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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this gift situation

178 replies

Backstronger · 31/08/2018 20:54

It was my son's birthday recently and top of his list was a Nintendo switch. I told him from the start I wouldn't get it as he has another older console that was given to him by a relative after he bought a new one which I felt was sufficient.

Anyway he asked his GM who said she would buy him the switch. I warned her at the time it was really expensive but she said no it's for my first grandson etc. I didn't give it much thought and didn't encourage ds telling him she might or might not get it dont get too excited.

My ds started boasting to his cousin who is also games console mad that he was getting a switch which I heard and kept reminding him not to get his hopes up. My nephew has loads of techy things e.g. ipad, games consoles etc but kept going on to his mum to get him a switch and after a few weeks of this she did. Now her son began boasting to my ds that he got a switch before him. Angry

My son then really became fixated on getting his switch and couldnt be distracted. It also didnt help that he had played on his cousins and his cousin had at times made him feel bad because he hasn't got one. To console him at those times I stupidly said oh remember grandma said she would get it but in my defence she had to both me and him.

So come the day of his birthday he of course was eagerly waiting for grandmas present only to find that she had got him a toy instead because the nintendo switch was too advanced for his age (he is under 10 think key stage 1). You can imagine how disappointed he was.

Now I am put in the position of having to get him a switch partly because gm let him down and partly to keep up with the bloody Joneses cause my sister just couldn't handle her ds going on about it so bought it to get him quiet.

AIBU to be annoyed at both dsis and ds's gm?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 31/08/2018 23:20

Must admit I'm waiting for all the disappointed threads come Christmas because of wank presents. Maybe save this one to link so people can put things into perspective that if a child should be able to manage their expectations then an adult certainly should.

This is a child who was promised, forget it was a gaming system which seems to be the work of the devil on here. You don't promise a kid and go back on it!

gamerchick · 31/08/2018 23:22

I'm thinking people are projecting that Mr frosty they so so wanted as a kid Grin

Bluelady · 31/08/2018 23:23

What CountDuck said. Poor child, I really feel for him. He's just leant that the adults in his life don't keep their promises. That's a tough one.

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 31/08/2018 23:24

Don't buy the switch! Let you child learn you don't always get what you want no matter how much you moan.

Twillow · 31/08/2018 23:35

Your sister is a cow. Your mum made a mistake to promise but it's her choice what to choose. But DON'T make a rod for your own back and get it now as he'll always expect to get what he wants - christmas isn't too far away you could have a chat with your mum about pooling for it.

sonypony · 31/08/2018 23:36

YANBU. It's not that he's just having a tantrum and moaning just because he asked and you said no. He's been promised and waited patiently for this getting more and more excited for weeks. That's horrible. What a mean thing for a grandma to do.

QuickWash · 31/08/2018 23:46

This sounds hard and disappointing all round but - and I say this from the position of my children never having played on a games console, so may be wide of the mark - don't buy it. You can't addird, he shouldn't have it, you don't think he should have it. He received lots of other things for his birthday that he could be distracted with and you could highlight to him all the things you will do with him that are wayyyy better than sitting inside glued to a screen.

It sounds like everyone has got a bit bitter and disappointed all round the best thing you can do is make a conscious decision to change tack and take a completely fresh approach. Make the break. There will always be a newer, shinier, faster or more exciting game or console that you could have, it will never end. Better that you help your son to see that now and give him the tools to put it all in perspective.

I would have a proper conversation with the gm at some point about future gifts. Maybe set a budget limit or suggest that dgm buys an experience rather than a thing each year so as to avoid a repeat next time.

gamerchick · 31/08/2018 23:51

and I say this from the position of my children never having played on a games console, so may be wide of the mark - don't buy

Yes you are wide off the mark. Replace the games console with something else your kids were promised that you did approve of instead. This isn't about a bloody console, it's about something he really wanted, was promised and has had rubbed in and will have rubbed in his face by his cousin.

People just see games console and their mouths turn into slits on here Hmm

Bluelady · 31/08/2018 23:53

It's not about a games console. It's about an adult breaking a promise to a little boy and him having his nose rubbed in it by his cousin. When you promise a child something, you do what you've said you will. If you don't you destroy their trust. I feel incredibly sad for him.

sockunicorn · 01/09/2018 00:08

i would be most annoying at GM. you dont promise a child something and then decide youre not buying it! I would definitely, politely, point out the trouble she has caused and ask her to be careful with her false promises in future.

QuickWash · 01/09/2018 00:26

"People just see games console and their mouths turn into slits on here "

Nice.

Honestly, I'm aware I'm coming at it from a different angle and I have no idea in what way these consoles differ but I was trying to offer a way of changing his and her thinking on it. The op said herself that she warned him not to get his up, that she didn't think he should have it and that he already has a console.

We know nothing about whether the gm even has the means to buy it for him, whether she's ever bought anything like this before etc and how realistic her saying she was going to get it was.

I agree it's a really sad and disappointing situation but it's done now so it's all about damage limitarion which doesn't, imo, mean the op has to buy him a console she already has said no to, and doesn't think he should have. She can't possibly demand the gm buys it either now or in the future.

