started boasting to his cousin who is also games console mad that he was getting a switch which I heard and kept reminding him not to get his hopes up. My nephew has loads of techy things e.g. ipad, games consoles etc but kept going on to his mum to get him a switch and after a few weeks of this she did. Now her son began boasting to my ds that he got a switch before him.

My son then really became fixated on getting his switch and couldnt be distracted. It also didnt help that he had played on his cousins and his cousin had at times made him feel bad because he hasn't got one. To console him at those times I stupidly said oh remember grandma said she would get it but in my defence she had to both me and him.

So come the day of his birthday he of course was eagerly waiting for grandmas present only to find that she had got him a toy instead because the nintendo switch was too advanced for his age (he is under 10 think key stage 1). You can imagine how disappointed he was.

Now I am put in the position of having to get him a switch partly because gm let him down and partly to keep up with the bloody Joneses cause my sister just couldn't handle her ds going on about it so bought it to get him quiet.

AIBU to be annoyed at both dsis and ds's gm?

FGS.Your MIL has caused this.
She has disappointed your DS and had no right to promise and not deliver.
Your sister and her spoilt son are unpleasant and have made a bad situation worse.

As you said, without any of their input, your son would have accepted that he wasn't going to get it and that would be that.

In this situation I would find a way to buy the switch. Did your son get any birthday money ? Maybe he could spend it on this and you could top it up. Explain to him that people are sometimes thoughtless and that you understand his disappointment.

Ask your MIL not to promise gifts in future and give your sister & her unpleasant offspring a wide berth.

What happened when grandma gave him a toy? Did she notice or acknowledge his disappointment? Did you say it to her?

Your not unreasonable to be annoyed at the grandma - she said she'd get it and then didn't - very mean, bad life lesson!

You are being unreasonable to not stamp out this technology addicted attitude whilst your DS is young. Keeping up with the jones' is not a good thing to teach children.

The reason im annoyed with my dsis is that if she hadnt got it for her ds my son would probably just have accepted it easily and not been so disappointed. By getting it for her ds when knew that was what my ds wanted it put pressure not only on me but my ds to have it too.

This is BS. She can get her kids whatever she wants without being answerable to you, you don't have to 'keep up' Teach your DS some real life skills - what if she puts a deposit down for a house for him and you can't afford to - will you bankrupt yourself so your DS can 'keep up' with his cousin?!?!
The only thing your sister did wrong was to not stop her DS from bragging and winding his cousin up.

Yes, it's just like Father Christmas. Why not throw in the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny for good measure? Stupid, stupid comment.

Fucking hell there are some ridiculous comments on here.

Don't buy the Switch. Don't blame your sister. Don't let your DS get so attached to devices.

He's been let down buy an adult he trusted. I don't blame the op for wanting to make it up to him. I'd make it a Xmas present though.
Please don't use it as a reward. That ship has sailed.

Don't buy it for him now because if you do you will lose your position of power in his eyes. He will know that all he needs to do is to throw a massive tantrum and you will buy him whatever he wants

Power? Tantrum? What a weird attitude. The child hasn't thrown a tantrum, just been disappointed.

OP, don't buy it now, but save for a used one on eBay and get it for Christmas maybe?

BTW is it a Wii or a Wii u he has? A Wii u will be fine but a Wii is very out of date now. He won't be able to play any of the games his friends play on a Wii.

If you choose to get the switch, wait untill Christmas I think. It's close now, I wouldn't get it before then if you definitely plan on buying it for him.

Don’t see why everyone’s going o. So hard on the Sister. And calling the nephew ‘spoiled’ really?
Sounds like the nephew was fine until OPs son was rubbing it in HIS face he was getting a switch. Which sounds all perfectly normal cousin behaviour by the way, doesn’t mean either of them are ‘unpleasant’
Life’s shit OP, buy it or don’t buy it, up to you. I would be pissed of a the grandmother though, most definitely.

This thread is gobsmacking. A child is disappointed because he didn't get the toy he wanted. Yes granny promised it to him but his mum warned him not to count on it. Nothing terrible has happened to him.

No. You're really not. You are in the position of having to remind him that you had warned him he might not get a switch. You are in the position of being able to work with him on dealing with some tough realities of life: that people don't always keep their word, and that we can't always have what we want (even if we really, really want it).

^^This

If you buy it then you become no better than your sister - as no doubt one of your son's friends will be using your son against his parent like your nephew was used against you

You were clear from the start about this which makes a lot of difference.

Help him manage his disappointment, its a skill he's going to need through this life.

It will also help him learn delayed gratification (which your nephew isn't learning and will likely become spoiled and possibly even get in to debt in later life because he can't wait and save for things)

Work together to save for it - don't put financial pressure on yourself now as another day in the future it will be something else expensive

You have no insight, do you Barbarian? That Father Christmas comment pretty well proved that.

Offer to pay for half as this situation is partly your doing. He can sell his exisiting console (I would ask relatives permission first) and other things he no longer uses and do jobs with set values until he has earned it. Then you can go buy it together and he can learn the value of hard work and reward for effort.

