To ask you what you think of people who don't drive?

[Landtosea]

So I'm late in life to learning to drive for a variety of reasons, a lot of them to do with driving causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I don't generally tell people this is this the reason though.

So recently I got a new job and it was raised in the interview that I don't drive - driving wasn't listed as an essential criteria but it was asked as part of the application process. I still got the job but it was mentioned that I should start learning, which I have but it's going pretty slowly, unfortunately. As part of my job about once a month I have to go to a site which isn't easy to get to on public transport and if colleagues are going they always offer lifts, and I feel so embarrassed and wonder if they think I'm a total loser for not being able to drive. I try not to tell people if I don't have to as I'm really ashamed of it but obviously in this context it's not possible for me to hide it. My colleagues always offer and are really nice about it but they probably judge me or talk about it behind my back (or perhaps I'm just projecting). They get their mileage paid for by work but I know it's still annoying to drive others and they probably will get annoyed about it if I don't get my license soon.

I know a lot of people on this forum talk about CFs who always expect lifts but I hate getting them and will turn down social invitations saying I'm busy because I know people often feel obliged to offer lifts if I explain it'll be difficult/impossible to get there. I don't want to be seen as a sponge and although a lot of people say not driving doesn't inhibit them, it definitely does for me and I can't see how it doesn't for others - so many people's houses and activities aren't easily accessed by public transport unless you're in London.

What do you think of people who don't drive? Do you think less of them or am I just imagining it?

@annieannonimoose

People who just choose not to bother learning, but expect everything to be arranged around them drive me bloody batshit. Especially the ones that carp on about their lifestyle choices being SO environmentally friendly. No, they’re bloody well not when everyone else is taking you places, meeting at places YOU can walk to but we have to drive to, meeting in YOUR village so YOU can walk and bang on about how much better it is to walk...well, we would if we could meet in OUR villages instead and take turns, but we can’t because YOU can’t walk there and CHOOSE not to drive ...and breathe...

Yeah, all of this. ^ If people have TRIED to learn and failed, or if there are health reasons, then that's fine.....

However...

People who CHOOSE to not learn to drive piss me off, because many of them often want lifts/expect lifts/cadge lifts, and they often seem to assume that cars run on fresh air.

And as you say, they often want to meet somewhere convenient for THEM, even if it's a ball-ache for YOU to get there.

Many of them are so painfully fucking smug, and high-and-mighty too!

I also couldn't be with a man who has never bothered to learn to drive. Say it's ludicrous if you want, but it would be a deal-breaker for me ...

For one thing, I would find a man not being able to drive VERY odd, and would judge him for it ....... And secondly, there is no way that I would be the designated driver ALL THE TIME, everywhere we go, and with everything we do.

As I said, I know my opinions and views won't go down well with some, but the OP did ask.............

If it doesn't affect me I couldn't care less. If you're happy not driving then it's nobody else's business. It only bothers me when people assume a driver will give them lifts and go out of their way.

I lived in London for 17 years and, of course, never learnt to drive. We now live in a rural town. I can get to shops/doctor etc, as it's a walking distance, but I will have to learn. I'm a bit terrified of it though. I think I'll go at 20mph and everyone will want to kill me, and I won't even be able to say Fuck off because I cannot do speaking and manual operation at the same time.
I do love saying fuck off, you see.
My husband drives, and I always thank him for that, and love being a passenger. When meeting with a friend, I ask them if we are walking somewhere in town, or they pick me up, and say I don't mind walking. Not because I'm afraid I am such a hideous cargo and a huge bother to be driven around, but because petrol is expensive/parking can be a pain and they might want to save money.

I think it boils down to gratitude. Even non-drivers are "useful", can contribute somehow, so those who drive have no right to feel more independent and "adult". They just aren't afraid, that's all. Well, lucky them. But maybe they are afraid of spiders ...

Various views on this thread, I was one who said my perception of drivers were that they were more ‘grown up’, I didn’t mean it nastily at all. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and have learnt and prioritised different things.

