Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you what you think of people who don't drive?

260 replies

Landtosea · 31/08/2018 15:22

So I'm late in life to learning to drive for a variety of reasons, a lot of them to do with driving causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I don't generally tell people this is this the reason though.

So recently I got a new job and it was raised in the interview that I don't drive - driving wasn't listed as an essential criteria but it was asked as part of the application process. I still got the job but it was mentioned that I should start learning, which I have but it's going pretty slowly, unfortunately. As part of my job about once a month I have to go to a site which isn't easy to get to on public transport and if colleagues are going they always offer lifts, and I feel so embarrassed and wonder if they think I'm a total loser for not being able to drive. I try not to tell people if I don't have to as I'm really ashamed of it but obviously in this context it's not possible for me to hide it. My colleagues always offer and are really nice about it but they probably judge me or talk about it behind my back (or perhaps I'm just projecting). They get their mileage paid for by work but I know it's still annoying to drive others and they probably will get annoyed about it if I don't get my license soon.

I know a lot of people on this forum talk about CFs who always expect lifts but I hate getting them and will turn down social invitations saying I'm busy because I know people often feel obliged to offer lifts if I explain it'll be difficult/impossible to get there. I don't want to be seen as a sponge and although a lot of people say not driving doesn't inhibit them, it definitely does for me and I can't see how it doesn't for others - so many people's houses and activities aren't easily accessed by public transport unless you're in London.

What do you think of people who don't drive? Do you think less of them or am I just imagining it?

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 01/09/2018 08:46

Johnnyfinland
Those things aren't things that are sometimes required for a job.

If someone took a job involving some needlework but had to interrupt others frequently to get others to sort them out then I'd feel the same way.

People can learn to drive or not. I have no feelings about that. No judgement.

I do judge and get irritated when people who don't drive take roles requiring travel but instead expect others to continually act as their taxi service.
(Like the person I mentioned up thread. Area meetings, no car, limited public transport, would get there having blagged a lift and then at the end I'd get put on the spot because 'you're going the same way as Sam'. Yes, but taking Sam to his area is actually an extra 45 minutes. Maybe he should be expected to sort his own bloody transport out instead of expecting people he hardly knows to always bail him out. I'm afraid it's his fault for taking a rural position in an area with limited public transport and no car.)

PolkerrisBeach · 01/09/2018 08:46

I'm guessing you don't live in London then, Polkerris

Most people don't......

steff13 · 01/09/2018 08:47

I would be very surprised, because most people here do drive; it's usually a rite of passage when you turn 16 to get your license. But other than that I wouldn't think anything of it.

BitchQueen90 · 01/09/2018 08:48

London isn't the only place in the country with good public transport Hmm most big towns in the outskirts of cities have good public transport. I live nowhere near London and we have buses, trains and a tram system.

EmpressOfSpartacus · 01/09/2018 08:52

London isn't the only place in the country with good public transport

Absolutely, I'm just using that example because I live there.

PolkerrisBeach · 01/09/2018 08:55

I live in a city with public transport. "Good" would be stretching it a bit though. In fact, the trains on the line to our local station were in the news recently as so many are cancelled/late. Public transport is fine for getting from where I am into the city centre. (Although for two adults and three kids it's extortionate and cheaper to drive in and park).

Public transport couldn't get me the 4 miles to my daughter's dancing class during the day, never mind for picking her up at 9.30pm on a weekday evening. I would have to walk 2 miles, get a train for one stop (about 1/2 mile), and then walk another 1.5 miles to my destination. And back again. Trains are every 30 minutes after 6pm. So that round trip would take well over an hour when it's 10 to 15 minutes tops in the car. No brainer.

EmpressOfSpartacus · 01/09/2018 08:55

I'm guessing you don't live in London then, Polkerris
Most people don't......

No, but as BitchQueen says above there are plenty of big towns now with great public transport, which makes non-driving not just easy but practical.

Ilovecornwalltoo · 01/09/2018 08:55

I find it a bit weird - I do see it as a life skill - and irritating when it impacts on me.

My dp and most of his family don't drive. He would very rarely ask me for a lift unless I was already going somewhere (because he knows I would be less than impressed?), but if we have to drive somewhere, there's no option to share the driving/ I'm the designated driver. Which can be pretty annoying.

Sandstormbrewing · 01/09/2018 09:01

I don't really think anything, positive it negative about people who don't drive.

I do have 2 friends who don't drive and it's slightly annoying that I have to meet her places that are easily accessible to her by public transport or go to where she lives all the time (she's lives to far away for me to pick her up then go somewhere, though I do sometimes) and the other expects me to drive everywhere when I see her. She lives quite a way from me and near DHs family. One time he dropped me off so he could then visit family. She was furious as I couldn't take her stuff to the charity shop or do her big shop at the supermarket!

