To be annoyed about this gift situation

[Backstronger]

It was my son's birthday recently and top of his list was a Nintendo switch. I told him from the start I wouldn't get it as he has another older console that was given to him by a relative after he bought a new one which I felt was sufficient.

Anyway he asked his GM who said she would buy him the switch. I warned her at the time it was really expensive but she said no it's for my first grandson etc. I didn't give it much thought and didn't encourage ds telling him she might or might not get it dont get too excited.

My ds started boasting to his cousin who is also games console mad that he was getting a switch which I heard and kept reminding him not to get his hopes up. My nephew has loads of techy things e.g. ipad, games consoles etc but kept going on to his mum to get him a switch and after a few weeks of this she did. Now her son began boasting to my ds that he got a switch before him.

My son then really became fixated on getting his switch and couldnt be distracted. It also didnt help that he had played on his cousins and his cousin had at times made him feel bad because he hasn't got one. To console him at those times I stupidly said oh remember grandma said she would get it but in my defence she had to both me and him.

So come the day of his birthday he of course was eagerly waiting for grandmas present only to find that she had got him a toy instead because the nintendo switch was too advanced for his age (he is under 10 think key stage 1). You can imagine how disappointed he was.

Now I am put in the position of having to get him a switch partly because gm let him down and partly to keep up with the bloody Joneses cause my sister just couldn't handle her ds going on about it so bought it to get him quiet.

AIBU to be annoyed at both dsis and ds's gm?

@gamerchick - Mr Frosty projection! Sooo true! Made me really laugh!

Given that money isn't the issue, I really fail to understand your MiL, OP. The time to research the appropriateness or otherwise of the console was before she made the promise. I hope this has taught her a lesson that you never renege on a promise made to a child. At her age you'd think she already knew that.

It's hardly life destroying for the lad. Sometimes things happen and we can't get what we want. Everyone has disappointments. One year my kids really, really wanted one of those Hatchimals for Christmas. I did my best but they were sold out everywhere and I wasn't paying mega-bucks to get one on eBay, so I apologised and got it the next year. They were fine. 🤷‍♀️ No ongoing trauma that I'm aware of.

This thread is gobsmacking. A child is disappointed because he didn't get the toy he wanted. Yes granny promised it to him but his mum warned him not to count on it. Nothing terrible has happened to him.

I couldn’t agree more.

GM shouldn't have promised it him. If she thought it wasn't appropriate she should have spoken to the OP to let her know she wasn't going to buy it. It's hardly surprising the boy is upset and disappointed. The fault lies with his gran imo 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't buy a Switch just because granny didn't get it. It's a good lesson to learn that sometimes you don't get things but if you really want them then you can save up for them instead. I'd talk to him about Christmas and maybe asking for money towards one instead. Possibly this could be a start of some pocket money?

We did this with DD (under 10 also) who wanted her own tablet and has been going on about it for ages. She wanted my iPad but even though I don't really use it, younger DS does. So, she decided to ask for money or Amazon vouchers (if people wanted to) towards a Kindle Fire. She's had to buy a case and a memory card for it too (possibly boring gifts) but she's learnt that expensive things don't just drop in her lap.

I'd absolutely get your DS involved in saving towards a Switch. He'll absolutely appreciate it when he's worked towards it. You'll also get a measure of how much he really wants it or if it was just a fad.

I definitely don't think you should buy a switch now - his birthday is over and he has had his presents.
If you do decide to get one, perhaps Christmas would be a good time and this would be a large present for the whole family in my house.
Remember, your son is only in ks1 - there's plenty of time for expensive consoles like this and I really do think little children should be playing with toys over electronics.

I'd but it. He's only little and it's not like it's a tantrum over something unreasonable. Kids are so black and white. He wanted a thing very badly, he was promised it and left to get excited and then let down. And then from his point of view to add insult to injury, his cousin has one.
As I've said before, not everything has to be a life lesson. A child being let down by a close person is very confusing and I know, if it was me anyway, I would want to fix it. He will learn about let downs when he's older.
This is all on the basis that it can be afforded of course

I would not take it personally. My bet is that the nan did not realise how expensive it was to buy! Its not your nephews fault for wanting one, nor is it your sisters fault for being able to afford one! Nor is it your sons fault for expecting one as promised by nan! I do think that if the nan gave him some money to go towards one instead of a random toy, it would have gone down better?! Can you return the toy for money towards the switch?

