To ask you what you think of people who don't drive?

[Landtosea]

So I'm late in life to learning to drive for a variety of reasons, a lot of them to do with driving causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I don't generally tell people this is this the reason though.

So recently I got a new job and it was raised in the interview that I don't drive - driving wasn't listed as an essential criteria but it was asked as part of the application process. I still got the job but it was mentioned that I should start learning, which I have but it's going pretty slowly, unfortunately. As part of my job about once a month I have to go to a site which isn't easy to get to on public transport and if colleagues are going they always offer lifts, and I feel so embarrassed and wonder if they think I'm a total loser for not being able to drive. I try not to tell people if I don't have to as I'm really ashamed of it but obviously in this context it's not possible for me to hide it. My colleagues always offer and are really nice about it but they probably judge me or talk about it behind my back (or perhaps I'm just projecting). They get their mileage paid for by work but I know it's still annoying to drive others and they probably will get annoyed about it if I don't get my license soon.

I know a lot of people on this forum talk about CFs who always expect lifts but I hate getting them and will turn down social invitations saying I'm busy because I know people often feel obliged to offer lifts if I explain it'll be difficult/impossible to get there. I don't want to be seen as a sponge and although a lot of people say not driving doesn't inhibit them, it definitely does for me and I can't see how it doesn't for others - so many people's houses and activities aren't easily accessed by public transport unless you're in London.

What do you think of people who don't drive? Do you think less of them or am I just imagining it?

I don’t drive. I have very bad eyesight and glasses give me migraines - also I tend to do panic easily when things move near me. Cars shock me as a pedestrian! I did try to learn and was ok at it technically, just very stressed.

So I feel it’s better for the world at large if I don’t get behind the wheel. Do live in London so there’s not much call for it, and choose holidays where the need for driving is minimal and can be covered by cabs/public transport.

Hmmm - it depends.

I have one friend who has a medical condition that means she can’t drive. I never mind going to her house instead of her coming here, taking her wherever we want to go, or giving her lifts to places that take her a long time to get to by public transport, especially the hospital. But locally she walks and cycles loads. I wish she would ask more often when she’s going somewhere difficult to get to as I really don’t mind, but I can’t offer if I don’t know she’s going and she hates asking for lifts.

If anyone is genuinely terrified or genuinely unable to drive I don’t mind at all giving lifts and frankly, we are ALL better off with them not driving!

However, unless there was a medical condition I could not live with someone who didn’t drive. I don’t want to be solely responsible for doing all the crap that’s easier by car, or doing all the ferrying of children etc

...and the people who just choose not to bother learning, but expect everything to be arranged around them drive me bloody batshit. Especially the ones that carp on about their lifestyle choices being SO environmentally friendly. No, they’re bloody well not when everyone else is taking you places, meeting at places YOU can walk to but we have to drive to, meeting in YOUR village so YOU can walk and bang on about how much better it is to walk...well, we would if we could meet in OUR villages instead and take turns, but we can’t because YOU can’t walk there and CHOOSE not to drive ...and breathe...

But Land, honestly, in your situation I wouldn’t mind AT ALL. I’m going anyway, why would I mind taking you too? I wouldn’t! I wouldn’t think you were lazy either. I’d be curious as to why you didn’t drive, but I’m interested in people and their choices etc. Plus, if it’s was not ‘essential’ when you applied for your job, I’d tell them you’ve tried, you’re too anxious and it’s not happening, so site visits need to be arranged with that in mind (lifts with colleagues or work pays for an Uber) IF it wasn’t made clear, at interview, you had to find your own way there.

I learnt to drive (overseas) at 15, got my full license immediately and never looked back, because...FREEDOM!! It was so much easier to learn when I was young, knew everything and was, of course, immortal 🤣.

I couldn’t do the job I do now if I didn’t drive, I couldn’t have had several of my jobs if I hadn’t been a driver (part of the job, not commuting) and I certainly couldn’t have travelled as I have if I didn’t drive. I definitely couldn’t have lived in some places I’ve lived, including where I live now. If I lost my licence (always possible with a health issue) I’d be royally screwed.

