To ask you what you think of people who don't drive?

[Landtosea]

So I'm late in life to learning to drive for a variety of reasons, a lot of them to do with driving causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I don't generally tell people this is this the reason though.

So recently I got a new job and it was raised in the interview that I don't drive - driving wasn't listed as an essential criteria but it was asked as part of the application process. I still got the job but it was mentioned that I should start learning, which I have but it's going pretty slowly, unfortunately. As part of my job about once a month I have to go to a site which isn't easy to get to on public transport and if colleagues are going they always offer lifts, and I feel so embarrassed and wonder if they think I'm a total loser for not being able to drive. I try not to tell people if I don't have to as I'm really ashamed of it but obviously in this context it's not possible for me to hide it. My colleagues always offer and are really nice about it but they probably judge me or talk about it behind my back (or perhaps I'm just projecting). They get their mileage paid for by work but I know it's still annoying to drive others and they probably will get annoyed about it if I don't get my license soon.

I know a lot of people on this forum talk about CFs who always expect lifts but I hate getting them and will turn down social invitations saying I'm busy because I know people often feel obliged to offer lifts if I explain it'll be difficult/impossible to get there. I don't want to be seen as a sponge and although a lot of people say not driving doesn't inhibit them, it definitely does for me and I can't see how it doesn't for others - so many people's houses and activities aren't easily accessed by public transport unless you're in London.

What do you think of people who don't drive? Do you think less of them or am I just imagining it?

My deceased MIL didn’t drive and my unwell DF (85) doesn’t drive. Those are the only two people I know of who don’t drive. Since it’s not part of my everyday life I don’t think about those who don’t drive often if ever.

I am a non driver and I don't judge over non drivers - obviously. I find more that I am offered lifts that I don't particularly want than I ask for lifts. My DH drives and we own a car but we have had the same on for 14 years and the mileage is v low. Me and DH commute by train to work. I plan my life expecting to walk, bus,train, taxi to where I need to be.

Today for instance I took the kids for the big pre school term shopping trip, 3 children needing shoes/ trousers/ stationary the works! DH stayed at home and so did the car. Me and the kids took the train to the town to do the shopping.

I take the kids on day trips and holidays on trains not roads. I don't think of myself as less of an adult or more dependent. I have been independent since I got my first bus pass age 12 and started taking myself to town on the bus. I always find it hard to understand how cars are meant to signify independence, for me they are about depending, on being old enough to drive, able to pass a test, a working engine, enough money to buy fuel, insurance and tax, road networks, parking spaces, the ability of other drivers not to endanger you and your passengers... On my two feet I feel safer and more free!

People who don’t expect and appreciate lifts are fine. Other Cf’s who see you as a free taxi (yes MIL i’m Looking at you) are awful.

I grew up in a rural village and was desperate to learn to drive as we had a very basic bus service! I passed my test at 17, and actively encouraged my DDs to drive as soon as they were 17 as I think it's an important life skill.... they all have jobs which they couldn't have if they depended on public transport. And we live in the village I grew up in.

Non drivers don't bother me remotely unless they have expectations of me being their chauffeur .

We live on the outskirts of a major city(not London) where the public transport is available but is pretty irregular/unreliable.
I definitely know a few who don't drive, I don't judge them but I do wonder why they never got round to it because round here being able to drive is so much easier.
Particularly with kids, lots of places I go to with kids would be really tricky to get to without a car.

But I previously loved in London where it absolutely doable to not drive.

I think not being able to drive and not having a car are very different things though. It costs a small fortune to be insured on your first car, and obviously the car costs a bit as well, so not surprised that puts people off.

I don’t judge at all. When I met my DP he couldn’t drive, he had already failed five times by the time we met. He went on to fail a further three times before he passed. He’s only been driving for a few months. I didn’t judge him one iota and I wouldn’t judge anyone. It’s a rather ridiculous thing to judge someone over tbh.

I am more than happy to offer lifts to people going the same way as me. Saves petrol too, so environmentally friendly if people share lifts, even if they do drive.
I do understand that there may be many reasons someone doesn't drive (an old friend of mine had had a seizure and so was banned for 2 years, not public knowledge)

But I do find myself puzzled by people who just don't, never have and are totally reliant on others for transport, I would find it so restrictive.

And I agree with the PP about people's expectations of women drivers still. It is bizarre

PattiStanger it really depends on where you live. If I moved to London tomorrow I would get rid of my car.

Where I live we have one train an hour. It runs between a couple of towns and one city, but not to all the outlying villages. A number of DD's peers passed their driving test in year 12. Many of them had part time jobs in places that were not accessible by public transport.

