To ask you what you think of people who don't drive?

[Landtosea]

So I'm late in life to learning to drive for a variety of reasons, a lot of them to do with driving causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I don't generally tell people this is this the reason though.

So recently I got a new job and it was raised in the interview that I don't drive - driving wasn't listed as an essential criteria but it was asked as part of the application process. I still got the job but it was mentioned that I should start learning, which I have but it's going pretty slowly, unfortunately. As part of my job about once a month I have to go to a site which isn't easy to get to on public transport and if colleagues are going they always offer lifts, and I feel so embarrassed and wonder if they think I'm a total loser for not being able to drive. I try not to tell people if I don't have to as I'm really ashamed of it but obviously in this context it's not possible for me to hide it. My colleagues always offer and are really nice about it but they probably judge me or talk about it behind my back (or perhaps I'm just projecting). They get their mileage paid for by work but I know it's still annoying to drive others and they probably will get annoyed about it if I don't get my license soon.

I know a lot of people on this forum talk about CFs who always expect lifts but I hate getting them and will turn down social invitations saying I'm busy because I know people often feel obliged to offer lifts if I explain it'll be difficult/impossible to get there. I don't want to be seen as a sponge and although a lot of people say not driving doesn't inhibit them, it definitely does for me and I can't see how it doesn't for others - so many people's houses and activities aren't easily accessed by public transport unless you're in London.

What do you think of people who don't drive? Do you think less of them or am I just imagining it?

See @zzzzz, I worry that my colleagues think I'm lazy and annoying and that I should have my license already. I probably would be annoyed too if I were them. But they don't see that I'm so anxious during my lessons that my hands shake and I need to remind myself to breathe. I'm sure there are people who are lazy perhaps but it's sometimes more complicated than that.

I do not think less of those who do not drive.

I wish there were more people who did not, or were not allowed to. Medical reasons (sad and unfortunate) or based on previous conduct on the road (a driving licence should be viewed as a privilege).

I was fairly late to driving and I love it so it doesn't bother me if I have to give someone a lift. unless it's DM who is the worst backseat driver I've ever met
And I definitely wouldn't mind if a work colleague didn't drive because most places I've worked would recommend car sharing if a group of us had to go off-site.

@Hushabyemountaingoat I would never ever live anywhere where there wasn't decent public transport. I hate rural living, I find it dull and it would make me unhappy. Everybody lives a different lifestyle.

I live rurally where public transport is dire. I worry a bit about certain friends who don’t drive as I think it creates an imbalance of power and a dependence in their relationships that seems unhealthy and makes me...wonder. Certainly I’ll encourage dds to learn ASAP, even if they acquire lifestyles that don’t require it.

It's always lazy and annoying to people who have the privilege. You'll always get those answers.
Some people don't have the income or simply can't. It's not always laziness.

Honestly OP it's best you avoid people who are highly judgemental of people anyway.

As PP have said, there will be people who because of physical or mental health problems will find driving difficult/impossible and I don't think anyone owes me an explanation of either of these scenarios so I don't assume this isn't the case just because they haven't told me. I have no problem offering lifts if it's not too out of my way. I learnt to drive slightly late, at 20, and remember what a pain it was sometimes. I'm just grateful I was in a position to take lessons and then pass my test and run a car

Also in the case of needing to go off site with other work colleagues who give you a lift, I would imagine they will be claiming fairly generous mileage expenses anyway. Really don't feel bad. I am always happy to offer lifts to people and you don't sound like a CF in any way as you don't routinely ask for them, try to dictate the when and where of them or expect them.

I think most people are happy to offer lifts if its convenient and they don't feel like they are being taken for a mug.

I only passed last year.

It depends really. If they're happy to get around without relying on others, it's not a problem. But if they constantly ask for lifts then it's frustrating - especially when they don't offer to pay petrol!

I know a couple of people who don't drive and I think they probably have their own reasons for not wanting to. So long as it does not affect me I don't worry about it. If I was having to constantly drive someone around who was perfectly capable of driving themselves and could afford to run a car I would be less inclined to drive them around. I would not mind the odd lift though. If it is essential to your job as it appears to be with yours I think learning is a good idea.

Are the people who are giving you lifts every month able to claim mileage/wear and tear?

Oh god Thumbwitch, I am all of those, dyslexic, dyspraxic and dyscalculia, I am learning on an auto car, which makes it so much easier, but I hate roundabouts with funny exits. Or 3 lane roundabouts with lights, with a marking going through all 3 lane, confuses me so much.