I loved living in London& other cities and walking, cycling loads and having GREAT public transport etc. I didn’t have a car then as I didn’t need one, but could hire one if I wanted to.

Driving is so bad for the environment, I struggle to judge anyone who doesn't do it. Driving you to the site wouldn't bother me in the slightest, from your post you sound thoughtful and nice so I would be glad of your company on the drive.

Re. Anxiety and lack of spatial awareness when driving. I think constant practice makes perfect - unless you have health problems that affect it.

I used to be a nervous driver and really bad at maneuvers like parallel parking - failed my test the first time botching that up.

When I moved to a medium-sized city with mainly street parking, though, I became good at it and I can get into really tight spaces. Many cars have back-up beepers or cameras now and that really helps.

Same with motorway driving, I had to drive on a busy section to get to work so I became much more confident. I don't particularly enjoy driving, but I don't get nervous anymore.

"and glasses give me migraines"

Have you considered changing your optician? I wear glasses as I have crap eyesight. I couldn't function without them.

OliviaStabler Why judge them? What makes you feel entitled to do that? So, if somebody needs to drive to get around and can't/won't drive - what skin is it off your nose?

It's one thing to be a bit surprised as we're a car-owning society, but it's quite another to look down said nose at somebody who doesn't drive. You (general) don't have to give them lifts if you don't want to, no need to be a dick about it though. (not aimed at you, generally).

Arsenals, so your mum looks after your children for you and you begrudge dropping them off? You said that it's infrequent so why does that annoy you so much? If it's such an imposition on you to drop off your children to be looked after, why do it? Get some other childcare.

Why would you want to?

It's at moments like this I ask "what would Audrey Hepburn do?"

Smurfy2015 💐 I’m so sorry to hear that, what a dreadful life changer for you. It’s something that could happen to any one of us, at any time.

It depend why. My husband lost his license so I have to drive him around atm until he gets it back which is a pain in the ass but I don’t mind as he has a good reason.
My sister in law doesn’t drive because she can’t be assed so my brother has to drive her everywhere, never gets to have a drink with dinner etc. That’s taking the piss.

I don't drive because I'm dyspraxic with very bad vision in one eye only leading to having no stereoscopic vision.

I can't keep a car straight on the right part of the road, judge breaking distances or timings for things like junctions and roundabouts.

I'm also very very short and really struggled to adequately reach the pedals in a lot of cars.

But where I live has good public transport and I don't ask for lifts (though I'll generally accept them if I'm offered and try to give the driver some petrol money if it's at all out of their way, or offer to pay for parking etc otherwise I feel very cheeky)

I do wish I could drive though.
I'd live far more rurally if I could. But as it stands it's not an option.

"My sister in law doesn’t drive because she can’t be assed so my brother has to drive her everywhere, never gets to have a drink with dinner etc. That’s taking the piss."

I would definitely judge in this case.

I learnt to drive late in life and haven't got any confidence and am a dreamer so do not pay proper attention. So I don't drive. The world is safer with me on public transport

Absolutely fine - it's probably a healthy and certainly environmentally-friendly choice unless you are my pisshead X who is a lazy entitled arse who wanted a chauffeur for his boozing trips

Nothing as long as they don't ask me for a lift. I don't think I know anyone outside of work who doesn't drive.

I don't judge. Only recently started driving myself and it's sooo expensive. Learning was expensive now insurance is expensive. Love the new found freedom but noticed my fitness has massively reduced now I don't walk everywhere

@LoniceraJaponica perhaps I should consider changing opticians. Have been toying with the idea of laser surgery but it squicks me out a bit.

If we move out of London I’ll take a serious look at it. At the moment not being able to drive doesn’t make me dependant on anyone which is when I’d think about big changes to make it happen.