OP, I hope I haven’t offended, if I had severe anxiety of fear of doing something I doubt I would do it regardless of anyone else opinion!

I’m glad you managed to master it AmICrazy. The mere thought of it brings me out in a cold sweat. I intend to stay in London for the foreseeable future though so transport-wise I’m fine, if I moved out of London I would have to choose my new location based on the quality of the public transport!

I don't drive - I stopped four years ago when my car failed it's MOT Absolutely hated drivin g, and had no reason to - I like wa lking and public transport near me is decent.
A hag at a bus stop to ok it upon herself to tell me to drive. Completely out of the blue, told me 'you should drive. No excuses. It'll improve your confidence'

bandthenjus - the fuck?! someone dared say that to you? Did you tell her "And you should not open your gob when no one asked you to"?

BUS WANKERS

Nah, not really. You don't drive, you don't drive. I'm sure there are plenty of other things you do well. I think it's a shame we are so car-centric as a society, especially when it comes to jobs. If it's that essential a skill, we should teach it at school really, rather than leaving individuals to shell out ££££s and assuming they're somehow inadequate if they've not had the time to devote to it.

bloodydisgrace yeah! I was just stood there with my shopping piled up around my feet, and she did a bit of armchair (bus shelter?!) psychology, and analysed my personality from the 4 seconds I'd been there. I replied with 'you're totally right. On both accounts. Is your car at the garage then?'

I have to admit that I would find it a bit off-putting in a potential partner. I'm not really sure why - perhaps the worry that I'd become the chauffeur and always be the one ferrying us around and also just that I see learning to drive as kind of one of the growing up 'rites of passage' for someone to go through and a desirable life skill. But then that's solely looking at it on a potential partner basis - my best friend doesn't drive and I've never really thought anything of it or suggested that she learn.

I wouldn't find it off-putting in a potential partner, quite the opposite in fact. I'd assume they are possibly a more thoughtful, kind, fit and healthy, ecologically responsible, less lazy type of person.

Celebelly - unfortunately for all of us, most people think like you. Most people think whatever they are told to think. It's a shame.

I don't drive because I've chosen not to learn. Nothing to do with anxiety or environmental or health reasons, I'm just not bothered about being able to drive. I'll happily admit that!

Me not being able to drive has absolutely no effect on anyone else because I just don't need lifts anywhere. I live in a big town. Work is walking distance. DS's school is walking distance (currently at primary) and when he goes to secondary we have 2 in town to choose from, both also within walking distance. Shops are walking distance. All my family live in the same city. Buses are reliable and often. My ex husband is a train driver and we are on good terms so for longer journeys we can get cheap tickets.

I genuinely can't see how a car would make my life easier and with me being a low earner the added expense would probably make my life harder. I currently only spend about £30pm on public transport, the cost to run a car would be way more.

Re: driving or non-driving partners. I think we like a skill we don't possess ourselves in other people and find it attractive. As a non-driver I really found it sexy if a man drives, simply because we can go to the country walks (not the same by train), and I love countryside. However I would never turn someone down if they didn't drive; they might have other appealing qualities to make up for it.

Celebelly - what if such a man (non-driver) would be excellent with kids and doing a lot of housework, for example? That would be his contribution. Would you still resent him for ending up as a chauffeur yourself?

My DP does drive but he doesn't really like it and it gets annoying for him to be the only driver. I get that and I totally understand, which is also why I'm pushing myself to get this. Still, I'm sure to some people who don't know about my anxiety it appears like I might not be trying. Also maybe couples where only one person drives they try and make up for it in other ways (I do try). There are sometimes hidden issues associated with driving people aren't comfortable talking about.

Also I am happy to get myself to the other work site on public transport and I do, on those occasions when I have to go on my own. It's just that it takes a lot longer and if I did that I'd probably get criticised for taking that option rather than getting a lift. It's awkward for me as I feel like I can't win either way. I'm possibly over thinking it as no one seems to mind but you never know.

I like be quite rurally but have a few friends who don't drive - they are generally much slimmer & healthier!!
Walk when they can,or b7s; occasional taxi - never any expectation of lifts .

