To ask you what you think of people who don't drive?

[Landtosea]

So I'm late in life to learning to drive for a variety of reasons, a lot of them to do with driving causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I don't generally tell people this is this the reason though.

So recently I got a new job and it was raised in the interview that I don't drive - driving wasn't listed as an essential criteria but it was asked as part of the application process. I still got the job but it was mentioned that I should start learning, which I have but it's going pretty slowly, unfortunately. As part of my job about once a month I have to go to a site which isn't easy to get to on public transport and if colleagues are going they always offer lifts, and I feel so embarrassed and wonder if they think I'm a total loser for not being able to drive. I try not to tell people if I don't have to as I'm really ashamed of it but obviously in this context it's not possible for me to hide it. My colleagues always offer and are really nice about it but they probably judge me or talk about it behind my back (or perhaps I'm just projecting). They get their mileage paid for by work but I know it's still annoying to drive others and they probably will get annoyed about it if I don't get my license soon.

I know a lot of people on this forum talk about CFs who always expect lifts but I hate getting them and will turn down social invitations saying I'm busy because I know people often feel obliged to offer lifts if I explain it'll be difficult/impossible to get there. I don't want to be seen as a sponge and although a lot of people say not driving doesn't inhibit them, it definitely does for me and I can't see how it doesn't for others - so many people's houses and activities aren't easily accessed by public transport unless you're in London.

What do you think of people who don't drive? Do you think less of them or am I just imagining it?

I don't think much about it.

I grew up on a farm and my parents paid for driving lessons from when I was 17. However, I proved not to take to it naturally, and didn't pass till I had left home, and then couldn't afford to run a car, so apart from occasions when I was back home and my parents insisted I drive to keep my hand in, I barely drove till I was in my late 20s and could finally afford a car - and when I did, I took a refresher lesson and a motorway lesson, which really helped my confidence. But I still cycled and walked a lot (I don't cycle now - I've lost my nerves on the road.) I still use the train if it's an option for where I'm going. But I do appreciate having the choice.

I have a cousin who didn't learn to drive till their late 40s when they moved out of London. I've got a friend who just didn't replace his car when his last one failed. He lives and works in a city centre and walks a lot, but he has also hired a car to go away for a weekend, to a wedding or something. I've a friend who gave up learning to drive through nerves, so she's always lived in cities - but she's an academic, and universities are often in cities with good public transport. She's really great with finding obscure bus routes and does a lot of hiking on places you'd think might need a car. Another friend who doesn't drive could just never afford to learn. She too lives in a city centre.

I don't judge them for not driving - they manage their lives accordingly, and it's just a fact about them, like being vegetarian or liking ballet or something. We usually meet somewhere on a railway line - or if I go to visit, I usually insist we go out somewhere local, but that they can't usually get to, because they might as well make the most of having access to a car and driver for once.

I'm usually happy to give people lifts, because I don’t often have to do it. Where I would get judgemental would be with someone who takes the piss and expects it - and then I'm judging them for being a CF, not for not driving.

I assume most of my other friends can drive, but in some cases, I have no idea. Colleagues who walk to work, I know for some it's a choice because they live close - but I don't know if it always is - they might not all have access to a car, whether or not they ever learnt. I do assume most people in the office drive, but I don't outside of work, at evening and exercise classes, unless I have seen them drive, or they have mentioned it.

honestly, I judge them a bit for being ineffectual and weak.

I understand that it can be stressful for some, but I think people who can't be bothered are usually CF without realising it.

Regarding parallel parking, the easiest way is just to angle your wingmirror down so you can see where the kerb is (providing you have electric mirrors).

I think they're quite selfish. It's a key life skill and I question it if it isn't on a CV.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

OliviaStabler Why judge them? What makes you feel entitled to do that? So, if somebody needs to drive to get around and can't/won't drive - what skin is it off your nose?

It's one thing to be a bit surprised as we're a car-owning society, but it's quite another to look down said nose at somebody who doesn't drive. You (general) don't have to give them lifts if you don't want to, no need to be a dick about it though. (not aimed at you, generally).

Where did I say I look down nose at them? I said it raises eyebrows and it did where I lived.

There was no public transport but you could get a lift on the school bus but that only ran term time obviously. No, none of us had to give lifts but as a community you help each other out. No food shopping deliveries etc in those days so the non driver was always asking for favours and cadging lifts. As I said, we helped out to be neighbourly but it was bloody annoying so I think I am entitled to a raised eyebrow or two.

@calpop
Why would you feel that someone that can't drive is 'ineffectual' or 'weak'? Such odd assumptions.

I can drive but don't particularly enjoy it and think that it definitely makes me lazier. As someone that doesn't do a great deal of formal exercise, I always notice how much better I feel when I have walked a decent amount in a day but I often find that I take the car for convenience or ease. I think if I was forced to walk more then it would definitely make me healthier.

I always wonder how they cope, as for me in my situation it would make life really difficult. I live fairly rurally with hardly any public transport and everywhere too far apart to walk. This is the life I’ve built though so I guess if I couldn’t drive I would have built a different life. I don’t like driving and wouldn’t if I didn’t have to.

I don’t mind giving lifts but it does irritate me if it’s all the time as I can’t always be as flexible as I want (ie stopping somewhere on the way home). I used to give someone a lift to work and she was always late - sometimes only by a few minutes but that made a huge difference in rush hour traffic

Why would you put driving on a CV?! Unless it was for a job involving driving of course...

I don't / can't drive because I don't want to. I had some lessons & hated it. And yes, it's absolutely my responsibility to get myself places.