If you need glasses anyway it is still worth trying a different optician.

For those who think driving=freedom, I’m not so sure any more. I hired a car last weekend as I needed to transport a load of stuff from one city to another, and for coming and going when I got there. Would normally do that journey by train. It completely stressed me out - diversions due to motorway closures on a route I didn’t know, navigating unfamiliar one-way systems, traffic jams, searching for parking spaces etc. I felt much better when I handed it back and went back to public transport and the occasional Uber and someone else was driving. And there’s no freedom like a bike!

The thing is, no one is going to turn up on this thread and admit that they don't drive because they can't be bothered and are really cheeky about getting lifts from others.
I do know someone who is a CF about lifts. She did learn to drive, then got married and promptly stopped. Didn't drive ever again.
The problem started when her DH was seriously ill and couldn't drive. She just assumed everyone would give her and her adult daughter lifts everywhere. Including to and from the daughters place of work.
The demands were ridiculous. Emotional manipulation at its finest.
On the other hand, it gave the daughter a massive kick up the bum to learn to drive and she got an automatic licence.
I probably know some others who can't drive, but as they're not lift CFs, I just haven't noticed!

I have a lot of respect for non-drivers because they're destroying the planet less than drivers. I don't drive for a variety of reasons, ecological reasons being at the top of the list. I understand that some people need to drive, but most people don't and would find their life much richer without a car.

I think we have a problem in this country where the people who are doing the right thing by all of us (vegans, vegetarians, non-drivers, non-drinkers, people who consume less) are treated as inferior. We've got it the wrong way round.

Only judge if they expect to be chauffeured everywhere. Otherwise, I don't care. I only learnt to drive because I grew up in the middle of nowhere and not being able to drive wasn't an option. If I lived in a city I wouldn't have bothered.

...and the people who justchoosenot to bother learning, but expect everything to be arranged around them drive me bloody batshit
This.

People can drive or not drive, I don't mind or judge. I'm also more than happy to do lifts for friends etc.

What annoys me is people who opt not to drive and then expect lots of ferrying around (like my former colleague who'd have to blag lifts from everyone by putting us on the spot once he was stuck for lifts for a meeting we had every bloody fortnight).

AmICrazy at what point do you concede practice does not make perfect? Bearing in mind I tried for FIVE YEARS? What about when you run out of money for lessons and/or just have to stop because it’s having a seriously detrimental effect on your mental health?

Didn't realise non drivers were so harshly judged until I came on MN!
I've thrown thousands at trying to learn, literally. Done the theory twice and passed both times (first one ran out)
I also live rurally so yes, not driving is a pain in the arse to be honest, but there's only so much money and time you can feasibly throw at something. I walk a lot, I use the public transport available, and I miss out sometimes.
But what pisses me off like nothing else is the attitude that some drivers have towards me, they are annoyed because I may have to leave somewhere earlier due to public transport, not them! Me! They make the assumption that they'll have to give me a lift - at times I don't even get asked either - when I'm perfectly capable of making my own way there - I don't get asked, I just get told what's happening! Then moaned about! Erm, nope! I will correct people and say actually I'll make my own way thank you! But then I'm ungrateful. How do these people think I get about when they're not there to bestow me with a precious ride in their car?!
For this reason, and the shitty attitudes towards non drivers on this thread (lazy, selfish etc) I flatly refused all lifts because I'm sick of being judged for something I can't do anything about.
Rant over!

@Johnnyfinland

I'm just sharing my personal experience. I started to learn at 17 (had some lessons but took a break as they are def. expensive. I still practiced with family as a provisional driver). Finally passed my test at 21.

I was still a nervous driver though, really bad at parallel parking and would burst into tears sometimes when I was driving in unfamiliar areas.

I then got a job that required motorway driving in heavy traffic and became more confident. At 30, I moved to a city where I literally had to parallel park every day. After a few embarrassing weeks of circling until I could find a massive space , I started getting better at it.

That's my driving experience!