MaisyPops · 01/09/2018 09:03

She was furious as I couldn't take her stuff to the charity shop or do her big shop at the supermarket!
And I think it's that sort of thing that winds people up.

Sandstormbrewing · 01/09/2018 09:03

I live in the suburbs of a city with good public transport but it's mainly in to and outbid the city centre, to go east or west, I generally have to go into the city then back out which takes about 3 times as long as driving and us more expensive (seeing as I have to run a car anyway).

Sandstormbrewing · 01/09/2018 09:06

MaisyPops yes, I've actually started meeting her in a town equi-distance and traveling by public transport to see her as I like her company but don't like being her errand boy!

MarthasGinYard · 01/09/2018 09:09

I can't relate to them well as find it hard to get my head around.

Started seeing someone in my late 20's who didn't drive. Didn't last long I got sick of it.

Vinylsamso · 01/09/2018 09:17

I’ll be honest.. if your genuinely not one of those people who always wants lifts I wouldn’t think too much about it but i do have an overall presumption about non drivers that they don’t have as much drive (excuse the pun) as drivers. Most non drivers I know have a billion excuses as to why they don’t drive but when you get to know them it seems to be because they’re scared or embarrassed. So therefore I would think you were a bit of a nervous/ procrastinating type. Im sure there are no drivers who don’t fit my theory but you asked so just telling you.

blinkineckmum · 01/09/2018 09:18

Good on them. Adding less to commercialism and pollution. Healthy role models for children.
I resisted until I moved to the countryside aged 30. But some of my neighbours don't drive so there is no excuse.

postcardsfrom · 01/09/2018 09:20

I think your colleagues really don’t mind if it’s now and again. I don’t have a car but can drive so I get lifts occasionally to a site but we lift share and the driver gets the mileage so they’re happy. I know lots of people who don’t drive - London- but I would say it’s a life skill and useful for hols etc. I was a late in life driver and felt a massive relief when i finally passed. And it is useful.

Vinylsamso · 01/09/2018 09:27

Also, the drivers won’t mind giving you a lift if they hear you are learning to drive. It’s the “I don’t need to drive” attitude that drives drivers mad when having to give lifts. Well clearly you do because you’re in my bloody car AGAIN.
Just make sure you keep up with your lessons, it will be brilliant. You’ll soon never have to woyanout this again!

Housewife2010 · 01/09/2018 09:27

I know several friends who don't drive. I don't think any less of them for it ( I'm a nervous driver do have no room to judge). The only one who irritates me is the one who always asks for lifts ( even though she lives in the opposite direction) and who gets huffy if I refuse to squeeze 6 people in a five person car - " It's only round the corner".

SuburbanRhonda · 01/09/2018 09:30

Seriously - how many threads about this topic do we need?

Can people do an advanced search and avoid the same views being posted time and time again, probably in equal numbers?

Yes, I can avoid the thread but I always wonder if by some miracle a new point might be made, but it never is.

Loyaultemelie · 01/09/2018 09:38

I really don't think anything to be honest. I do/can drive but don't often do so and never with the kids because I have chronic migraines. Most of my family and friends do because we are rural. My dgm didn't she was terrified and a couple of friends from school who live in the city don't because they have no need. Each to their own 🤷‍♀️

SusanneLinder · 01/09/2018 09:47

Some people can't drive for medical reasons and that's fine, but I have a CF of an acquintance that expects me to be her taxi service because I do...I ignore the hints..
We do have a colleague that started with us, who can't drive, and it is most annoying because she can't do the same amount of appts as us, as she has to rely on unreliable public transport, despite being told she should get her licence months ago.

EBearhug · 01/09/2018 10:01

i do have an overall presumption about non drivers that they don’t have as much drive (excuse the pun) as drivers.

Whereas among the non-drivers I know are a couple of very high-achieving women.

SuburbanRhonda · 01/09/2018 10:34

I have a CF of an acquintance that expects me to be her taxi service because I do...I ignore the hints..

You don’t have a CF problem, you have a lack of assertiveness problem.

thereareflowersinmygarden · 01/09/2018 11:20

There's also the point that it costs several thousand pounds to learn.

That's why I haven't learnt- where do you get the money from!

Holidayshopping · 01/09/2018 11:41

would you say the same about people who can’t sing or ski or do embroidery?

No-because I would say those are hobbies. You can get through your life without having to do any of those whereas you do actually need to leave the house and get to places, so being able to drive is far more useful.

If you can’t drive, you need an alternative-bus, walk, cycle, asking for a lift etc. If you can’t ski or do embroidery, you don’t need an alternative and it doesn’t impact on you getting from A to B.

I don’t give a crap if people don’t drive as long as they don’t ask me for lifts.