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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this gift situation

178 replies

Backstronger · 31/08/2018 20:54

It was my son's birthday recently and top of his list was a Nintendo switch. I told him from the start I wouldn't get it as he has another older console that was given to him by a relative after he bought a new one which I felt was sufficient.

Anyway he asked his GM who said she would buy him the switch. I warned her at the time it was really expensive but she said no it's for my first grandson etc. I didn't give it much thought and didn't encourage ds telling him she might or might not get it dont get too excited.

My ds started boasting to his cousin who is also games console mad that he was getting a switch which I heard and kept reminding him not to get his hopes up. My nephew has loads of techy things e.g. ipad, games consoles etc but kept going on to his mum to get him a switch and after a few weeks of this she did. Now her son began boasting to my ds that he got a switch before him. Angry

My son then really became fixated on getting his switch and couldnt be distracted. It also didnt help that he had played on his cousins and his cousin had at times made him feel bad because he hasn't got one. To console him at those times I stupidly said oh remember grandma said she would get it but in my defence she had to both me and him.

So come the day of his birthday he of course was eagerly waiting for grandmas present only to find that she had got him a toy instead because the nintendo switch was too advanced for his age (he is under 10 think key stage 1). You can imagine how disappointed he was.

Now I am put in the position of having to get him a switch partly because gm let him down and partly to keep up with the bloody Joneses cause my sister just couldn't handle her ds going on about it so bought it to get him quiet.

AIBU to be annoyed at both dsis and ds's gm?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 02/09/2018 18:57

I'd not be buying it but nor would I be sugar coating the fact that his DGran made him a promise that she didn't keep. If your DS talks about it to his DF then perhaps he will have a word with MIL and she will then rectify the situation.

Some of the comments are odd. Your DS was told he was getting something- of course he was disappointed when he didn't get it. As an adult I'd be disappointed in those circumstances- and yes I speak as an adult of a certain age who never got my Mr Frosty Grin. The only life lesson he has learnt as far as I can see, is that adults who he loves don't keep their promises.

TwoOddSocks · 02/09/2018 19:00

I agree with rookiemere if he didn't get some extravagant gift he wanted a threw a strop it would be one thing but being disappointed because he was promised a certain gift and didn't get it is totally unavoidable surely?

BuntyII · 02/09/2018 19:03

Get him it for Christmas? Teaches him the lesson but he will get what he wants eventually.

Tistheseason17 · 02/09/2018 19:05

If I bowed down to every desire my children had, I'd be broke and they'd be spoiled.

You are teaching life lessons by saying, "no". He needs to learn and appreciate the feeling of disappointment as you can't buy him everything, can you?

Bluelady · 02/09/2018 19:09

I'm another who hopes he trots through the door with it because his dad's made up for grandma being a tit.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2018 19:28

My mother is / was like this with me. I held tight control over presents for dd from her when she was younger to avoid just such disappointment. She’s the sort of person, who if you questioned her she’d be nasty and call me ungrateful, vile etc.

I’d be upset with your ds’s grandma. She promised then didn’t deliver and didn’t even bother to warn you. That’s very unkind.

Are you on good terms with his dad? Maybe ask his dad and your mum to all contribute for one for Christmas. That way you don’t need the full amount.

Crushedgrapesworkforme · 02/09/2018 19:32

Its v Disappointing for your son.. sorry op your MIL is blind to these emotions.. sadly you need to help her understand impact on your son & you.

Sadly these switches are everywhere and it’s hard not to have a friend / cousin without one it will be another Xmas gift top 10.

I’d have words with MIL, suggest she can buy a few (pre approved) games if she’s not going to buy the switch. Or vouchers at A store you can buy one when youve saved enough.

We recently brough last wk, made ours a “family switch”.. and only the games / steering wheels are our our son’s to avoid future battles of who’s console is it ...
See if they can help do family jobs to work towards one faster..

Sooperkat · 02/09/2018 19:33

A Switch is very age appropriate for KS1, there is no contact between online players, many of the games are 3+ and most are designed to be safe for younger players. Mine plays things like Mario Kart and the Labo is fantastic.
I’d be annoyed if she let him down too, but it’s not age inappropriate.

BeckyBec · 02/09/2018 20:29

There are so many lessons in this story however I’m drawn to the fact you told your son no, he didn’t listen then asked grandma, grandma couldn’t say no to him so said yes then misled him when she didn’t buy it and now you’re going back on your word and are planning on buying it. I can only imagine this is a pattern that he is used to.
Say NO! Stick to it or things will only go on like this for a long time and the end result is actually your son will be more emotionally affected than he is now with the changes you say he’s been through.