I don't understand why people learn in automatics. You're just making a huge rod for your own Back

@SpringSnow what do you mean? What’s wrong with learning to drive an automatic and passing on an automatic? I passed on a manual but drive automatics due to a physical issue. I’ve never had an issue with buying cars, hiring cars or courtesy cars.

I'm 32 and only a few of my friends drive. My mum never drove, she could never afford to, and my dad wasn't in the picture very much. I always noticed our lack of a car growing up but my mum never expected lifts for me anywhere, my friends' parents just offered so I could go on days out etc. I can't drive because I grew up in a big city with good transport and could never afford to get round to it. Since then I have developed various health problems (migraines included) and get panic attacks. I'm worried, if I learned to drive, I would get anxious on the road and have nowhere to pull over and compose myself pretty much. Plus the idea of driving scares me with the amount of risk. We live in an area now with a LOT of car accidents. Cars feel like death traps.

Despite this, we want to get around more easily and will be having children so DH will be learning to drive. Even though I'm nervous about him having an accident. You just hear about it so much.

Sunnyskies - in the UK, if you pass your test in an automatic car then you are only eligible to drive automatics, not manuals. If you pass in a manual then you can drive both.

I am another late driver as I always lived where there was good public transport or cycled.
Then we moved to a rural area,luckily the house purchase took a long time and I learned to drive and passed 2nd time.
My first solo drive I got lost and had to be rescued.My exhaust sat in the car with me as I drove to work then drove home and back so that I could drive home until I was confident(work 21 miles away).The pay off was that I could share the driving though after becoming pregnant I was the main driver.
I am always happy to give lifts to anyone going my way so would have no problem with a work college that needed a lift.

Mild surprise and would assume they have a driving phobia. Would much rather do the driving than be a passenger.

I can't drive. If i tried,I would kill someone- maybe myself or my kids.
I wish I could drive- (widowed- so can't afford a car anyway....) but I know it would change mine and my kids' lives. We can't go anywhere ( although mostly cos we have no money) and just stay at home. It has really narrowed what jobs are available to me ( commuting). I can only do my sport once a week. Our lives are so dull and limited.
I have spent thousands over the years on taxis to DC's activities when they are too far away or finish too late to walk.
On the plus side, we walk loads so that's fresh air and exercise. We are lucky to live in a great community with lots of local facilities. Can walk easily to school, doctors, dentist, shops, cafes, library, leisure centre, church, parks. And thank goodness for online shopping. Plus it's better for the environment I suppose.
I'm so grateful if someone offers me a lift.

There are two factors here that I have noticed.

The first is that the younger generation is not busting a gut to learn to drive. DS (18) can't be bothered to learn despite me offering to pay for him to learn. He doesn't need to or want to. He's fine using public transport and he's going to university in a city where he can't keep a car. And the same is true of many of his friends and my younger cousins.

The second is that there are many places in the UK where you can live sensibly without driving and if you can live sensibly without driving, why would you? It's much better for you to walk or cycle or run or scoot or whatever.

The only problem for non-drivers is if they live somewhere where driving is pretty well essential - in which case their lives are harder. As here. although this is job-related.

Just saying to PP - if you expect everybody to drive, where do you expect them to get the money from? I'm lucky enough to have parents willing to pay for me at 24 because I'm disabled and mentally ill, but this means I need a lot more lessons because I'm terrified of the road and I need my confidence. Somebody overtook me at a (very quiet) junction the other day and nearly got into a crash over 5 seconds of me trying to judge if it was safe to go.

lessons are not cheap. £25 an hour is not affordable for everybody, especially not those who would benefit from being able to drive.

@AmICrazyorWhat2 I go a year at a time without having to parallel park so when I have to do so it takes me ages to get into a space. Realising that I park when it is quiet.

You made me realise it is probably 2 years now since I last parallel parked. Ok I now have a car that can do it for me, but when I need to parallel park manually it's probably going to take me half an hour to do so on my own.