Original poster
Backstronger · 01/09/2018 03:29

The whole games console thing started when his dad got him one which he keeps at his home. Ds before had never had one though he had handheld ones.

Relative of mine promised to give him his console but never followed through (this is a theme) but Ds was not that bothered as he played on consoles at his dad's and whenever he visited this relative so it didn't matter if we didn't have it at ours. So he did technically have other consoles he had access to just not one in my home which tbh I preferred as I felt it was a bit soon to start him off on that.

Anyway when dnephew got the switch that's when I asked relative to actually pack up the old wii and present it to Ds as a gift like he had initially promised. Ds was happy but by this point had become obsessed with the switch so he saw it as a stepping stone to get that.

Dnephew has got sn which is what my dsis would use to defend why she got it for him. That he was similarly obsessed but more so because of his sn. I don't have a problem with her getting it for him but why just before ds's birthday. Both boys spent a large amount of time at my dms over the summer so it was like it was rubbed in his face abit especially as dnephew turned up with a wii, ipads etc. The other stuff I didn't really care about but it was the switch i knew he would feel more strongly about. Luckily as holidays have ended they won't see each other much till the next school holiday possibly but I'm just hoping he wont care so much by then.

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 03:35

You need to explain very clearly that dn gets these things because they have more money than you, not because his father lives at home.

Dn probably gets DLA too.

Original poster
Backstronger · 01/09/2018 03:49

They do have more money but also a different approach to parenting. I prioritise experiences and time over material things. Dsis and bil are much more likely to buy expensive techy things for their dcs.

Dn is a lovely boy and I don't think he intentionally rubbed it in my son's face to be cruel. It's just normal children behaviour i guess to kind of say look what I got and get possessive over it. Ds would probably behave in a similar way though he is normally good at sharing (unless it's with his brother).

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 03:58

This all started because your ds was boasting to his cousin so he isn’t completely blameless in all this.

If they buy stuff and you buy experience then so be it. That part sounds a bit smug on your part, and actually also a bit judgemental - almost like you are suggesting they substitute stuff for time.

I predict you will buy the switch. And you can’t afford it as said above. What will you and your ds be going without to fund this purchase?

TwoBlueShoes · 01/09/2018 04:25

They are really expensive. My son's been asking for one for a while, but I haven't had the money, maybe I'll get it for him for Christmas. Perhaps that's an option for you too?

I wouldn't say anything to grandma. She probably just didn't realise how expensive they are. I know you said they were expensive, but maybe she was thinking around 50-100 quid of expensive, not 300 pounds including one game kind of expensive.

HoppingPavlova · 01/09/2018 04:28

It’s only 4 months to Xmas, get it then. 2 birds, 1 stone.

OutPinked · 01/09/2018 07:41

KS1 children don’t need expensive games consoles. I mean, nobody does but Jesus at that age?

You’re peed off because someone said they’d buy your DS something expensive but then didn’t and now you’ll ‘have’ to get it instead. You don’t have to at all.

You're putting yourself in the position of buying the Switch. You don't have to.

^ this.

Bluelady · 01/09/2018 09:25

I agree you don't have to buy it and actually it would be pointless now because the shine's been well and truly taken off it for him. Nothing can restore the trust he's lost in the adults in his life, he'll never believe grandma's promises again and his world view has irrevocably changed. There's no going back from this one, the games console is completely irrelevant.

BarbarianMum · 01/09/2018 09:34

If you take my advice you will hold off getting into him expensive gaming systems for as long as possible. He is too young. Yes he's disappointed now - he'll get over it if you help him. From the ages of 9 onwards he'll be disappointed every birthday and Christmas that he hasnt got the latest gaming whatever (except for the few when he does) bevause the pressure on him to have it will be intense.

BarbarianMum · 01/09/2018 09:39
HugeAckmansWife · 01/09/2018 09:41

DS is 9 and loves his wii. I'd prefer he spent time on lego or whatever but that's his 'thing'. It may be old fashioned by gaming standards but the games are friendly, safe, don't involve online collaboration and can be played as a family. He also wants a switch but I really can't afford it so he won't get it. I think at 6 it's hard he's been promised and let down and I get why you're cross but I would maybe focus instead on having fun with his wii.. Take him to CEX to exchange / buy new games and play with him..get the most out of what to him is still a new toy.

Dollymixture22 · 01/09/2018 09:44

Your mil is s bitch. Sorry but that was a cruel thing to do to your little boy, I totally understand why he feels let down , any child would be gutted. She has demonstrated to him that she isn’t reliable.

If you can possibly afford it I think you should get him the switch. But don’t over extend yourself.

Have you spoken to his dad, his mum created this situation. Could he contribute to the switch?

Dollymixture22 · 01/09/2018 09:46

However, I would say he will soon move on from the switch. My friends son got one for Christmas and within less than a year he was saving for an Xbox.

Lethaldrizzle · 01/09/2018 09:50

It's a horrible situation and I guess you will be getting him one for Xmas by the sounds of it but at least you have a few months left before he turns into a little starey eyed zombie

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