I prioritise experiences and time over material things

Your son will be a lot richer because of this

We know nothing about whether the gm even has the means to buy it for him, whether she's ever bought anything like this before etc and how realistic her saying she was going to get it was

Then she shouldn't have promised it then and she was told it was expensive, that's not the reason she didn't get jt. He had already been told no by his mother do you promise shit despite it being expensive then not bother? You can't defend that.

GM was wrong to promise something and then not deliver so I can understand his disappointment. However, your dsis is not in any way in the wrong here. Why on earth should she decide not to get her ds something simply because his cousin doesn't have one the same? You are VU to expect that.

There is absolutely no way I would buy ds a switch simply because he wanted it if I had already said no. Giving in to his manipulations and tantrums will simply create a rod for your own back. He will use the single parent household card to get whatever he wants in the future.

Basically, while yes, he is disappointed, he is playing you. Don't let him. Be the adult in the situation.

What manipulations and tantrums? OP has said her son is disappointed, she hasn't even hinted at manipulation or tantrums.

I sympathise with your position. It is wrong to promise a child a present and then not to deliver. Not sure what I'd do in your situation. Could you offer to get him the switch for Christmas. And find a polite way of telling his GM not to promise presents that she doesn't deliver as it causes trouble.

Just because I think you're being a ridiculous drama lama doesnt mean I have no insight Bluelady it means we disagree. You think it's a tragedy of epic proportions, I think it's something that happens to all children and is entirely survivable .

(And more so at Christmas because Father Christmas is magic and can do anything, right?)

Because FC is a concept. A grandmother is a real person with whom the child has a relationship and that real person he trusted has let him down. It's not a tragedy of epic proportions but his grandma has thrown away his trust.

Don't buy it for him now because if you do you will lose your position of power in his eyes.

What a strange way to view a parent/child relationship!

Your sister has nothing to do with this, your MIL should have stepped up and told you that the switch was too expensive before she gave him the toy. It's a perfectly fine position, but she should have said.

In our situation, DP is a soft touch and would then buy a switch - but that's because we can afford it and it's related to our jobs. If we couldn't, then we would sit down and talk with DS, explain it all (we have in other circumstances around other things), and tell him what we can do instead (eg. he couldn't go to the UK for a holiday, but we would make sure he had a device to skype home when he wanted to).

By doing this, you don't lose 'your position of power' but re-enforce your status as 'parent who is reliable and honest, and cares for you very much'

I have flakey relatives. I've made sure that my children understand that if they promise things, those promises are to be taken with a pinch of salt, but if I promise, then I mean it (and if I don't then that means something too). It stands them in good stead, because they learn to assess who's trustworthy and who isn't.

Im not being smug. To be honest the amount of money i have spent this summer holiday on days out etc I would probably be halfway if not already had enough to buy the switch so in one way my sister at least has something physical to show for what she has spent her money on.

I don't know if gm couldn't afford it or not but she did say to me the money was not the issue but after doing some research and speaking to the sales person at the toy shop she decided not to get it for him as it was inappropriate. She knew he was disappointed it was obvious as he didn't want to speak to anyone, had tears in his eyes etc. But she kept trying to explain it away. I kind of feel bad for her as well as it will definitely impact his relationship with her as he is a bit sensitive though of course with time he will get over it.

I think what irritated me about dsis is that she knew that is what ds wanted and she got it for dn just before ds birthday. She could have waited till after his birthday or till they went back to school so were no longer seeing each other so often. But to do it right before his birthday is what put pressure on me and raised my ds expectations. It's not like dn does not have any consoles or games etc he has more than most children. I didn't allow ds to brag every time i heard him say it I told him you don't have it yet and gm might not get it for you. I even told dn to ignore ds as he doesn't have one yet and might not get it.

Anyway I will see how he is when he gets back from his dads. Who knows he might buy it for him if he sees how disappointed he is. Thankfully for me his dad is of the same school of thought as my dsis that material things are more important or can make up for lack of time.

I can really understand how you feel and I would want to get the switch too! But I think if you can, say you'll get it for Christmas if he still wants it, and maybe put money away in a jar each week which he can see building up. If he's not going to see his cousin for a while waiting in this way might be easier for him than it would be if he was still seeing him all the time.

I would be telling him you can see how disappointed he is, and although you can't afford it yet, he will be able to have it for Christmas if he still wants it.

I can see you don't want to fall out with his grandma, but if she ever asks him what he wants again I'd say "please don't ask him, just get him a surprise as he was so disappointed last time when you didn't get what you told him you were getting."

I don't know if gm couldn't afford it or not but she did say to me the money was not the issue but after doing some research and speaking to the sales person at the toy shop she decided not to get it for him as it was inappropriate.

that's odd.. my kids play on it, on completely appropriate games, and they're 8 and 5 (been playing on one for as long as the switch has been out) - mario kart and splatoon mainly - because those games are awesome!