I can drive but do not have a car- I do live in a city, though. I get around by public transport and bike, so not many places I can’t access. I think if you don’t drive you should accept that it will take longer to get places and you have to plan more and be creative, and not assume people will offer lifts. If you rely on lifts you should pay.

I drive and so does DH. His parents however don't and it drives me mad. They rarely look after our children so we can have a night out, but if they do they would rather come to our house than have them at their house, which is their choice. Although it means one of us has to run them home at the end of the night. They would not pay for a taxi or let us pay for one. They then complain they are tired all the way back - 11pm ish. They are both 70 or approaching and if they need anything large from a shop they phone and ask us to get it for them. They complain that they have no where to go and nothing to do now retired- no friends that's a whole other thread- And are reliant on public transport. I think for them if one of them could drive it really would give them many opportunities that they struggle to access now due to being reliant on the bus. I worry as they get older they will rely on us more for every day help and getting about and we both work and have one child with a disability so we have our own issues. I am probably being selfish but I can see how they are so limited by not driving, especially as they are getting older. Just silly things like we have to fetch them every time they want to pop over. I would love them to drive.

I usually think that they are like me and were so bad at driving they decided to stop before they killed someone. I tried several times.

Some people don't have the confidence and looking at the way some people drive and the abuse if you slow down for a speed bump or a creature in the road, I am not surprised, so much impatience and rudeness.

It takes a brave soul to venture on the roads these days.

I actually know someone who can drive, but chooses not to, and she always wants a lift - but wants the lift at a time that's convenient for her. For example, going to a mutual friend's wedding in a rural location - she wants a lift but wants us to leave 4 hours earlier than we need to so that she can be there on time to help the bride with something. Sigh.

Cheeky fuckery of the highest order.

I drive. I didn’t find learning easy, took several goes to pass, but I am glad I kept at it, glad I can share the driving with DH on long journeys and glad I can take myself wherever I want/need to go. Someone mentioned not driving on motorways. I prefer motorways to country lanes. You have a good view for a long way ahead and behind. You can see what people around you are doing. People generally drive far too fast on country roads.

Actually re-reading your OP - if your colleagues get your mileage paid, then there is no reason why you shouldn't get your travelling expenses - be they taxi or bus - paid as well.

Either that or you just pay for the taxi yourself. It will still be a lot cheaper than driving lessons, buying and insuring a car and paying for petrol and upkeep.

But a once a month trip is no reason in my mind to buy a car, and it strikes me that your employers are being rather cheap about this as mileage costs hardly anything, but taxis cost more.

Landtosa, the people who may see it as "lazy" are the ones who have never had to struggle. Honestly though, I think most normal people will understand that learning to drive isn't just as easy as snapping your fingers. I doubt they see you as lazy, don't worry x

I don't drive as I can access every where I need to by foot or public transport
Never caused me any issues, never expect lifts any where always plan out my trips, if someone offers then that's a bonus but would never let any one go out of their way

Plus I was born to be driven baby

I should also say that I am a driver, but I don't enjoy it and if I had to learn now I probably wouldn't do it. Therefore I certainly don't judge people for it. Perfectly possible to live your life without it using public transport, cycling, walking and taxis if you're central.

I used to not drive and felt awful when I had to get lifts off people. Now I drive I'm happy to offer people lifts - I'd much rather one car drove than two - unless they were doing something outrageously cheeky (lifting up a crack pipe in the back seat or asking me to pick up five different mates on the way) it wouldn't bother me at all!

I know it's usually an unpopular opinion on here but I don't know anyone over the age of 20 and under the age of 80 who doesn't drive and tbh I think they are missing out on so much freedom, they are reliant on public transport or the kindness of others and as a child I'd have hated to have a parent who couldn't drive and where I live it would be totally selfish for me to expect my DC to not be able to go anywhere because I didnt drive.

Well, according to this government website, 73% of people have a driving license.
www.ethnicity-facts-figures.service.gov.uk/culture-and-community/transport/driving-licences/latest

and according to this Guardian statistic, 80% of people can swim:
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2015/mar/23/one-in-five-adults-in-england-cant-swim

So yes, I'd put it up there as an essential life skill. And I live in London - yes, it's not something I use every day, but you should be able to do it.

Funnily enough, my DF never learnt to swim, and my DM failed her driving test 8 times before giving up. I mastered both though!

The main thing that puts me of driving is the amount of assholes on the road.