Just passed late last year and I'm in my 30's. I still hate driving, but have to do it because I have kids.
I think it was a bit cheeky of your employer to not mention the site visit on job description if it was important. I wouldn't have learned to drive for a once a month site visit to be honest I would expect them to contribute to a taxi instead.
Having said that I'm delighted I did learn as I think it is worth it in the long run. I was very nervous in the beginning.
Good luck with it OP

@Leafyhouse those stats are interesting, thanks for sharing. It seems more common than I thought not to be able to drive as almost 1 in 3 people don't. But in the area I live in it's probably a lot less common.

I honestly can't see how not driving doesn't hinder people unless you live in London. Even if you commute to work and you have supermarkets/doctors/etc in walking distance surely there must be friends and family who don't live in very accessible locations, or activities you might want to do? E.g I love going to National Trust sites and so many aren't in very accessible locations so I can't go that often. Ditto for a lot of nice hotels. This is why I'm determined to push through my anxiety and give driving my very best shot, but it's also why I would never ever judge anyone for not driving, not to mention the cost associated with getting a license and running a car. I have a decent income and I certainly feel the pinch of doing regular driving lessons so I imagine for many it's just not affordable at all, and not everyone has someone to practice with.

@BitchQueen90 well you are ruling out most of the UK there, which is fine but limiting. I don't live rurally- i live in a city with decent internal transport and good links to motorways etc. but I work in the rural surroundings. Good provision really doesn't spread very far.

I couldn't care less if someone drives or not.
If I invite them out socially I'm more than happy to give lifts and often people tend to car share anyway to save petrol and the environment.

The only time I would feel non drivers are cheeky is if they take up a post not driving (zero sign of learning) and then expect people to routinely give lifts etc.

I used to do an area meeting and one person didn't drive. They'd often get a lift to the meeting and then at the end someone would say 'Maisy you're over that way. You wouldn't mind dropping Sam off would you?' I felt backed into a corner because yes I was heading west, but Sam's base was actually 45 mins out my way (20ish each way back to the dual carriageway). In the end I started purposefully scheduling things so I didn't have time to.
I felt Sam was a cheeky fucker taking a job rurually with no car. Every area network meeting was the same story.

Nice post from Cabochard and I agree with it. Driving doesn't make you a superior being.

I think some posters are being dicks by saying that not driving '... somehow makes you less of a grown-up'. Fuck off, it doesn't. Getting off on making nasty little digs makes you less of a person though.

I drive all the time, my husband can drive but prefers me to drive so I do. He's a terrible driver.

I would happily give lifts. It it bothered me I wouldn't but it doesn't so I will. I wouldn't bitch and moan about it as some seem predisposed to.

I think it's a good thing to not drive and not have a car (personally I drive and have a car). I think if you don't it's benefits the environment because not only do you not running a polluting car you haven't bought one either - the manufacturing process is also highly polluting.

I grew up in the countryside where everyone I knew took their test as soon as possible because life without driving was restrictive. I enjoy driving ( well, maybe not the crawl along the M25 at the time on a Friday ) but I would never think badly of someone who didn’t drive, whether that is because they can’t or they won’t.

They have their reasons - maybe timing or finances were never with them , they live in a place where other transport is good, maybe they are right in their own judgement about their own technical, spatial abilities. Maybe they just don’t want to !

! An earlier PP was being very derogatory about people who won’t drive on motorways, saying they’d should just face up to it and try and practice at night or quiet times. Why would you want to encourage people who temperamentally aren’t suited to the challenges of higher speed driving, people who are going to get spooked by others cutting them up or other aggressive actions ?. I don’t want someone panicking and making sudden moves around me - you have to be in a state of alert relaxation on a motorway.

I don't drive, I'd be a complete menace on the roads, I sort of doze off sometimes but apparently I don't have a sleep disorder. So I'd never risk it even if I only sleep for a few seconds.
However I never expect lifts from anyone, I always try to organise public transport or I don't go anywhere. If for any reason I am offered a lift them I'm extremely grateful.

The only way I would judge them was if they needed to drive to get around, could learn but didn't learn. I've lived rurally and you had to drive as public transport is almost non existent. Any non drivers for no good reason do raise eyebrows.

My son learnt to drive as soon as he was old enough, we live rurally. Once he passed his test though we couldn't afford the extortionate insurance premium so he didn't drive from the day he passed until he was 25 so I still had to run him everywhere. Once he got to 25 insurance went down, he bought a car and had a couple of refresher lessons before he drove on his own. It was still good that the test was done and out of the way though.

My DM doesn't drive, even though she used to drive us everywhere when we were little. She basically used to drive despite never having passed her test, but this was back in the 70s & 80s, when things were a bit lapse!

My DF has paid for countless lessons, she was perfectly competent, but bailed out on the test day twice.

It annoys me tbh. I hate the dependency of it - if she's looking after my DCs, which happens very, very infrequently, it irritates me that I have to still do all the dropping them off to where ever she's taking them to, then picking everyone up and dropping her off at her house.