So I live in London, where I can get along fine, & when I'm going somewhere else the first thing I do is pull up details of local public transport. If someone offers me a lift I thank them, give petrol money & buy them coffee or lunch.

It works for me. And if some people assume I'm ineffectual & weak just because of that then we probably wouldn't get on anyway.

@loveItMoreEveryDay

It's a key life skill and I question it if it isn't on a CV.

Surely you only ask about driving if it is required as part of role?

I can't afford to. I can drive but there's no way I can afford a car and to keep it. I don't even think about why other people don't. No idea why anyone would think it was weak!

The thing is, a lot of people will base their view on people who can't drive on their own experiences e.g. living where there's no good public transport.

It's important to remember that not everyone has the same lifestyle. I can only speak for myself but being a non driver I have adjusted my life accordingly so that it's easy for me to get around, I purposely moved to a town with a lot of buses and a train station. I think a lot of us who don't drive do this.

I once had to give a lift to a children's party entertainer as he didn't drive and asked for lifts everywhere.

He deliberately didn't drive as he was an eco warrior and spent the whole 40 minutes telling me about his earth toilets and how he hadn't defacated into water for 30 years.

It wasn't even my child's party nor had she been invited to this party. I'd been asked to take this guy as a favour for a school mum who was friends with him.

He didn't offer me any money.

As long as you don't do any of the above, you'll be fine. My brother didn't drive until he was 48 and he only drove then because he started a family late in life.

Spot on BitchQueen
I drive because I need to, especially with Northern Rail being on strike for the next few Saturdays and the need to go to university open days.

Wow! Weak, ineffectual, selfish? How charming some of you are I don't drive for a number of reasons - we don't need/can't afford a second car that would probably only be used twice a week, we live in a city with great transport links and frankly driving makes me very anxious and I don't enjoy it at all.

I make my own arrangements re:transport and accept that not driving means I can't always attend things that require driving to. This means I do miss out on some play dates etc but I would never ask for a lift. Occasionally people kindly offer, and I always offer petrol money. Key life skill, bollocks!

That's the thing about not driving @BitchQueen90, you have to adjust your life around it as opposed to just being able to live/work/go wherever and whenever you please. I'm always envious about the level of convenience driving can bring about.

That being said, it's sad that not driving is viewed by some as weak and unattractive. I think that of myself often for not driving so I guess I can't really blame others for thinking the same.

As long as they don't rely on others to ferry them about I don't give it a second thought.
It is a bit short sighted though. FIL is about to have to give up and MIL is panicking as she would never contemplate learning. The thought of now paying for taxis (which they can well afford) is bringing her out in a cold sweat.

If you live in central London with tube and excellent public transport then not driving isn't an issue.

If you have a young family and end up doing all the ferrying around to Football, rugby, guides, friends pickups, shopping etc... then yes you become very resentful of the non-driver

I don't/can't drive, not through want of trying! I am mid thirties with 3 DC & have to rely on public transport or DH for getting around. I hate that I can't nip out anywhere in the car or take them on days out that don't require military precision.
I have tried several times doing a crash course & then regular weekly lessons I feel I get to a point then can't progress. I wish I had done lessons when I was younger and probably would have been a lot more confident.
I see how people drive now & it terrifies me and then the thought of driving the DC about... ugh cold sweat thinking about it! But I would love to be able to, just need to get through this!

Thesearepearls my dd also 18 has no interest in learning to drive either. We have excellent bus links here to a couple of nearby cities and several towns and also good links to the rail station. She has no need for taxis on a night out because the bus stop is a few minutes from our front door and runs until gone 3am. She's off to University in a city this month where you can't take a car and it too has excellent transport links. So in her mind it's a waste of money.

These people who think it’s selfish, weak or ineffectual, would you say the same about people who can’t sing or ski or do embroidery? It’s a skill that not everyone can master. Granted it’s a far more common skill than those things but as this thread has proved there are some people who can’t do it no matter how much they try

An ex boyfriend I was with for 3 months couldn't drive. This didn't matter when I was visiting him in London because we travelled by tube. But when I took him to my childhood home to spend a week there, I had to drive him everywhere and it really hacked me off.

He had done a few sessions on car maintenance to show willing, but that made me even more irritated with him when he told me I should drive home on a flat tyre.

It wasn't exactly the reason why I finished with him a week later, we were basically incompatible, but it played a part. It also showed me that I didn't want to be in a relationship with a man who can't drive, because I don't want to have to do it all.

In your situation, though, I wouldn't worry about it. You're not inconveniencing anyone, if they're going out there anyway. And you also sound very considerate about it as well. Possibly too much so, actually. I have no issue with picking up a friend if I've invited them to my house, because I want them to be able to come.

If a group of us are going somewhere, it's perfectly acceptable to have a lift. You should always offer to pay for petrol or maybe for parking. I generally say there's no need, but it's irritating when people don't offer.

The CFs are those people who ask for a lift somewhere and for you to pick them up, just because they don't want to pay for public transport, or don't want to be caught in the rain. (Just put a coat on!)

It would make your job easier for you if you can drive, so I think you should persevere.

I'd think it was very weird because I know such a tiny number of adult non-drivers. Everyone I know can drive and has access to a car. The only person I know who doesn't drive is so poorly-sighted that she has a guide dog. All the kids' friends parents drive, everyone I work with drives.

I'd think it was very weird because I know such a tiny number of adult non-drivers. Everyone I know can drive and has access to a car.

I'm guessing you don't live in London then, Polkerris .