Thebluedog · 02/09/2018 21:08

Firstly you said no, so he asks grandma - strike 1
Secondly he’s telling everyone he’s getting one - strike 2

Because of peer pressure you get him one - well he’s not going to grow up a spoilt kid is he Hmm

He’s just learnt a very valuable lesson. If at first you don’t get what you want, keep at it and Mum will eventually give it to you

AnotherManicMumday · 02/09/2018 21:52

Sorry for late input, only just read post. I get how you're feeling and don't think it's a case of your ds being spoilt or just getting want he wants, it was more or less a promise. Would be the same if it was something other than a console and hopes are built up. If it was a maybe from gm then fair enough or if she explained to ds before he opened his present that he needs to be a bit older.
I have a gohenry for my ds (6) and I can set tasks for him to do and then pocket money goes in once I tick off that he's done them. He can see his savings mount up and he's really good at not wasting money now. The other bonus is I can ask family to put birthday/Christmas money in there if he's saving for something and it stops them wondering what to get him and don't end up with duplicate gifts etc. Can also set targets and it says how much he needs to save and how long it will take

AnotherManicMumday · 02/09/2018 21:53

Also, try and wait until black Friday at the end of November. Can get some amazing deals especially if you have Amazon prime

Bashun · 02/09/2018 22:04

Disappointment is a part of life. Use it as a teachable moment. we can't and don't always get what we want.

LosSimpsones · 02/09/2018 22:28

So you are asking if your sis is being unreasonable to buy her son a switch because she caved, but then you are going to do the same thing?
Your mum IBU though...

Leapfrog44 · 02/09/2018 22:34

Why are you letting your child have a games console at that age?
He should be playing outside, reading books, doing sport, drawing etc. That's just frickin irresponsible parenting.

BunsyGirl · 03/09/2018 07:31

Nintendo’s are the best consoles for children. We have a rule in our house that is no PlayStation or Xbox until secondary school because so many of the games are violent. DS1 got a Switch at 7 (and a WiiU at 4). He is very mature and very academic and started playing games at 3. He is an IT whiz at school and teaches the other children how to do stuff! He’s also very sporty and does a huge amount every week so we have no problem with him playing computer games as long as they are age appropriate. The people saying that Nintendo is not age appropriate don’t know what they are talking about.

Namechange221 · 03/09/2018 08:22

I have a similar aged child with a switch, Don't really understand the "age appropriate" comment from GM as you can get all sorts of games to play on it that are labelled as 3 plus. He had a DS before that and they have similar games its just more interactive. If she thought it wasn't appropriate could she not have spoken to you about her concerns and checking with you given she is not his parent.

YABU in regards to your sister though, she is entitled to buy her son what she likes and this is just a part of life, my DS has friends who are similar and they may have more extravagant things and will say x has this or that can I have it (a phone for example at age 6?!) and I just say that is lovely for x but I think you are too young/ It's too expensive etc. it is just a part of life really.

I would say something to GM though if it came up and just say it was a shame as DS was really excited and if you had known you could have bought it for him for his birthday.

pollymere · 03/09/2018 08:30

You can often get a Switch from CEX second hand. But I suggest you buy it for Christmas...don't let Santa get the credit!

Catsick36 · 03/09/2018 09:02

Don't buy it. Stick to your guns. You didn't promise him. You warned him gm might not get it for him. You didn't promise break, it's gm issue tell your son to speak to her about it. Repeat until he gets the point.

Confusedbeetle · 03/09/2018 09:08

Do not buy one. That woul be a very bad lesson and would set you up for future trouble. This is a life lesson that would actually do him good and stop him being entitled.

Bluelady · 03/09/2018 09:20

Yes, great life lesson - people who love you are untrustworthy and break their promises. I think that's life lesson most people would prefer their kids avoiding.

HollyWollyDooDah · 03/09/2018 10:06

To be honest I think yabu to be mad at both dsis and gm

As kids we were always taught not to expect, my dd doesn’t expect (she’s 7) and never has done

She does however really want the Lego friends hotel (£100+ of Lego) so I have said if she earns some money from jobs around the house I will pay some towards it - maybe you could do that?

fishonabicycle · 03/09/2018 10:08

For god's sake don't give in to his whining. It's a bloody toy and sure - his GM shouldn't have said she would get it in the first place but you never said you would. Stick to it. He has a Wii already and he's what - 6 years old? He will survive just fine without getting everything he wants.

busyhonestchildcarer · 03/09/2018 10:18

Could you get him to save for it by giving him jobs to do? Explain that your mum shouldn't have promised but she quite rightly looked at the recommended age and decided it wasn't appropriate but maybe she should have spoken to you beforehand and that was just an error of judgement..

SerenDippitty · 03/09/2018 10:21

Your DS just bought your nephew a £250-£300 console, when it easn’t his birthday or Christmas or anything, to keep him quiet? Shock