My dad is miserable as anything, and doesn't even want to spend time with my DCs - will actively seek to be "at work," (he's retired,) or be too busy doing paperwork to take them anywhere or even spend time with them at their house. So literally, it's a case of me having to either take them somewhere, or me thinking of somewhere she can get to on public transport. The onus is always on me. I know if she had bothered to sit the test, she'd love the independence - being able to nip places without having to rely on my grumpy dad!

Her life would be so different. I know it annoys my Dsis, too.

As long as they don’t expect me to be driving them everywhere,

Why do so many people assume that the only reasons people don’t drive are if they can’t afford it or grew up somewhere with good transport?

I grew up in a town with shit transport. I started lessons as 17, continued learning for 5 years, failed 5 times. I have no spacial awareness (to the point I crashed into a neighbours car while pulling out of a parking space) I panic, I don’t understand junctions, I don’t feel safe or in control when I’m driving and it gives me anxiety to the point of migraines and nausea. No matter how many times I tried or how long I spent learning, none of that improved. I’m not sure you’d class it as a medical reason as I’m not diagnosed with any condition that would stop me driving but the simple fact is I just can’t do it. So what if you live in a rural village and try and drive and just can’t? How is that selfish? Its like maths or ballet, not everyone can just do it

I dont judge either, I moved to the town/village I now live in about 12 years ago, I was working at the time, I have since had to medically retire but during a working week I drove an average 500-700 miles, and cared for a parent who lived another 15 miles in the other direction who has died a year so after i moved here.

I met my partner in 2008, he isn't allowed to drive to a severe sleep disorder as would be lethal to all. I was happy to do all the driving for both of us and took friends places as well. I really enjoyed driving (note past tense)

Then in 2010, my brain had massive problems I experienced total amnesia where I didn't recognise anyone, I also lost my balance and kept falling, things have only gotten worse since.

My licence was reviewed and on a rare good day I ended up taking a "test" on behalf of the DVLA to see what would happen with my licence. It was a 2-hour test and had 3 parts. I was allowed keep my licence but I had already stopped driving during all that time although the GP informed them as soon as my brain farts happened they said I could carry on, I didnt get behind the wheel as I knew I was a complete danger to all inc myself.

The town/village where i live has very poor transport links, 2 buses go out twice a day and 2 come back in the evening. That's it.

The first bus in the morning is the school bus. I need someone to physically leave me at the bus stop as I cant self-propel the wheelchair I need now and have to ring the bus station in advance if i plan to travel so they can send a wheelchair accessible bus as the whole fleet isnt accessible at this time.

Getting a taxi means that I have to ring a firm in the local city about 15 miles away and get them to come and get me and possibly get home as well. That run costs about £25 each way.

My partners family are extremely good to me and with short notice will try and take me wherever I need to go, I try not to ask too much so I tend to ask only for getting to appointments as I have many of these.

I also try and use the area community transport scheme but as I need a wheelchair accessible vehicle, they have to have a mini bus with ramp available for just me as a passenger so I cant always book them and I need to give at least 3 clear days notice in advance.

I also have a lot of paralysis and am often confined to bed so have to cancel things at short notice and so I am predominately bed/housebound but there is so much i can do online that I sometimes just try to go to appointments which friends drive to and we go have lunch afterwards and maybe an hours shopping if im lucky as the effort of going out can leave me ready to collapse or actual collapse when im out.

So no I wouldnt judge anyone who doesnt drive, there may be good reasons why not.

If you saw me sitting on an armchair but not the wheelchair, i look fine

I would be a total liability on the road and while for some reason I have still retained my licence even when it last came up for renewal and was away for 10 months, I dont have a wish to kill people as I know it would be a only matter of time until I did and I couldnt live with that.

I would love to get back out on the road but its not an option, however it has shown me who my friends are as they are happy to come and get me to go to theirs or come to mine etc.

I'm sorry, I should have added you reasons (which are perfectly valid IMO) in my post.

I guess it is because it is a relatively more unusual reason, and I admit that it didn't occur to me.

I can't drive despite spending a lot of money on lessons. I think it's probably not for me, given my tendency to panic etc. I'm a nervous passenger, not coordinated, all sorts of things. I know loads of people who don't drive, possibly because I've never lived anywhere that it was necessary. I don't ask for lifts, and try to avoid taking them, getting around on my feet, bike, train, etc.

People often insist on giving me lifts places - I'm fairly chatty, probably quite good company, so I assume they enjoy the nice sort of intimate chats you have when driving somewhere.

So anyway, I might not judge non-drivers, but am absolutely judging people who think driving is an essential skill and only people with medical conditions should be exempt from having to learn. Away and find some empathy, people

Interesting so many people on this thread are saying it's a necessary life skill, it's lazy not to learn etc, when elsewhere on MN people are tumbling over themselves to say "if you're not happy parallel parking/on sliproads/on motorways/reversing 100s of yards down a rural lane/etc you shouldn't be on the roads at all ever"