We had a similar situation. My nephew wanted a switch and my sister bought one for him straight away. This is fair enough as it their money. This made my daughter sad as she really wanted one but I could not afford it. I told her if she really wanted it then we would have to pool together pocket, birthdays and christmas money. It would be for the family to play with. It took a while but she was so happy when we finally got one. It was a good lesson. She realised that because it was expensive that it took longer to save up for. Now the children often pool together pocket money to buy a DVD or a new game for the switch to share. The switch is really good. Both my five and eight year olds play on it. When they're in bed..sometimes my husband and I play on it too lol!

its awful that she got his hopes up, even if it was unintentional. I do agree that the Switch is very expensive, but perhaps it may be worth looking at a second hand one? as an xmas present maybe? I don't think it is not age appropriate, (I know a few kids that have one) but maybe you should speak to the nephew and son together about the boasting? good luck! :)

I don’t think there are many second hand ones about.

there are a few on preloved.co.uk. however, they are collection only unless you message and ask if they can be posted x

I don't understand what the problem is. He was warned she may not buy it for him and she hasn't so he doesn't receive the item. What kind of parent would then buy it to keep up with the Joneses? What message does that send out to the child?

The message that some adults are trustworthy, perhaps?

I wouldn’t buy him one. It’s not your fault he didn’t get it, and you did warn him. I’d get him saving for it himself and maybe by Christmas he could get the rest of the money for it - mine appreciate things so much more when they go to the shop and pay for things with their own money than when they just get given it.

As for it being age inappropriate, given that lots of the games have a content rating of 3+ it’s a pretty poor argument so I don’t think you are BU to be annoyed at GM.

Dsis however can do what she likes and you just need to suck that up.

What an awful thing to do to a child. I hope she feels ashamed. She should have at least warned you in advance.

And I also would buy him one op. So I'm with you there. I don't see this as some valuable opportunity for him to learn that life is shit and people can't be trusted.

Can you speak to his father and offer to split the cost?

Thank you for the replies. I think I will wait and see how he is when he gets back. If he is not too bothered I might just leave it or involve him in saving up for it somehow. I definitely won't buy it straightaway. I'd rather save that money to go towards something else rather than a games console but just depends on how he is when he gets back. Hopefully he will have forgotten.

Have you told your Ex what his mother has done? What does he think?

Good luck! I really want a switch. I love Splatoon.

I really hope his dad got it for him.

You really do not need to buy this for him!

How is he OP?

GM is not dnephew gm. She is his dad's mum.

GM is Switch Owners Dad's mum.

Switch owner is the boy.

The lady is his GM.

Just say no he needs to handle disappointment.If you give in what will it be next things will get more and more expensive

Completely agree with amicissimma.

Would also say, as a single parent, it will prove really, really valuable to you not to give him everything he wants but take the time to explain why he cant have this or that - whether the reason is affordability, or suitability or whatever else. When you parent alone you don’t have another person to step in and help when DS inevitably misbehaves, it’s the end of the day, you’re tired etc etc. This can be extra motivatation to get into good habits. So as he gets older you can really enjoy your time together!

Also perhaps worth talking to your ex and agreeing to share the cost for Christmas or whatever... staying on the same page with this stuff may help limit the opportunities he has to play you off against each other as he gets older. Neither of you wants to be the one who “never” or “always” gets him these types of things...

FWIW Children are often pretty good at understanding “X chose to do this but I’m your mummy and I’m choosing to do something else for the following reason”. Helps them understand rules and outlook are not universal.

I would be annoyed with DM but you have no reason to be annoyed with DSis. If your DM thought it was too advanced she should have told you in advance of the birthday. Did DS get birthday money he could put towards a Switch?